Donna's Blog

Donna's Blog
The View From OTHER Side.

Jan. 1 thru Dec. 31, 2007

I'm sorry about the fact you'll need to start at the bottom and work your way upward to read things in sequence. I'll try to get around to re-sequencing one of these days....

Monday, December 31, 2007

11:00pm: The ball will be falling in Times Square in a half hour to ring in the New Year on the East Coast. I like to be able to celebrate New Year's in each time zone, although my celebration is certainly a tame one.

I received a call from a friend in the frigid northeast late this afternoon. She was cross-country skiing with her dogs and took a photo of where she was with her iPhone and mailed them to me. They were beautiful to the point where I played with them a little, added some text, and am sharing them here. They look like they could be part of a calendar or something:

For my part, I spent the afternoon hiking, spending tonight's sundown at the highest point in the Valley - Piestawa Peak. I wanted to see the last sunset in 2007 from a symbolically high point and my effort was rewarded. The view was spectacular and was a great way to spend the end of this year. Here are a couple of photos from my own afternoon:

I cooked myself a T-Bone steak (on the BBQ) with fresh mushrooms cooked in a Cream Sherry glaze, baked potato, corn, and a good glass of Cab for dinner. It's a fittingly civilized way to close out a very trying year.

I do feel compelled to say a couple of political things. I've gotten a few inquiries about the names that I've heard are on the list that Barney/HRC are hoping to engage to talk to Congress. The reason I haven't shared the names is that none of them, to my knowledge, have actually said that they'd participate. They didn't ask to be on the list so exposing them to criticism or other unwarranted attention simply for being considered just isn't fair. I have spoken directly with one of the people who has already been approached - she's conflicted about participating and I have certainly urged caution. It it's done right it will be a wonderful thing. If it's done wrong it will be a disaster.

The problem at hand is larger than ENDA. It's larger than the relationship between GLB and T. The sooner that the supposed "leaders" who seem blind to that have one of those a-ha moments the better for all of us. One blogster wrote this in his year-end review: "The HRC's own credibility remains the most glaring casualty of this very public schism which exposed an ever-growing rift between the lobbying organizations and those on whose behalf it repeatedly claims to advocate." That's it. That hits the nail on the head. That's the schism - this rift between politicos who treat everyone and anyone who doesn't agree with their half-baked, short-sighted strategies as naive, wrong, stupid, or as "the enemy". Their disdainful, we-know-what's-best-for-you attitude represents thinking that many of us left a long time ago. The people who make up the community today are far more knowledgeable, far more engaged, far more involved than ever before. Times have changed, and if I hear that scripted rhetoric about the incremental way that civil rights legislation gets passed in this country one more time I'm going to poke somebody in the eye. Times have changed. The community has changed. It's the thinking of its "leaders" that remains in the past.

The first thing to go is your credibility. Once that's gone, your relevancy won't be far behind.

The Presidential election will kick into high gear before the week is over and things won't quiet down until the end of the year. I don't know about anyone else but I'm already tired of it. Let's just vote already and get it over with. Unfortunately, we need to go through the motions of it all. Who is best on "our" issues? I don't know that I trust a single one of them. My trust-factor in politicians after the ENDA mess is not high. One certainty is that HRC will support HRC - it's just a matter of time before they announce it officially. I'm working to see if I can talk with any of the candidates on their feelings specific to transgender issues and although I'm pretty sure my name is "mud" in political circles these days I think having a candidate talk specifically on trans issues would be huge.

Lastly for tonight, I'm headed to my ex-home town of Austin tomorrow and will be there for a couple of days. I'm looking forward to seeing friends there I haven't visited in way too long. There's a little post-New Year's get-together on Wednesday so if anyone from the area wants to participate I can forward specifics. The Holidays are a difficult time for many - I've gotten a dozen calls from friends who are experiencing some sort of difficulty over these past couple of days. I wish I could make it better, but sometimes all any of us can offer is a shoulder to cry on, words of support, or an empathetic ear. There are people I will be thinking about tonight as the New Year finally passes over Phoenix. Some of them are my blood. Some of them are people who have stood by me and who I have come to love. And some are friends with whom I have a deeper connection than words can convey.

With that - I'm headed to pack and to spend the final hour of 2007 on my own. Happy New Year's to all. Be well. Love yourself. Question everything. Appreciate the small things. And live for today, because tomorrow may never come.

1:15am: Technically, it's already Monday although I'm still working on closing out Sunday. Still, that would make this my first entry for the last day of the year. I feel compelled to write a little something before going to bed.

It's funny how Serendipity happens. As I have always understood it, the general definition of Serendipity is finding something while looking for something else. I tend to think of it in a broader sense of finding things you didn't know you were looking for in the first place. I did that tonight.

As may be apparent from recent writing I'm in one of those introspective times and that tends to come with a price. I don't know how anyone can be introspective without acknowledging the emotional component that these kinds of things inherently require, and subsequently frequently cause. For those of us who had been effective at shutting out the emotional aspect of pretty much anything for years and years opening those doors can be a floodgate. It's important to realize what those emotions are, what they're telling you about yourself, and to acknowledge the important role they play in making you you.

That said, I was flipping channels tonight and stopped on a movie that I've seen before but I haven't really been open to any kind of deeper message. It's actually one of my 7-year-old neice Kyrie's favorite movies and I'm told she's seen it dozens of times. The movie is titled "Music and Lyrics" and it came out last year. It's a cute little movie - funny, poignant, entertaining, with a good message. The thing that strikes a chord with me tonight is the song at the heart of the movie, the song that Hugh Grant as a fading 80's pop star and Drew Barrymore as a quirky, eclectic foil with a talent for writing lyrics, get together to craft. There's more to it, but that's the gist.

Anyway - If I could write songs to articulate how I sometimes feel, this would be one of them. The title is "Way Back Into Love" and it fits me. I can feel it, and it articulates how I sometime feel at introspective times like this. I actually like the "demo" version that they create in the movie the best - it's simpler and the words don't get overpowered by the strong voices and orchestration so much (see it here) (or here). The "full" version is available as well (Hear a version on YouTube).

It may be the late hour, the introspective mindset, or the opportunity to add a lyrical component to what I said earlier about love, intimacy, and partnership (and wedding dresses!) that's prompting me to share this but I may read it in the morning and decide I don't quite feel so open. So, if you read it and it disappears subsequently - you'll know why.

That said - good night. :)

Sunday, December 30, 2007

11:00am: I'm not going to talk about today as the anniversary of my dad's death other than to share that I went through a box of things from him that I got as executor of his will. His wallet is in there. So is his birth certificate. There are some photos, and some things that hold sentimental value. I'm dealing with it in my own personal way. And, I share a photo from a couple of years before his death, in 1996, of dad with his first-born. The dad that I remember is significantly younger than the version in this photo, and that he had become by the time of his death. I miss him....

As Forrest Gump would say, "And that's all I have to say about that.....". However, I have a couple of comments on previous entries this morning.

I attended the Grand Opening of "Club Forbidden" on Friday night with my friend Linda and we had fun. We didn't stay very late but there are 2 dance floors there and one of them played the kind of music that can actually make me dance. It takes a unique combination of things to actually get up and dance: the right kind of music, the right amount of alcohol (a very effective "social lubricant"), the right people who are already on the dance floor, a persistent partner, the right mood. Reading back over that sentence reminds me of many of the same ingredients that help facilitate romance but that's a whole other subject. I did dance - they seemed to be featuring music from the 80's which is always a good bet for me. I find that the infrequent times that I do go out to a club they're playing much more current music (most of which does not tickle my dance vibe) and perhaps more pertinent - I feel like a grandmother there. It's generally full of younger kids and I just feel out of place. Anyway, there was a wonderfully diverse, eclectic, fun group of people there and I hope they continue to go there.

This thing made big news. When we drove up shortly before 8pm there were a number of TV News trucks in the parking lot and after talking to Tom apparently the media crush has been nonstop. It made all the local newscasts and papers (The Arizona Republic, AZCentral, The East Valley Tribune, KPHO-TV), and has spotty national coverage as well. Tom has been saying all the right things - emphasizing that this was a business decision. He is a businessman and saw a need and an underserved group so he is working to fill that niche. I met his wife on Friday who seems like a lovely person and I thanked them both -they're going to take a heap of crap over this. His one news comment I found most interesting came in the context of the yearlong drama :

Anderson said the yearlong dispute did give him a new business perspective.

“If anything, it gave me a better understanding of their needs,” Anderson said. “I’m a businessman in the entertainment business, and I want to provide the best entertainment that’s out there for markets that don’t get what they need.”

Somehow, that seems like education to me. And frankly, I think what he's doing - in a round about way - is education, as well. Bravo to Tom, and I'll do what I can to help him cut through the crap that's likely to come. Of course, the mostly naked guy lying on a table with strawberry deserts on his body or the topless woman with a body-paint top might have been a bit over-the-top but maybe that's just me....

On the topic of the guy from the Toyota dealership who invited me to dinner I have several things to say. First, I perceive my sexuality to be a fluid thing. Others try to define it with a label, but the fact of the matter is that I find attraction/connection comes in many different flavors. I tried to explain this to a reporter once and after hearing that she said, "So would you define yourself as bisexual?" Not really. I explained that I need a certain number of traits and that the traits I need I typically find in woman. "So would you label yourself as a lesbian?" Not necessarily, but I think others probably would. It's not just a physical thing - that's what I can't seem to articulate to people who see it in purely black and white terms.

For me, sexuality and partnership aren't purely about sex or even anything that's purely physical. It's about intimacy - emotional, spiritual, and physical. It's deeper than any one component and although I've certainly had my share of "fun" in recent years when I look to deeper relationships the key to it all are those different flavors are intimacy. Thankfully I don't need to validate my own self-worth by whether I'm in a committed relationship or not. And - I don't need the drama or the inevitable deep-bruise to my self-esteem that trying to meet men always seems to involve. I'd rather be alone than deal with that - it's not healthy. I sometimes half-joke that men are generally my third choice, but I'll also admit that maybe that's just because I haven't met the right man yet who can move them up on my list.

After I transitioned and before I started this blog I certainly experimented with guys and in fact had some very nice times. I find that the connection with a guy is very different than the connection with women and, in fact, there's very little that makes me feel more feminine than when I'm with a guy who's treating me right. Unfortunately, it begins to feel like a competition all too quickly where he knows what he wants and I know what he wants so we're going through the motions of "courtship". Yawn. Still - the fact that I gave this guy my number didn't have anything to do with my sexuality (from my perspective, anyways). He asked if he could take me to dinner and I said yes. If "dinner" is a code-word for something more involved then maybe someone should fill me in. In my still naive little world - dinner means dinner.

Part of what I find attractive in people is a deep comfort in who they are and an ability to overcome the typical male macho stuff. And, this guy from the Toyota place said the right things to perk my interest but subsequently has said all the wrong things. When we met he asked if he could take me out to dinner - I'd like that. Dinner is good. Non-threatening. A good place to talk. Well, he called me up that evening to explain to me that he wasn't a good husband but he's a great boyfriend (who's talking about wanting a boyfriend in this? I thought it was dinner), that he's a very affectionate person (again....I thought this was dinner, and this is TMI), that his son is very good with women and is currently laying everything that moves in San Francisco (watch out, girls). This is the kind of stuff I'm talking about....it turns into drama right from the get go. Opportunity lost. There will be no dinner.

One humorous aside: I have a friend who went on a date last night with a guy who recently invited her to dinner, too. The reason that she accepted is that she assumed that this man was gay. She thought he was nice and figured that the dinner would be non-threatening and fun. Anyway, she has subsequently learned that this man is apparently not gay and she was suddenly a little nervous. I told her it was probably best that she not mention to him that she thought he was gay - despite the fact that she would mean it as a compliment straight guys typically don't take it as such. It's probably more than a little worrisome to a straight guy to be told that he's giving off gay vibes.

For anyone who has read my book - I had a dear man named Ralph from San Francisco in my life from early in my transition. Ralph was wonderful to me. He was gentle but at the same time had a strength to him. He was respectful, and sensitive, and attentive. He made me feel comfortable, and special, and appreciated. He took the lead and I trusted him, he let me slowly let my guard down so I could feel vulnerable around him, he respected my boundaries, and he was patient with me as I started moving into new territory (physically, emotionally, mentally) that I had never dared allow myself to visit before. Those are the ingredients that work for me, and my relationship with Ralph was a special one. I experienced many firsts with him and they remain memories I enjoy and cherish to this day. Ralph was wonderful, and I've told him more times than I can count that every woman needs a Ralph in their lives. I miss having someone call me up and asking me out, where I don't have to do all the work, and I get tired of having to take the lead all the time. (for those who are interested: Ralph is in Trapped In Blue, the notes that eventually became the book. Just search on the word Ralph and you'll find it starting around April 4th). Although we haven't spoken in a few years, Ralph rocks.

Over the past 3 or 4 months I've had 3 friends from the community get married to guys. One called me out of the blue a month ago to tell me that she had gotten married the previous weekend. They were going to be driving through Phoenix on their honeymoon and wanted to introduce me to her husband. He was a very nice guy and the two of them seemed very happy - I was thrilled for both of them. In a way, I envy them. I'll tell anyone who asks that many of my life goals are actually pretty simple, and one near the top of the list is to be a bride and wear a wedding gown. I really don't care what others think about that - it doesn't change he fact that I hope to experience that someday. I'd be sad to realize that my life were ending and that dream went unfulfilled. Anyway, I haven't lost faith.

Anyway, I hadn't expected to go off on that tangent but there you have it....

Odds and ends:

I'm going to Austin this week - the arrangements are set. I'm looking forward to seeing friends there, to getting my hair done by people that I miss, and to enjoying a last week of downtime before starting my next contract.
I got a call from a reporter yesterday asking me about my feelings on The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF, or "The Task Force" for short) and their recently quietly announced name change (read about it here). I think she was looking for something criticizing them for not making a more substantial change - one that was more inclusive of the entire spectrum of the community. I told her that I'd much rather that an organization demonstrate its commitment to the broader community through its actions, not through its words (are you listening, dear friends at HRC?). The fact that the Task Force has a full-time person assigned to work on our behalf (the always amazing Lisa Mottet), that they were a champion for full inclusion throughout ENDA, that they have transgender board members - all demonstrate their commitment in real, tangible ways.
I'm working on my year-end Op/Ed. I expect it will be online soon.
Lastly, I finished the last part of my fun little Trans-America Trilogy video. I just need to record a brief into and add it to the front and I'll upload it. Now I can turn my attention to other video projects. I've got some exciting plans in mind.

Friday, December 28, 2007

1:00pm: It's only noontime and the day has already been overfull with unexpected twists and turns (some pleasant, some not). I don't even know how these things happen.

I got up early with good intentions - my Toyota needed an oil change. The "Maintenance Req'd" light had come on which certainly wasn't surprising since I had put almost 3,000 miles on it just by driving it across country. I bought this car a year ago and at the time it already had 70,000 miles on it (that's how I could afford it).. Since I got it I've criss-crossed the country with it and added nearly 20,000 miles. Over the course of our relationship we've grown to enjoy one another. I know it sounds silly to say that about a car but we've bonded over hours and miles to the point where I really like that car and will take care of it as long as it takes care of me.

There's a Toyota dealer not too far from here and I have a coupon for a free oil change so this seemed like it would be the most inexpensive part of my day. Not. Over the course of inspecting it they found several things that need to be changed/fixed/flushed/replaced to the tune of hundreds of dollars. One salesman tried to talk me into trading it in for something newer but, as I said, I like the car and will do the maintenance to keep it healthy. So, the shuttle van took me home until it'll be ready later today. I don't mind sharing that this unexpected expense puts a dent in my already fragile economic health right now. Ouch.

Anyway, while I was there I started talking to this particular salesman that I just mentioned. He was a nice guy and we had a very pleasant conversation - lots in common. He's a very gregarious guy who has lived all over the world and seems to enjoy life the same way that I do. To make a long story short he asked for my number and I gave it to him. Selling cars must be a great job for meeting women as the guy from the other dealership where I bought my car continues to call me to this day to the point where it actually makes me a little uncomfortable. Anyway, I expect that we'll meet for dinner at some point.

Also while I was there, I got a call from Tom Anderson. Tom is the owner of Anderson's Fifth Estate, a very popular nightclub in Scottsdale that got national notoriety when he kicked a transgender customer out because of some complaints about things that were happening in the bathroom. The details remain murky and, at this point, don't really matter. It turned into a huge deal when Michelle filed a discrimination complaint with the Arizona Attorney General's office. Things became very unpleasant on both sides. Anyway, I met Tom few weeks ago when I was asked to sit in on the mediation effort to put this thing to bed. He was a nice guy - really - and I liked him from the get-go. Fast forward to today: He called to tell me that he closed his club recently, which is shocking because it just passed it's 25-year anniversary here and has always been very popular. Just as shocking was his news that he was re-opening it tonight as.....a gay dance club! I think he said the new name is "Club Forbidden". Too funny. He kind of joked about that back when we talked but now he's actually done it. Bravo to him for having the business sense, for recognizing the need, and for having the guts to do it. He invited me to the Grand Opening tonight and I'll change my previous plans so I can be there.

That's probably more information about my morning than anyone cared to hear but I think it provides a good bridge for some of the things I've been considering. Somehow, when I visit Oak Creek Canyon to contemplate life and future the message always comes back loud and clear - Simplify. That's easier said than done, but I'll be actively taking steps to do that over the next few weeks. I expect that there will be changes, some of which may be surprising.

I also need to focus on my financial well-being. I don't talk about money here because, frankly, it's personal information. But what I'll say is that many people who go through what I've gone through make financial concessions that will haunt them for years to come. We forfeit retirement. We drain savings to zero. We cut corners to make ends meet, and struggle with court imposed obligations that last long past when they should have ended. We live paycheck to paycheck just like millions of other people do so when unexpected expenses arise there's nothing to fall back on, and it can be scary. I have long since forgotten what it feels like to have the reassuring satisfaction of a few thousand extra dollars...."just in case".

During my recent move I was looking through some boxes that hadn't been opened in quite a while and found my old wallet. It was like digging up a time capsule, almost like it had been frozen in time waiting to be unsealed. There are photos of my son - the last one is from Grade 5. There's a Platinum American Express card, 2 debit cards from different banks, 4 Visa charge cards, a Master Card, and a Discover card. There's a library card, an old photo of me, some receipts, but sadly - no money. All are like artifacts from a once-affluent civilization that has long since disappeared in the sands of time.

I'm going to take my own advice to simplify by lightening my load. I remember doing this in years past - shedding things you don't need, don't use, or simply can't afford to keep. It's like shedding, and I expect I'll be using Craig's List quite a bit in upcoming weeks. Some of what I'll sell has sentimental value: there's the 1940's Lionel Train Set that was my dad's, and that I got when he passed. It has been sitting in a box in my garage for the past 8 years. I'll sell the top I wore to the HRC National Dinner where I introduced Jessica Lange. There is some brand-new electronic stuff that I bought with specific projects in mind that have yet to materialize so I'll need to make hard decisions on whether they'll ever come to pass. I've got a number of football cards with various autographs (Gale Sayers, Tony Dorsett, and others) that are probably worth something. I've got a few boxes of hard-bound copies of "Wrapped In Blue" that are my own personal stash. I've got more furniture than I can fit in this house. All in all - I'll be lightening my load in more ways than one in coming weeks.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

11:00pm: Continuing a bit on the topic of video, I'll be attending the IFGE Conference on April 1-5, 2008. This year it's being held in Tucson so it's almost a local event for me (details are here). I mention this because I'm expecting to reserve a room specifically to tape interviews as part of "Our Stories, Our Selves" with those who are interested in sharing. I expect I'll be able to offer half-hour blocks to people who want to come in, talk about their lives, their families, their experiences, or wherever the conversation goes. I'll need help with this because I won't be able to stay in the room for the entire time so I'm actively working on that. In any event, I'll be posting an online sign-up sheet so people who will be attending can participate if they want once things get confirmed. I'll be sure to save some spots so people can sign-up onsite, as well.

As I type this I've been semi-watching a documentary on MSNBC that was originally broadcast last May titled "Born in the Wrong Body". There's new version after this - apparently updates on some of the original stories. I like that kind of stuff and I think it's so important - follow-up. These things follow people for a short sliver of time in their lives and once they're done I'm always left wondering...."How are they doing?"

One documentary that had a profound impact on my own journey was a 1985 HBO Production titled "What Sex Am I". It was narrated by Lee Remick and was the first time I ever "saw" transgender people other than on Phil Donahue. I probably have a video tape of it buried among all my other videos somewhere. To this day I wonder whatever happened to the people they profiled in that show. I'd love to know.

The neat thing about these stories is that the people they're following are all young - teens or perhaps slightly older. All seem to have lots of support and friends, and some even have boyfriends or girlfriends. That's so amazing, so wonderful....I can't put it into words. Those of us who held out for as long as we could never had those opportunities, and I hope these kinds of stories become the norm instead of the exception. Life for transgender people has changed quite a bit in the past 20 years. It blows me away to realize that most of the people they're profiling in this MSNBC documentary weren't even born when the HBO show originally came out. Oy.

I'm beginning this introspective phase I've been talking about. It's not like I plan it - it just seems to happen at this time of year.

I have a personal wish list for next year. Some items on it:

I hope to find a deeper, special relationship somewhere, somehow. I don't feel a need to define it, the same as I don't necessarily need to put time parameters around it.
I'm still hoping to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I'm actively working on that.
In some ways, though, I hope I never grow up. I'm still enjoying feeling like a kid.

I've seen a couple of very different political Op/Ed pieces recently. One is from Masen Davis of the Transgender Law Center. It's titled "The journey to inclusion: Reflections on ENDA" and it received widespread attention in both the Advocate and on Gay.com a few weeks ago.

...We have a long, but not impassable, road before us. And we have some decisions to make as we set out on the next stage of our journey toward a fully inclusive ENDA: Do we emphasize the disappointment we feel that ENDA passed the House without gender identity included, or do we celebrate the transformation and solidarity evidenced by United ENDA? Do we vilify the people and institutions with whom we disagree, or do we increase our education and engagement efforts to lead them to the right conclusion next time?

Many people may feel disappointed and angry about the narrow and shortsighted decisions made by Congressional leaders and others in the last month or so, and rightfully so. Yet our movement's energy is generated by principles that personify our better selves -- the selves that we have the potential to be as a people and a movement. When our friends stumble and make decisions that may not represent the best in themselves, our responses need to point to the best that we can all become. These responses may (and must) critique bad decisions, but must also invite, pressure and facilitate transformation. In that spirit, I urge you to join me in celebrating the solidarity demonstrated by the United ENDA coalition, and redoubling our educational efforts in the coming months and years. Like it or not, we have a long, difficult path ahead of us. How we walk the path is just as important as where it is leading us.

Read the entire article here

It's a very optimistic piece. I contrast that with an Opinion recently posted by Vanessa Foster titled "Want Ads: Looking for Mr. or Ms. Goodbar":

...As Jessica Xavier taught me in a phone conversation about six years ago, HRC is in the business of Political Management. It’s not about advocacy or civil rights as much as it is about ‘managing’ the sociopolitical environment to help mold public opinion favorable to the gay and lesbian rights agenda. They have not just a desire or an addiction to control, it’s in their very business description. It’s their job.

Therefore it’s easier to see why they feel need to choose our leaders for us, why they need to tell us what is inclusive language and how is the best way to achieve it, why they need to instruct us on what is politically feasible.

It’s not easier for us to take, much less accept. This is not only dismissive, but it’s flagrantly arrogant. Knowing their calculated nature, and watching their movement patterns, I’m relatively certain they intend to not only get their slate of items on their political agenda (yes, we’ll be left out), but then move to co-opt “transgender” and make it their next cottage industry in an effort to keep the paychecks and funding rolling in. As a bonus, they get more media face-time, and stand above us as self-envisioned heroes leading we hapless trans folk to our equality (and to craftily manage to assuage any former guilt).

Read the entire article here

This, as you might immediately recognize from the short passage I've included, is not an optimistic piece. There's anger there. There's frustration and disappointment - the same emotions that many of us feel. My personal opinion is that she's unnecessarily harsh in her feelings about NCTE and about Mara in particular but I understand the personal dynamics involved. That aside, her views are dead on. Or at least, they might be.

The question I'm left asking myself is the same question that makes my beloved "A Christmas Carol" so compelling: Is the future set or can it be changed? If we could see our future would we do something differently at some point to change it? Based on recent history I haven't seen any indication that much of the bleak political future that Vanessa lays out won't actually come to pass. The question at hand is whether this is destiny that cannot be changed or if there's some major shift ahead that can save it.

Time will tell.

Lastly for tonight, I got my first HRC boycott email for 2008:

Boycott HRC's L-Word Event

Friends,

On January 3, 2008, HRC is sponsoring the L-Word season premier at the Wild Mustang (formerly The Jungle,) at 2115 Faulkner Rd. in Atlanta. The doors open at 7 and the screening begins at 8. The Transgender Community and our supporters urge you NOT to attend this event, or to give money to HRC...

The email goes on to say that local trans-activists will be passing out flyers to people attending this event. The first HRC dinner of 2008 will be at the end of January in Austin. Perhaps not coincidentally, I'm working on arrangements to visit beautiful Austin for a couple of days next week. Don't be surprised if there's another road trip in my near future...

10:30am: I've got a few videos to share this morning:

One was forwarded by a friend and I just find it too clever and fun to NOT share it (see it here). I've been humming it all morning...
The second is appropriate since I've uploaded a couple of driving videos lately. It's a couple of minutes out the front window of a Humvee driving through Baghdad traffic. It won't stop out of concern of being attacked so it honks it's little horn and rams whatever gets in its way (see it here). I told Elizabeth that she would have been good at that job because (a) she gets a kick out of driving like that an (b) she uses her horn more in any given day than I use it in a year or more.
Last, there is a show on BBC America this Sunday titled "Teen Transsexual". There's a trailer for it on YouTube (See it here).

This video stuff is like a Pandora's Box for me. The more I do it the more I want to do more - my head is full of ideas that have been patiently waiting. And I don't think YouTube is the best platform for much of what I'm hoping to do. It's great in that you can easily upload videos and share them, but there are limitations that I find chafing. I watch videos on the internet that are crystal clear and amazing - that's my goal. Muddy, choppy video that typically happens during compression bothers me the same way that generational loss bothered me when I made a copy of a VHS video tape.

Each of us needs something to aspire to, and my role model in this is CNET-TV at CNET.com. If you look at the videos there - that's my goal. Good production. Great quality. No delay in streaming. I'm just at the front end of this, but stay tuned. I've got a domain and hosting specifically reserved for uploading and hosting my own videos so we'll see where this goes. Oh, and podcasts. I haven't given up on that, either. As I say, this stuff is too much fun. I feel like a kid in a candy store. (By the way, CNET.com is the one place I always go before I buy anything electronic to see what they have to say about it...it's a great resource).

One thing I typically associate with he Holidays is food. I'll admit that I've cooked more in the last 4 days than in the last 3 months combined (that doesn't include heating up prepared foods). Last night I cooked a steak on my grill. Mmmmm-mmm-mmmmm. That wouldn't be news in and of itself, but my steak knife has an amusing story:

I was in Austin a couple of years ago visiting my friend Lisa and we went out for dinner at a nice steak restaurant downtown. I didn't quite finish my steak and asked for a take-home box when the waiter came to take our plates into the back. A couple of minutes later someone with a very serious look on her face (that I would soon learn was the manager) approached our table. "We have a situation," she says. I'm wondering what kind of "situation" we could possibly have at this stage - we were done and almost ready to go. She proceeds to explain that the waiter mistakenly threw away my small piece of left-over meat and suggested that she could cook up an entire new one for me to take home if we had the time to wait. The thing that had particularly intrigued me about this restaurant were the steak knives. They were big, sharp, felt good in your hand, "real" steak knives made specifically for the restaurant. I mean, a knife has got to be pretty impressive for you to stop and take notice of it, and these were very impressive. I've got a half-dozen Henckel steak knives in my knife block at home but, truth be told, they're kind of dainty when compared to more substantial knives like these. Anyway, it was really no big deal but I told the manager that we had been admiring the knives and if perhaps I could have one we'd call it even. She did me one better and I ended up with a pair of them, brand new in the box. Too funny.

On a more personal note, it struck me this morning that the anniversary of my dad's death is a couple of days away. He died unexpectedly sometime during the night of Dec. 29 or the early morning of Dec. 30, 1998 from complications of diabetes. At that point he had been bi-weekly dialysis for couple of years, had lost much of the function in his fingers and toes due to neuropathy, and much of the joy in life had long since drained for him. I still can't believe he's gone sometimes and I wonder if that ever goes away. And even though we chose to celebrate his life more than mourn his passing we all still miss him in our own way. I wonder if that ever goes away, too.

I was still living at home at the time, with my wife and son, hanging on to that old life by a thread. I had been on hormones for a couple of years and life in our house had been absolutely hell for a number of months and the irony is that much of the joy in life had drained at that point for me, as well. I had been relegated to the guest bedroom which was fine, except that my wife turned off the telephones at night so she wouldn't be disturbed. I didn't find out that my dad had died until I got to work the next morning and heard the message that my mom had left for me there. The impacts large and small that this has had on me are incalculable, an in fact continue to reverberate.

I will do something special to mark Dec. 29. I still have some of my dad's ashes, and depending on weather I wouldn't be surprised if a road trip to somewhere beautiful were in my very near future.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

11:30pm: Another Chritsmas quietly comes to an end. The list of things I had hoped to do today remains largely undone and that's fine. Go-with-the-flow means never having to say you're sorry.

I only have a couple of thing to share tonight before heading to bed. First, I spoke with dear Elizabeth today and the big news from her is that she resurrected her website. This is the 3rd incarnation since I've known her and the first since she took the last one down a couple of years or more ago. For those who want to visit, her url is www.mselizabeth.com. Just know that the email link doesn't actually send an email - if you go there you'll see what I mean.

I got a piece of trans-political mail in my in-box today that probably deserves comment but it's Christmas and I refuse to mix the two. It can wait.

I finished my video "production" from Day 2 of my cross-country trip. I uploaded it to YouTube in a number of different formats to see what difference, if any, that had on output quality. YouTube converts all the videos that you upload so videos that appear clear and sharp locally might lose quite a bit of detail during the conversion/compression process to actually get it on YouTube - especially if there's lots of motion in them. I expect to post the originals of my videos - not the compressed versions - on a separately hosted site sometime soon but that'll be one of my 2008 resolutions.

2:00pm: I hope everyone is enjoying a happy, healthy, peaceful Christmas. Mine has been wonderful so far.

I don't have stocking. I don't have a tree. I don't have anything to unwrap. But I've got so much more in terms of personal peace to the point where none of that has any importance. Part of the problem with what Christmas has become for many is that people's self-worth is somehow perceived to be connected to the number/value of the gifts they receive. That's a fool's game, and those who choose to play are destined to lose one way or another.

I've been feeling like a kid with a brand new toy today. It started late last night when I began importing clips for Part 2 of My Trans-America video and it hasn't worn off yet. I stayed up until after 2am working on it, and was at it again this morning. Hours have just flown by and I don't know where they've gone. It's just so much fun to get into the creative/technical work it takes to do this kind of stuff, and the tools are amazing. I've got more full-featured, complicated, expensive, and impressive tools to edit video on my Apple than iMovie, but for what I'm doing it's more than fine. The real beauty is that you can become functional on it in a relatively short period of time and although I'm still certainly learning I'm thrilled to death with the results.

I could go into detail about what I've learned but perhaps the most interesting recent discovery is the potential for interaction between these movies, iTunes, and an iPod (I don't have an iPod, an iPhone, or any other iToys, either). I have tested all of the "Export" features to determine the quality of the output (different sizes, frame rates, formats) and I've learned that the best that this tool produces is to export it to a M4V file that it automatically loads into iTunes. The output is gorgeous. Way cool.

Anyway, I want to create a brief intro for it sometime today to put it into context and I hope to upload the end result to YouTube sometime later today or tomorrow. This is a blast. Now I know why I went to college for this stuff. At the time (late 70's, early 80's) I was frustrated by the tedious linear nature of it and the limitations of the medium, both of which seemed to get in the way of the creative possibilities. But now, it's a whole new world that people like me can enter with an $89 video recorder and a fairly basic computer. Amazing.

Oh. One more thing. I was with my friend Roberta-Ann at the Apple Store last weekend waiting to take one of the free workshops that they offer (this one was on .Mac) when one of the sales-people came up and asked if we needed help. I had a question on uploading content from iWeb to a hosting server and showed this person what I had been able to do after a 1-hour One-on-one training using iWeb: I showed them the TransEducate website. Anyway, this email popped up in my in-box yesterday...

Hi. I don't know if you remember me or not, but we met at Apple. I'm an employee there; You were waiting for a .Mac workshop with your friend, and you showed me your websites. I just wanted to say that you were fun and interesting to talk to, and that I really respect what it is that you are putting out there. Feel free to email me back or to ask for me next time you are in Apple. I hope you have a Merry Christmas.

The word "education" is getting tossed around quite a bit these days but this is the kind of education that "feels" best to me. It's opportunities to share with a complete stranger in a non-threatening, non-in-your-face, totally unplanned yet personal way. To share what I did with her doesn't diminish, threaten or concern me in any way and the fact that this person took the time to write this email is testament to the power simple gestures can have. It doesn't have to happen in a classroom, or in front of a big group of people. The education that transcends politics, media, and sensationalism is the one-on-one interaction we experience each and every day. I respect this person for writing to me, and I'll probably write to the store manager in appreciation for this extra "personal" service. Rock on...

The day is half gone and I have no idea where it all went. The sun is streaming in my windows. I have straightening to do. I've got a 5-mile run ahead of me. I have ham to cook for dinner. I still haven't given up on "A Christmas Carol" yet. I don't have to be anywhere or anything to anyone today so time feels fluid. All in all - a very good Christmas.

Monday, December 24, 2007

10:00pm: It's Christmas Eve. For everyone who reads this - whoever you are, wherever you are, I hope you are able to enjoy the spirit of this Holiday Season (and whatever that means to you). This time of year means different things to each of us. For me, to distill it to one word - the word would be "Hope". It is a time to renew hope as one year closes, and another opens. The fact that my father passed away at this time of year makes that feeling of "Hope" even more profound for me as it takes on a very personal shape. It's hard to explain but then again deeply felt emotion doesn't always lend itself well to words.

I have defined the Holiday in ways that are personally relevant to me. The fact that they may not match what others traditionally expect or celebrate at this time of year doesn't make it any less real or important for me. I'm not willing to debate the meaning of the Holidays - whether it be Christmas, Hanukah, New Years - with anyone because it means whatever we want it to. It means whatever gives it personal relevance. There was a time in my life when Christmas was grounded in family, and more specifically, in my son when he was a child. Those days have gone, and that's not a good or a bad thing so much as a simple reality, and I have since redefined the meaning in ways more appropriate to my current life needs.

One of our favorite things to do on Christmas Eve while growing up was to watch A Christmas Carol with Alistair Sim as Scrooge. I've been surfing channels all night long and haven't found it, which is disappointing. I have 200+ channels and it's not on a single one of them? Very disappointing. The Godfather is on tonight. Forrest Gump is on, too. Goodfellas is even on. There are a couple of more recent Christmas movies: Bad Santa, The Santa Clause, A Christmas Story. But no classic version of A Christmas Carol. <Sigh>

In it's place, during my surfing I somehow landed on MTV-Hits which is showing back-to-back MTV Unplugged shows. I just watched one I didn't even know they did - Korn. If any band would seem a difficult fit for an "Unplugged" treatment it would be Korn. I've seen them in concert and the scene can be almost surreal. Really. Someone uploaded a clip of "Blind" to YouTube and if you can wait until about a minute and a half into it when it really gets cranked watch the crowd and you'll see what I mean. See it here, or here.

Still, the one thing that impressed me at the time and certainly comes through in the Unplugged is the musical talent of the band. By stripping away some of the louder and more frenetic layers you get almost a whole new song. Very cool. The guest vocalists were pretty eclectic, too: Robert Smith (the lead singer for The Cure) and Amy Lee (Evanescence). Anyway - a very enjoyable way to spend the evening.

I noted earlier today that there are some things from the "old" days that seem to have disappeared, and that I actually miss. For example - Warner Brothers cartoons. They're not on anymore! I can't believe we have generations of kids growing up not watching Bugs Bunny on Saturday mornings. Crazy. I found that you can actually buy episodes on iTunes for $1.99 and download them - so I did.

I saw a funny commercial this evening. I've watched it a dozen times and the ending still makes me laugh (watch it here).

Anyway, I didn't expect that tonight's entry would cover so much ground but I suppose that's just how my mind is working this evening. And with that I'm going to go and pour myself an eggnog and rum, and "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night."

Sunday, December 23, 2007

11:00pm: Today was one of those important "soul" days that each of us needs every once in a while. I got up early and spent the day traveling around Arizona: Sedona, Oak Creek Canyon, Flagstaff, Cottonwood, Jerome, Prescott. The sky was clear blue, morning temperatures in the low 40's warmed into the 60's by midday, roads were clear, there was snow up north. I hiked a bit. I took lots of photographs. On the way home a huge full moon fresh from the winter solstice rose like a spotlight in the sky. After nearly 400 miles on the road I got home, cooked Chicken Cordon Bleu, and enjoyed a nice glass of wine. All in all - a fine day.

I had some specific photography goals today and am interested to see the results. I didn't want to take any panorama shots, focusing instead on more close-up perspectives. I find it makes you look at things more closely, and with a more critical eye. I wanted water shots - Oak Creek has some wonderful locations for that. And, I wanted to play around a bit with some of the controls on my camera. I downloaded a couple dozen of the photos to see how they turned out and am sharing some of them on my Blog Photo page.

A couple of times during the day I stopped to remind myself that today is Christmas Eve eve. In fact, on my drive back home my brother called. He was finishing up some last minute shopping and had a question. My day was far removed from that. Thankfully...

Saturday, December 22, 2007

11:30am: I uploaded a new video to YouTube last night. It's Part 1 of what I expect will be a Trilogy of videos documenting my drive cross country last month. It's certainly not deep and, in fact, is probably little more than a glorified home movie but the drive was fun, the scenery was nice, filming it helped pass the time, and I think it's important to keep the "fun" in the things we do. Anyway, here it is:

This was as much a learning experience for me as anything. I learned about some of the shortcomings of this cute little camera that I got (it records using a DivX codec that requires third-party software to work on the Mac, and although it was compatible with the previous version of iMovie it doesn't work with the most recent one). I learned a bit about the basics of using iMovie. The best part of the entire thing is that it took me 6 hours and the time just flew by. I got into one of those zones where you just lose track of time for hours at a time. The last time I can remember being like that was when I'd sit down to write what eventually became my book. I miss it.

The disappointing aspect of this is that he version that's on YouTube doesn't come close to matching the quality of the version on my Mac. By the time it gets converted, compressed, and otherwise "handled" it's a muddier version that's a pale copy of the original. I'd love to be able to distribute things to people who would be interested via CD - to keep the original quality and, in fact, to offer additional things it's difficult (or simply not appropriate) to share to the broader audience on the internet. Anyway, I may investigate options there. We'll see.

Oh, BTW - there are a few shots from the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce dinner in the video. It was held at the Building Museum in Washington DC which was as amazing a venue for something like this as I've seen. I was intrigued by the ice bar in the video - and that's what it was, a bar totally made out of ice. For those looking for photos from the actual event you can see them here. I helped to present one of the awards but didn't stay late - I had a lot of driving to do the next day.

Speaking of using new tools and learning, Jamison and I have been working on a more robust web presence for TransEducate.com and I uploaded our most recent changes there. I think it looks great - certainly lots left to do there but it's a good beginning and it sets a foundation that we can build upon.

I've got lots of things on my list over this next week. I want to set up my drum kit. I want to spent time learning the photo software on my Mac and working with the photos from Glacier National Park, and from my Autumn in Rochester. I want to do a road trip to a National Park for a couple of days with some of my dad's ashes. There are some things I want to write. All in all, that's the extent of my Holiday Spirit and I'm fine with it.

The Holidays can be horribly difficult for many because they remind you of the things you don't have in your life. If you don't have family, or a partner, or money, or spiritual outlets - it's easy to let the weight of it all become oppressive. I celebrate this time of year in my own way and it keeps my mind from wandering into places where it shouldn't go. Some of us don't celebrate the Holidays - we endure them. We survive them for another year. The key, I think, has been to redefining thing in life in ways that are healthy for you. Being able to go someplace quiet, to bring my dad's ashes, to spent some quiet time reflecting on things - that's what the Holidays mean to me now.

The UPS truck delivered a box from my sister yesterday. In it was a live 18" Christmas tree in a pot, a dozen 1" ornaments, and a strand of 20 Christmas lights. She knows that I'm not very festive at this time of year so she sent me all the "equipment" to do it. Too cute. Anyway, I'll find a place to set it up as my shrine to the Holidays. :)

Speaking of a shrine for the Holidays, various people in the community are making end-of-year statements looking back on events of this past year. I'm finding the various spins to be very interesting. For example, Kevin Naff (the editor of the Washington Blade) titled his piece "A disappointing year."

...And so 2007 draws to a frustrating and disappointing close. Hate crimes legislation appears dead. ENDA faces an uncertain future in the Senate and the House debate proved unnecessarily divisive. No hearings on ending “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and no movement on efforts to address immigration rights for bi-national gay couples.

The recent setbacks remind us that achieving equality under the law will take more time and patience and will require us to hold elected officials accountable for their promises.

(Read the article here) - The Washington Blade, Dec. 14, 2007

Joe Solmonese from HRC released his End of Year Message yesterday:

...2007 was a year that began with great hope, and ends with promise. Looking back on this momentous year, I am proud of how far we have come.

Behind us is 2007, the year of hope, when our community’s voice was more powerful and more relevant than it had ever been. Down by the White House, the National Christmas Tree glows beneath a grim grey sky. It is a beautiful sight. Like so many Washington traditions, from Fourth of July fireworks to election night parties, it reminds me that we are in the center of everything. In 2007, George W. Bush lit that tree for the seventh time. Ironically, he is what keeps us in the periphery, at the brink of great accomplishments, but short of making law. By this time next year, we could be celebrating the election of a supportive president. We know that this is what it will take to translate promise to results, and we are committed to making it happen.

(Read the entire message here) - End of year Message from HRC President Joe Solmonese

The online outlet for Logo Television is 365Gay.com and they list their top Top 10 Gay Stories of 2007 (read the list here).

I agree that there is optimism although not as much as many seem to want to portray. I think we've learned a lot which, will prove to be good or bad depending on how we use what we think we've learned. There is certainly promise. But the thing I can't quite understand is how anyone can write about this past year without acknowledging the pain, the hurt, the anger, the disappointment and frustration, the disillusionment that so many feel right now. It's not a political discussion so much as more personal one about the health of "community" and whatever that means to us.

To me, the big story this year is not that no pro-Gay legislation got passed despite the early promise. It's not about scandal. It's not about the election. It's about the bruise on the community that threatens to become infected even now. Any end-of-year message that doesn't at least mention that is like a FEMA 2005 end-of-year retrospect that somehow omits mention of Hurricane Katrina and the devastation that she wrought. Or, Larry Craig's 2007 Christmas Letter without the word "bathroom" in it . It demonstrates a fundamental disconnect about priority and community that concerns me. Anyway - I'll sit down with a glass of wine one of these evenings and pen my own thoughts. It's a good way of gaining mental closure on one year, and getting ready for the next.

Who will speak for "community"? There's certainly no one person who can do that. But if nobody does it simply because there's no single voice who can speak for everyone then there's a serious problem. Anyway....it's certainly a deeper topic than I have time for right now.

Ethan St. Pierre interviewed the always amazing Jamison Green on his radio show last weekend and it's available online now (Listen to it here). It's worth a listen.

I've got a few things on my plate today. I want to get a rug to put under my drum kit, and perhaps a few new drum heads. I have some photos of my son that I was planning to mail to him, but would feel more comfortable delivering in person. I want to see the movie "I am Legend." I need to do a shopping, to do some cleaning, and to decorate my new tree (that ought to take about 10 minutes). Anyway, Happy Holidays to all.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

11:30pm: In my retrospective mood I've been thinking about the past lately. So tonight we play a new game I'll call "Then or Now?" Tonight's entry is a statement released by the Executive Director of the Human Rights Campaign. It's titled "ENDA and the Transgender Community".

ENDA and the Transgender Community

One of the most intricate, important and challenging issues to ever face the Human Rights Campaign is how to grapple both legally and authentically with the issue of "gender identity and expression."

Transgender people have always been part of our community. We have marched together, been brutalized together and embraced each other in the hardest of times. Usually, it is transgender people both transitioning individuals and gender nonconforming gay and lesbian folks who are on the front lines. They are the first to be fired, the first to be rolled into a ditch for kicks, the first to be humiliated in ways large and small each day.

For years, transgender leaders have been adamant that protection based on "gender identity and expression" be incorporated into the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA). There have been a number of challenges in this regard. First, many of us actually believed there was a better and faster way to achieve protection for gender identity and expression under gender protection laws. The challenge on that front stems from concern about opening up Title VII of the Civil Rights Act which some feel is the logical route to achieve such protection.

Second, with the near passage of ENDA in the Senate in 1996, we hoped against all odds we could pull it through before President Clinton left office. That was then, this is now.

Since December, our team of professional lobbyists has done yeoman's work, advocating with everything they've got to make this specific change to ENDA. This work has been done passionately, using every imaginable moral and legal argument that was developed by a working group of transgender leaders, community litigators and HRC staff.

Make no mistake, in our hearts and minds, the boards and staff of HRC are committed to including and protecting the transgender community. We will leave no one behind. As we continue on this odyssey, we are searching for a pragmatic, just and timely key that will unlock the door for transgender civil rights and protections.

It took decades to educate the country on gay issues, and we must now educate America about the bias and discrimination facing our transgender brothers and sisters. HRC working with transgender and community leaders is opting to work with members of Congress to educate them and to develop a new strategy for a fresh unified bill that will address the discrimination faced by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Americans. In this way, we will have an opportunity to reposition the issues, and redouble our efforts to provide the extensive education that will be required to make progress.

A dual track will not satisfy the hearts of those who have focused on ENDA only as a solution. Some will be angry, and we respect that anger. But, the reality of the current situation is clear: At this point, we cannot get where we need to through that one narrow tunnel.

This new bill approach may not feel as pure, or as noble, or as emotionally satisfying to some, but we believe that the broader path we are pursuing is the best course of action for our entire community.

The simple truth is that this is not an ideal solution, but it is the best and brightest work of a group of idealists working within an imperfect system. HRC is committed, heart and soul, to achieving equality for the entire GLBT community. It will take time and hard work and we will have to bring our nation along slowly. But make no mistake, history is unfolding before us, faster than ever before, and we will not stop our pursuit of equality for all gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Americans until victory has been won.

Who said this? And when? Actually, these are the words of former HRC Executive Director Elizabeth Birch in a statement released June 16, 2003. (read it here)

For those engaged in activism at that point the events of 2007 must seem maddeningly familiar. In fact, these words are ever bit as appropriate today as they were four and a half years ago when they were written. She talks about how we're one community. "We will leave no one behind" - got it. ..."redouble our efforts to provide the extensive education that will be required to make progress" - here we go again. "...not an ideal solution..." - you got that right.

Elizabeth Birch was demonized in the community for this. The difference between then and now is that at least Elizabeth tried to reach out to the community personally. Elizabeth demonstrated at least a shred of respect for transgender leaders, and for the collective anger of the community. Current leadership has not. Other than that - the arguments are the same, the "cure" is the same, and the outcome seeming painfully familiar.

There is an effort underway to engage transgender people to speak to Congress - targeting late January or early February. The effort is being led by Barney Frank's office and they have reached out to someone they perceive as politically astute, pragmatic, and a "friend" to take that message forward. They have engaged Susan Stanton who has in turn contacted some on the very short list of people who Barney's office has identified as meeting 2 criteria: 1) they are well regarded in the trans community and 2) they have not been overly publicly critical of recent ENDA shenanigans. Needless to say, it's a short list.

I heard 5 names on that list - many of which most would probably recognize. It is not a diverse group. There were no FTM's. All are white, and come from professional backgrounds. All are relatively affluent, and live on the East side of the country. To be sure, all would be wonderful representatives. Some have contacted me to get my thoughts on whether they should be involved or not, worried about how they'll be perceived in the community if they do, wanting to do the right thing. But the problem is that this group, as esteemed as it is, sends the wrong message. Partly because it is hand picked by politicians who have demonstrated their own ignorance about us without any input from the community. And partly because many of the voices who should be talking are not being given consideration.

Is this progress? I sure hope so. Somehow, though, it doesn't feel like it. We've come so far in recent years in some respects. In others, it's apparent we haven't moved much at all. Then or now? The answer is "yes".

11:30am: Another story in the news recently are some comments that Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee made in 1992 that AIDS patients should be isolated (read more here). Needless to say, this raised hackles in the GLBT community (and rightly so). HRC engaged Ryan White's mother and asked for a meeting with Gov. Huckabee. After repeated requests - no response. Nothing. Shut out. Dis-empowered. Left standing on the outside looking in. It's maddening, frustrating, infuriating to be dismissed like that. I sympathize with her. Somehow, I think we all know how she feels.

8:30am: The recent news story about a Southern Utah University student denied student housing until he can "prove" his sex is the tip of a much deeper problem. The sad fact of the matter is that we've been focused on Employment discrimination (and ENDA) but transgender people face legal, institutionalized discrimination in housing, public accommodations and other areas all across this country. It needs to become a priority for someone to fix these things, but since it's not on the radar (can you spell agenda?) we flail our arms and bark at the moon for a couple of weeks when they happen, but nothing gets done to address the source of the problem.

I want to share just how deeply engrained into the fundamental laws of this country the prejudices of the past regarding transgender people are, why language is critical, and why it's important to change them.

There is a section in the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 that specifically deals with "Transvestites". Section 508 reads:

SEC. 508. TRANSVESTITES.

For the purposes of this Act, the term "disabled" or "disability" shall not apply to an individual solely because 
that individual is a transvestite.

A little farther down there is a section that outlines the definitions used in the Act:

SEC. 511. DEFINITIONS.

(a) Homosexuality and Bisexuality.--For purposes of the definition of "disability" in section 3(2), homosexuality and bisexuality are not impairments and as such are not disabilities under this Act.

(b) Certain Conditions.--Under this Act, the term "disability" shall not include--

(1) transvestism, transsexualism, pedophilia, exhibitionism, voyeurism, gender identity disorders not resulting from physical impairments, or other sexual behavior disorders;

(2) compulsive gambling, kleptomania, or pyromania; or

(3) psychoactive substance use disorders resulting from current illegal use of drugs.

Why is this important? Why should anyone care?

First, a probably least important, is that it perpetuates the outdated and pejorative term "Transvestite".

Second, does it strike anyone as curious that Homosexuality and Bisexuality are identified all by themselves in definition (A), but "transvestism" and "transsexualism" are listed right along with pedophilia, exhibitionism, voyeurism, and "other sexual behavior disorders" in (b)(1)? Somebody made a conscious decision to do this at a time when we didn't have the visibility to stop it, and it continues the stigma that somehow all these things are related. I'm not advocating that transgender be considered a disability. What I'm saying is that by including transgender with others identified as "sexual behavior disorders" it enables people to discriminate in other ways. It sends a message beyond this particular piece of legislation.

Third, beyond the symbolic value of this, why should anyone care? Because in the Fair Housing Act, and in other applications ranging from employment law, to university housing, to any number of local ordinances, this wording is extracted and used verbatim. Some examples:

The term for this is institutionalized discrimination. The deeper you look, the more you'll find. It's scary and it gets thrown back in our face time after time.

Lastly, I think a key learning is that once you've passed legislation it's much, much, much harder to go back and change it. People move on to other things. It's not important. If ENDA gets passed without protection on the ground of Gender Identity does anyone really believe the cavalry will be coming over the hill to fix it? It will stay broken - institutionalized discrimination - for a long time. That's why people should be so angry about current strategy. The scariest (and most maddening) thing is that our "leaders" will have allowed it to happen.

I approached HRC lobbyists almost 2 years ago to try to get some kind of engagement internally so we could actively work to change the wording. The political landscape was such that opportunities to move the ball forward were few and far between, but highlighting this as a target so we could move when the opportunity presented itself was important. At the very least, we need to move the transgender definitions to their own bullet-point similar to (a) homosexuality and bisexuality. I arranged 2 separate phone conversations on this topic with our lobbyists and political strategists, and we agreed that our best opportunity to change this would be when something was happening to amend the ADA. We agreed to keep our eyes open for potential opportunities.

Fast forward to today. Does it surprise anyone to learn that there is, indeed, a bill to amend the ADA of 1990 currently in play in the Senate? Right now. S. 1881 would amend the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 to restore the intent and protections of that Act. How? By updating some of the definitions. When was it last discussed? A month ago. On 11/15/2007 hearings were held. (details here). Is there anything in it dealing with the definitions for "transvestism" and "transsexualism"? Of course not. Is anyone from any GLBT organization even aware? I seriously doubt it. Opportunity lost.

When are leading GLBT political advocacy organizations going to go to bat on issues that are uniquely T-related? When someone pushes them hard enough to. And where is NCTE on this? I cut them some slack because they've been over-stretched by ENDA in recent months and remain under-staffed, under-funded, and under-appreciated but I hope they make it priority #1 to develop an offensive game plan that get to the heart of many of these institutionalized problems. The sad reality for so many of these things is that until we can get to the bottom and fix them at their roots we're doomed to seeing them happen again and again - and flailing our arms and barking at the moon.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

11:30pm: There are less than 2 weeks left in the year. I'll be doing some sort of Year-In-Review as we get closer to the ball falling in Times Square. It has certainly been quite a year and I think it requires some time for honest reflection.

I spent some of my time today writing my annual Christmas letter. I have had it half-written for a few days now but the inevitability of Christmas has finally pushed me to get it done. It's quite the process and involves no small level of time and effort to write, reproduce, fold, address and mail. Anyway, the first batch went out tonight and the rest will be done by this time tomorrow.

During my various errands this afternoon I stopped by Best Buy. It was surprisingly calm there which would concern me if I were a stock holder but thrilled me as a crazed last-minute shopper. I will share a recent epiphany: I have come to recognize that the most significant invention of recent years is not the iPod or the iPhone. It's the gift card.

I also stopped by the Apple Store for another of my One on One trainings. I have been trying to create the video from my drive across the country last month and have been having a problem I can't get past so I had two people there helping me today. We fixed it.

I'm going to mention a couple of recent news stories here this evening. A couple of weeks ago I included a YouTube clip from The View where one of the hosts argued that she could not accept it if her child asked to express himself/herself in ways that were not "appropriate" to their gender (see it here). I'm not saying there's a cause and affect, but that's the thing that immediately came to mind as I read a news article from yesterday:

7-year-old Beaten for Wearing Nail Polish

A man was arrested after allegedly beating a 7-year-old boy with a belt because the boy applied pink polish to his nails, according to Orange County, Fla., sheriff's deputies.

Read the entire article - Dec. 17, 2007

The second news story is about a student at Southern Utah University:

Transgender student asked for proof

A transgender student at Southern Utah University is being told he must prove he is a male before housing officials will accommodate him.

The school's policy requires that Kourt Osborn, 22, who two years ago initiated transgender treatment and has been living as a man, must either provide school officials proof he's undergone medical interventions or that he's been diagnosed with gender identity disorder, the Salt Lake Tribune reported Wednesday.

Read the entire article - United Press International - Dec. 19, 2007

And the last thing I want to mention is about setting expectations...

I listened to a few clips from the most current edition of HRC President Joe Solmonese's weekly XM Radio program, "The Agenda'. One segment includes 3 different news writers/editors/bloggers in a roundtable discussion about the year in review. One of the things they discussed was the high expectations that the gay community had for real progress on its issues after the 2006 elections. Joe seems to feel that expectations were not managed appropriately.

I share that because the show also includes an interview with openly gay Mass. Representative Barney Frank that they have hopefully titled "The State of the GLBT Movement". Frankly, I don't think either Joe or Barney are in a position to provide anything more than opinion about "the movement" but that's neither here nor there. The thing that's most important to hear is that Barney confirms something that many have been suspecting for a while now - that he expects to push a "sexual orientation" only version of ENDA again in 2009. He talks a little about the "ick" factor and how he feels that transgender people are facing that same "eeeew" reaction that gays and lesbians faced 35 years ago. But when it comes to his legislative vision for the next couple of years I transcribed his comments and here's what he says:

"At this point three important pieces of legislation to vindicate our rights, or – there have been three votes: two in the House and one in the Senate saying, “No. It’s wrong to mistreat people because of their sexual orientation and with regard to hate crimes on their gender identity.” That doesn’t yet become law. It does mean this, and I’m confident of this: If in 2009 people who are pro-LGBT win the presidential election – I wish I wasn’t partisan but right now that means the Democrats – and we have a couple more Senators who are pro-LGBT, they you’re going to see, I think, by the end of 2009 the Employment Non-Discrimination Law will become law. It will be illegal to discriminate based on sexual orientation anywhere in the country. A hate crimes law including protection for people who are transgender will have passed. And we will be, at that point, well on our way to try to extend this to people who are transgender and to getting rid of the ban of gays in the military."

Barney Frank on "The Agenda" - Dec. 17, 2007 (listen to it here)

The reason I share this here is that somebody (Joe? Barney?) needs to be forthcoming and to come clean about the next round of ENDA long before 2009. If they're already setting their sights low then what, exactly, have they learned? Expectations need to be set early so people are not confused by conflicting strategies, stories, commitments, and excuses. HRC will do whatever Barney tells them to do and if Barney has already made up his mind (as his statement seems to indicate that he has) then things will get bigger and badder the next time around. Oy.

Monday, December 17, 2007

10:30pm: This morning I wrote about the days before I could go and sit in a make-up chair at a cosmetics counter. This afternoon I went to have a pre-employment drug test and couldn't help but remember a similar experience shortly before I started to transition. I knew I didn't have anything to worry about in terms of drugs so that was no problem. But in my overall life-frenzy I was afraid they'd somehow detect that I was on estrogen and THAT was how I'd be outed. Looking back on it, it wasn't an intellectual fear but a purely emotional one - as the moment of truth got closer the more worried I got about everything. I am SO glad to be past those days.

I've been reminded of times past by several things recently. I see that Dan Fogelberg died yesterday. He was only 56 years old, and I remember him from high school. In a way, his voice is one of the things that defined my teen years. If you've read here very long you'll know that music is a significant part of my life, and when I think back to late high school/early college (late 70's) the artists that immediately come to mind are Kiss, Peter Frampton, the Doobie Brothers, Elton John, Fleetwood Mac, and Dan Fobelberg. I'm sure I could think of other if I set my mind to it but there are artists who define times of our lives and those are some of mine. Their passing does not go unnoticed.

As I type this I'm watching the end of Led Zepplin Live on VH1 Classic. Talk about the passing of time - they just reunited for a concert in the UK and there's all kinds of talk about the possibility of a tour. I was watching VH1 the other morning as background noise and noticed a video of Robert Plant and Alison Krauss from their new CD together. It's kinda country/rockabily-ish, very different for Robert Plant (see it here). They harmonize well together.

The Buffalo Bills game in Cleveland yesterday was one of those winter games that seems to happen once every 5 or ten years (see photos here). It was played in a driving snowstorm that made it almost impossible to see the field, much less play a professional football game on it, and these kinds of things are becoming more and more rare as traditionally cold-weather winter cities build domed stadiums. I have endured more than my fair share of those kinds of games during my many years as a season ticket holder of an autumn/winter sport played in a city synonymous to "snow" for many in this country. The words "lake effect" are enough to send chills down the spine of anyone from Cleveland, Buffalo, Rochester, or Syracuse. Sunday afternoon's storm made me smile, even though the outcome of the game was disappointing.

I had lunch with my son today. My ex- wants a nice photo of him which is problematic because a) he hates having his picture taken and b) makes goofy faces as a result. I brought my good camera with me so after lunch we went outside, found a shady spot, and I took a bunch of pictures figuring that at least ONE of them would be acceptable to the powers that be. I was right. There are a couple of really great ones. Speaking of photography one of the things I'm hoping to do over the next few weeks is to spend some time with my photos from this past year: Glacier National Park, Autumn in Rochester, various other things. I'm going to find a way to sell some of them - not so much to make money (any money I make would just go into more lenses, cameras, or gadgets anyways) but to realize a dream of taking photographs that others would like enough to actually want to own.

As these next couple of weeks come and go to close 2007 I'll be sifting through things, seeking closure in some areas, and making decisions about 2008. One big event on the horizon is to finally finish paying my ex-wife the court-mandated monthly support; anything I can do to make that happen sooner than planned is good in my book. That single thing impacts so much in my world that finally getting past it is almost unimaginable. Career stuff? Community stuff? Relationship stuff? Health stuff? General life stuff? All will be on my mind in coming weeks and months and I expect my writings to reflect the introspection that these considerations require.

9:00am: There are 8 shopping days before Christmas. It doesn't "feel" like the Holidays in the typical sense. I see that the Northeast has gotten slapped with freezing rain, ice, and now a mountain of snow over the last week. I know there are those who enjoy the winter weather as a part of the Holiday "package" - romantic notions of a White Christmas are a big deal. I do not count myself among them and, if anything, seeing what this storm has done to travel and airports simply reinforces my plan to avoid airports and crowds over the Holidays wherever possible. It's not a Bah-Humbug so much as a need to close our the year with some level of calm.

I was watching the news this morning and they said that 40% of people don't decorate at all over the Holidays. Conversely, that indicates that 60% do. That number seems high to me. What I will say is that many of the people in my neighborhood take their Holiday decorating very seriously so those numbers probably hold true here. One house has a life sized manger in front. Another has a blow-up snow globe on the front walkway and another has a blow-up gigantic Scooby-doo with a Santa hat on the roof. By day it's just a pile of cloth on the roof but sometime around dusk they turn on the generator and it's transformed to a cartoon animal. It's too funny.

I live my Holidays vicariously through others. Last Thursday I went over to a friend's house to enjoy her tree and holiday decorations. And, the single biggest indicator for me of the Holidays isn't the weather, it's the parties. Dr. Meltzer has his annual Holiday party on Saturday night, and last night a group of us including some out of town friends, Dr. Becky and Margaux, and some other local folk got together for a very pleasant dinner.

This was truly a weekend of balance. I went for good, long runs both days and I indulged on Holiday sweets. I watched some football yesterday afternoon and got a make-over yesterday evening. I spent time at the mall (crazy) and time at home catching up on cleaning, paying bills, and starting my Christmas cards. It was a very pleasant weekend.

I'm including a few pics from the various weekend festivities here. In the photos from last night (bottom row) you'll notice more dramatic than usual eyes - I stopped by the MAC store to exchange some of my empties (they have a program where you can trade in 6 empty containers for free stuff) and since it wasn't too busy they did an eye make-over. Those things are too fun and I couldn't help but think back to the days when the thought of being able to walk into a store, sit in a makeup chair, and do that kind of thing was something I could only dream about. I hope I never lose my appreciation or my sense of enjoyment from those simple things.

The band at Dr. Meltzer's Holiday Party
	Me, Roberta-Ann, Mel, Margaux, Dr. Becky, friend, and Monica Helms

Mara from NCTE is visiting Texas this week. She was in Austin on Saturday and is headed across the state for the rest of the week. Here's the schedule - If you live in Texas and can get a chance to see her it's well worth your time. Please say 'hi' for me:

Dallas, Monday: 6:30 pm at the Resource Center of Dallas; 2701 Regan Street (214) 528-0144

Houston, Tuesday: 7:30pm at the Houston GLBT Community Center; 3400 Montrose (corner of Hawthorne)
on 2nd floor (turn left as you exit elevator or stairway).

San Antonio, Thursday: 7:00pm at the Metropolitan Community Church; 611 East Myrtle St.

A story picked up by several major news outlets last week dealt with the fact that several Guitanamo Bay military folks were unleashing their own propaganda campaign to improve their image and to spread rumors about Cuba leader Fidel Castro. Evidence of these efforts was collected and shared by the Wiki people last week (see it here) to the dismay of President Bush who indicates that they were only doing their job. The reason this news is appropriate here is because one of the assertions made against Mr. Castro is that he is (oh, horror!) an "admitted transsexual". Where do they come up with this stuff?

Of Orwell, Wikipedia, and Guantanamo Bay

Winston Smith, the protagonist in George Orwell’s “1984,” worked at a government job he hated, rewriting history to conform to current propaganda imperatives. This week, a group called Wikileaks asserted that the United States military appeared to have a Winston Smith of its own at the Guantánamo Bay naval base, mucking about with the way Wikipedia and news sites portray the base and, curiously, posting odd assertions about Fidel Castro...

Read the entire article - The New York Times, Dec. 14, 2007

Thursday, December 13, 2007

11:00pm: I had some fun today. I started re-building the TransEducate.com website using my iMac. I suppose the inner geek in me really enjoys opportunities to get creative and technical both at the same time. I went to a One-on-One training at the Apple store this morning at the ridiculously early hour of 7am to learn how to use iWeb and spent a good part of the day trying to put the specific skillset that I had learned into practice before I forgot it. The website only contains a half dozen photos at this point and is generally built. I need to find a way to actually publish it somewhere so Jamison and I can look it over and tweak it before uploading the end result to our site. All in all, I had a blast and I've still got lots to learn. I almost can't wait to get back at it tomorrow!

Speaking of Jamison, there was a long article in the Bay Area Reporter this morning:

Former HRC trans business leaders pave their own path

Two transgender business leaders once involved with the Human Rights Campaign have taken matters into their own hands and launched their own employment education project.

The move comes in response to HRC's decision to back a version of the Employment Non-Discrimination Act that does not include protections for gender identity. HRC, the nation's largest gay rights group, had previously committed to supporting a trans-inclusive version of ENDA.

The sexual orientation-only version of ENDA passed the House of Representatives last month.

Bay Area resident Jamison Green, 59, and Donna Rose, 48, of Arizona, tendered a joint resignation from HRC's business advisory council November 27 and launched the Transgender Employment Partnership to continue the work they began at HRC, they said.

Rose had previously resigned from HRC's board of directors, but had remained on the business council until her recent resignation....

Read the entire article - Bay Area Reporter, Dec. 13, 2007

This whole escapade of political activism has made me feel dirty. There's a paragraph of quotes by Dana Beyers, a friend who remains the only trans-person engaged in any role of leadership at HRC (she's on the Board of Governors):

"I believe that we will move forward and be stronger as a result of this," said Beyer, who sees the ENDA debacle as an educational opportunity. "It's too bad that we didn't do this right, but since we did it wrong, I think there is a lot to be learned from it ... I hope that this whole ENDA experience will encourage more trans people to come out and get involved however difficult it may be."

Try as I might, I don't believe any of that. I don't believe this has made us stronger, or will do so in the near future. It's not that I don't see any good that has come from the political mess but the idealist in me has seen too much to be able to believe that this will make us stronger. If anything, it will encourage more of us NOT to come out and get involved. I got an email from a dear friend today who confided that the entire ENDA debacle is making her re-think her advocacy efforts. I'm pulling back in some significant ways, too. I'm hearing from others around the country with similar outlooks. I don't see what in the entire miserable ENDA experience would encourage anyone to do anything, especially when it comes to national politics. The ramifications are far reaching and truly tragic.

Speaking of tragic, something happened to me this evening that has never happened to me before. My car got towed. I was invited to Happy Hour in Tempe so I drove there, parked, found my small group of friends, and spent only 45 minutes or so inside before we all had to leave for various reasons. I got back to where I parked my car and it was gone. I looked on the wall and there was a small sign, a couple of parking spots down, indicating that this was Private Parking and that cars parked there without a permit would be towed. To make a long story short my friends doubled back, picked me up, took me to the tow lot, and helped me get the $140 CASH to get my car out from behind the razor-wire fence. Yeesh. What a hassle. (See below)

I swear - there's some business arrangement between the towing company and the people who own those parking spots. As I stood there wondering where my car was another tow truck drove up and I asked the driver if he had taken my car. He said probably not, but that there were 8 trucks and they were going back and forth all night long. I won't be going back to Tempe anytime soon - that's for sure.

Speaking of photos, I've been getting some nice ones from the Snowball events in Seattle last Friday. Finally, some informal shots that I can like....

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

11:00pm: I met my son for dinner this evening - an early celebration for his birthday next week. He has made arrangements to meet up with friends on his actual birthday and has work most evenings between now and then so I'm thankful we could find the time to meet up. We had dinner at one of his favorite restaurants - a place I actually found when I made Valentine's Day reservations for my ex-wife and I maybe ten years ago. We had a very nice time.

I ran 5 miles in 46 minutes on the treadmill today so I felt ok about splitting his birthday sundae with him. As I've mentioned, I've been enjoying the spirit of the season a little too much recently and it was nice to push myself at the fitness centertoday. A good workout affects my entire outlook on things - it's really amazing. Anyway, I'm going to be sure to do it again tomorrow.

The City Council meeting in Scottsdale was a week ago tonight. Video of the entire thing is available online for those who want to see some of it. I watched it for a while tonight and it's actually very well produced in terms of video and audio quality - better than I expected. When you get to the City Council 2007 page scroll down to "Archived Videos" and click on Video for the Dec. 4, 2007 meeting. It will pop up in a separate window. The section of the meeting dealing with the non-discrimination ordinance is item 11 in the agenda and you can scroll down and select it, or on any of the individual speakers, in the right pane of the video window. If you check it out you'll see what I'm talking about.... (click here to go to the City Council page)

I received an email from TAVA (Transgender American Veterans Association) tonight about a survey they're taking:

New Transgender Veterans Survey
Immediate release. Please post this everywhere.
Transgender American Veterans Association
Contact: Monica F. Helms, President
president@tavausa.org
www.tavausa.org

A new survey has been created to achieve a more accurate picture of the state of the transgender American veteran population. Many of the issues facing transgender veterans are no different than those facing the rest of the transgender community. However negotiating healthcare thru the Veterans Administration and dealing with the Department of Defense poses its own unique set of challenges. This survey is also for those transgender people who are still serving in the military and those veterans who identify and are diagnosed as intersex.

The detailed survey of 117 short questions only takes between ten and twenty minutes of your time and it is the first of its kind to be undertaken. Many of the questions have several choices to them, but just a few will take multiple answers. A large percentage of the questions are a simple “Yes/No.” Some require a written response. While transgender veterans who do not, or have not ever used the VA for their medical needs, can skip that entire section.

The survey can be accessed at:

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=SpQUvMM5ZvidQ8hNGCcIQA_3d_3d

TAVA would appreciate as many transgender/intersex veterans and active duty service members to take this survey as possible. If anyone knows of a transgender veteran who does not have access to a computer, then please help them log on at a local library or community center so TAVA can obtain their responses as well. The answers to this survey will not only help veterans’ organizations in providing assistance to their transgender members, but it will benefit other organizations from the answers not having to do with the military. Since there are no questions about personal contact information, this survey is completely confidential. For additional inquiries about this survey, please contact the Transgender American Veterans Association at: info@tavausa.org, or go to our web site at www.tavausa.org.

I've got my crystal ball out again tonight so I'll tell you what I see:

I see another relatively high-profile "coming-out" in the next couple of weeks. That's all I'll say on that for now...
I expect that there will be an interesting article coming out on Thursday about recent events with Jamison Green and myself and that's all I'll say about that for now, too.
The Maryland House of Delegates will choose one of 3 candidates to replace a Delegate who passed away recently. One of the candidates is Dana Beyer. They'll announce their choice in the next couple of days. My fingers are crossed for Dana.

That's it for tonight. Time for bed. :)

8:00am: Now that I'm telecommuting all day I generally have the TV playing in the background. I don't know how people watch all this stuff all day, every day. It's mind numbing.

The big story this morning was the shooting at a Colorado mega-church where a woman shot and killed an angry gunman who apparently had over 1,000 rounds of ammunition. She says she had God on her side (see it here). There's a big of a stir over soccer mega-star Beckam's recently released underwear ad for Armani (see it here). Maybe it's because I'm not really all that into guys but when I look at him like that I see a puppy on its back waiting to have its tummy scratched. There is a story about the continuing writer strike in Hollywood and what that will mean to TV come January. It looks like "Reality TV" is going to become even more outrageous and prevalent. Oy. There is all kinds of analysis about the presidential campaign - the Oprah Factor, Huckabe's surging ratings, one poll indicates that the thing many people like most about Hillary is her husband, Bill. Double-Oy. There's former NFL superstar Michael Vick being sentenced to nearly 2-years in prison for dog-fighting - I'm still of the mind that a more fitting punishment would be to put him into a pit with the dogs that he tortured. They're already debating on whether he will be allowed to play football again after his sentence.

Anyway, watching this stuff on an ongoing basis will kill brain cells by the thousands. I'm glad I choose to comment only on a very narrow slice of "news" because some of this stuff isn't worthy of comment. Yuck.

One event I've been looking forward to happens today - The Bourne Ultimatum is out on DVD. Now THAT'S a Christmas present worth giving to yourself. :)

I've got a brief follow-up to my Buffalo Bills remarks from yesterday which - by the way - constitute REAL, HARD NEWS. This team started 0-3, choked in a game-for-the-ages kind of way against the Dallas Cowboys on Monday night, got absolutely crushed by the Patriots a few weeks ago, have suffered through injury after injury that have decimated their roster. But still, here they are. Do they deserve it? That would open the door to a discussion on whether or not anyone deserves anything which is a topic near and dear to my heart. Still - whether they deserve it or not is irrelevant. They're a resilient group.

Being a Buffalo Bills fan is an odd thing. ESPN did a commercial a couple of years ago that still brings a smile to my face because its so true-to-life for so many of us. Sigh.

Monday, December 10, 2007

10:00pm: I'm cold. I don't know why. It's kind of chilly and wet here in Phoenix today but certainly warmer than it was in Seattle over the weekend where I was fine. I even lay down and took a little nap late this afternoon. I hope I'm not coming down with something.

I've got a few various odds and ends to share tonight. First, I got an email from someone I met at the Out For Work Conference in Washington DC this past September. She's doing a master's thesis on transgender employment discrimination. If you'd like to participate in her thesis here's a letter outlining what she's doing and her contact information. Tell her 'hi' from me.... :)

November 18, 2007

Dear Prospective Participant,

I am a graduate student in the Women’s Studies Department at Towson University. I am writing my master’s thesis on the topic of transgender employment discrimination. I will be conducting personal interviews with people who self-identify as trans about their employment experiences. I am interested in hearing from all trans identities, including but not limited to transvestites, transsexuals, intersexuals, bigenders, genderqueers, and drag queens or kings. The study will examine the effects of transgender identities on employment discrimination. I am interested in all experiences, both positive and negative. The purpose of the study is to understand the experiences of transgender people with workplace issues and offer recommendations for further research.

I am looking for participants willing to be interviewed. The interviews should last about an hour. The participants will select the location of the interview. Their confidentiality will also be secured through the use of pseudonyms. Only the pseudonyms will appear on interview notes and the thesis paper. The name and contact information of each participant will be secured in a locked cabinet. Only the researcher and her thesis chair will have access to this information. Upon completion of the thesis, this information will be stored for three years and destroyed thereafter. The interviews will be audio taped. However, if participants are uncomfortable, they will have the option on the consent form to decline to being taped and the researcher will rely on notes.

If you are interested in participating, please contact me. Also, please forward this letter to anyone who might be interested in my research.

Thank you for you assistance.

Sincerely,

Kyla Bender-Baird
kyla.benderbaird@gmail.com

There was finally some reaction in mainstream press to the failure of Democratic Party leadership (that means you, Speak Pelosi) to move "gay" bills this year. Hate Crimes was particularly disappointing because it passed in both houses with impressive numbers only to fall victim of misguided/miscalculated strategy. Who is to blame? As we all know - somebody needs to be at fault and one of the pressures of Leadership is that the buck stops there. Anyway, there was an Op/Ed piece in the NY Times today titled "Caving In On Hate Crimes" (read it here). I have lamented on the lack of leadership, of commitment, of strategy on Hate Crimes and ENDA and it's a shame that we end the year where we started it with Nada. Actually, it's more than a shame because the year started with such high expectation and promise on the heels of the new Democratic majority in Congress. Much of that hopefulness is gone now as we lick our collective wounds and look to collect our fragmented wits. I'll be honest in admitting that my confidence that any of the Presidential candidates will miraculously make things better died with my political idealism; casualties of ENDA.

There are some photos of the weekend events in Seattle available now. The group that photographed the event has made the proofs available online. You can seem them here, and by typing in the Secret Keyword: snowball1. There are some there that I actually like. Also, thanks to Allison for sending some to me. I'll share one here:

Allison, me, and Claire at the Snowball 2007 Pre-event.

I've had a few people comment on my Likely to Happen / Should Happen scenarios regarding HRC. A couple of people noted that I didn't mention anything about an apology, which is something I've been adamant about in recent weeks. The fact of the matter is that the window of opportunity for that has closed. At this point it would actually be pointless as the time it would have made a difference was shortly afterwards. Too much time has passed for it to mean anything. Another opportunity lost...

Speaking of "Opportunity" - I was approached by Leslie Townsend and our friend Dee Dee about a project they're working on in Los Angeles. They're producing an event that they're calling the "Trans Sister Tales". Here is a brief write-up that Leslie forwarded to explain:

TRANS SISTER TALES

Trans Sister Tales is a unique theatre piece with an all transgender cast performing their original monologues. This ninety minute play emphasizes not only the shared experience of being transgender but more importantly the individual perspectives of each of the eight cast members as they tell their stories in their own words. It is time for the world to see and hear a true representation of what it means to be transgender in this society. You will see and hear it directly from these awe-inspiring women. They lay their hearts on the stage giving the audience a revealing and touching look into the transgender experience.

It will be performed at a theater in Los Angeles on Thursday, Jan. 24, 2008. I'll provide more specifics as I get them, but they've done a great job engaging many of the people who participated in the V-Day event in 2004 and they hope to turn this into an ongoing effort. I'm working on my monologue in my "spare time" but these kinds of things take more time and energy than you'd think. Anyway, I'll have more to say on this in coming weeks.

From the "Where Does the Time Go?" Department: My son's birthday is less than a couple of weeks away. I posted a bunch of photos of my son and I from his first couple of years of life (1986-1988) on my Donna's World page. It's wild to look at those photos and recognize both my son and myself in them....

Some people in our unique "situation" seem to have a difficult time reconciling their past lives with their current one. That's not much of a problem for me. It's all one lifetime - different chapters certainly but still, all one lifetime. It doesn't diminish how I perceive myself today to acknowledge that the path that got me here was unique. I don't dwell on life experiences I never got to enjoy, or of lives never lived. Those things will eat you alive if you let them. I choose to instead celebrate the things I did get to experience, and on the opportunities I've had.

Speaking of opportunities, Martina Navratilova recently participated in a "Be an Ally" PSA produced by GLAAD (see it here). I created my own little impromptu PSA with Martina while at the NGLCC National Dinner last month. It's not flashy, not "produced", and is just my own creative energies playing around a little, but it's a start:

Wherever I can I'm going to get and create clips like this....

Lastly for tonight - I have officially become a Table Captain at the GLAAD Award Dinners in Los Angeles and New York. I'm inviting anyone and everyone who wants to sit at my table for either of these events to please buy your tickets. All are welcome. The New York event will be on March 17 (details here) and the Los Angeles event will be on Saturday April 26 at the glitzy Kodak Theater (details here). If you're at my table I will promise you an introduction to some of the speakers/celebrities who will be participating at that event. At past Award dinners I've met Pamela Anderson, BD Wong, the Osbornes, the cast of Will and Grace, and others. What's the point of being a board member if there aren't any perks??! GLAAD is doing some wonderful work on behalf of our community (more forthcoming on current efforts in the next few weeks) and it's important that we demonstrate our support. Plus, these things don't have the same political flavor as most HRC events and are just plain fun.

At our first one of these in San Francisco in 2004 Elizabeth and I went out beforehand and got up-do's at a local salon. The vodka flows freely (and when I say freely, the emphasis is on the free) so by the VIP reception afterwards Elizabeth could hardly see. I eventually collected her and brought her back to our hotel room and she fell asleep within seconds. It took me 45 minutes to carefully get all of the bobby pins out of her hair while she slept. That's actually one of my more treasured memories of our adventures together...

Sunday, December 9, 2007

11:30pm: I'm home. It was a very nice, pleasant, relaxing, worthwhile trip. I spent all day yesterday with friends - downtown, sightseeing, at the Public Market, eating, and generally getting to know Seattle a little. By early evening I was relaxed, tired, full, chilled from walking downtown all afternoon, and ready to fall asleep.

I really don't have much more to say - I'll let my photos do the talking. I uploaded several of them to My Blog Photo page.

One thing I enjoy doing on these trips is to take photos out of the plane window. It sometimes makes the flights much more interesting and although I'm sure people sitting nearby probably think I'm whacked I'm okay with that. You can really take some interesting photos from up there - of clouds, ground formations, or other interesting things. I have dozens of them and rarely post them here. But the flight between Seattle and Phoenix is particularly interesting (when it's not too cloudy) so I'm going to share a few from today that probably aren't interesting to anyone but me. Again - that's okay. (The last one is the countdown clock in baggage claim that I mentioned in yesterday's post; less than two months to kickoff):

Part of Las Vegas, NV - from the air - makes an interesting design.	Hoover Dam and Lake Mead - from 32,000 feet
Interesting geological textures from high above - Northwestern Arizona	The Super Bowl countdown clock in Baggage Claim of Terminal 4

One thing that looking out of plane windows and looking down provides is a big-picture view of things. I'll bet those geological textures in the photo above don't look nearly as interesting from the ground as from the air, when you can see the various patterns and textures in some sort of a bigger context. I continue to get people writing to me about their own personal difficult decisions on whether to get (or stay) involved with HRC or not. My response remains unchanged - there are no easy answers and everyone needs to do what they feel is right.

That said, recent maneuvers by HRC to re-engage the transgender community make it appear that nobody is at the helm steering this train. There is nobody there giving direction or advice on what to do - and perhaps even more importantly what not to do - so we have what amounts to an organization flailing and failing with every decision, only making a bad situation worse. I've read "Project Win-Back" and if HRC is wise they'll throw it away and start over. It's not the right people, it's not the right strategy, it's not the right time, and it demonstrates a complete misunderstanding for what got us in this position in the first place and what it will take to begin the path back.

Here is my crystal ball view (the short-version) of what I think is likely to happen over the next few weeks, as opposed to what I think should happen.

Likely to happen

HRC will try to engage what they perceive as a trans "leader" as their mouthpiece into and for the community. Based on recent maneuverings the most likely candidate for this move is Susan Stanton. I don't know if she'll bite, but if she does she'll be in a very precarious position as it will make things worse. They're going to throw money at her to make it more tempting, which makes it even more important to pass on it.

HRC will continue to argue the validity of what has happened without respecting the impacts. It will continue to work these efforts as part of the political branch of the organization and it will continue to face pushback at every turn.

Part of the problem with this approach is that the transgender community already has a number of very talented and respected leaders. This approach by HRC will be perceived as rejecting that leadership, and in effect trying to put its own leadership in power. If it comes to pass, it will make things worse.

Should Happen

HRC should dust off the game-plan from the 2004 Board Meeting and invite a number of transgender leaders to Washington as part of some sort of Leadership discussion as soon as possible. The wisdom of this move is that it respects the community leadership - it doesn't reject it. HRC participants should include Joe, his senior staff, and board co-chairs.

The goal of the discussion isn't to come up with a plan, but simply to begin some sort of face-to-face dialogue. Currently, there is none and without the cover of a group no single person will touch it.

The "Win Back" effort needs to be led by someone perceived as empathetic, dynamic, understanding, and supportive. I can't name a single person on the HRC political side of the house who is perceived that way (no insult intended).

HRC needs to get passed trying to rationalize/explain what has happened. None of us is buying it and the fact that we feel like we're being lied to only makes it harder to repair the damage.

Anyway, enough political talk. On to other topics of interest...

Another item from the nobody-cares-but-me Department: The Buffalo Bills won today and are in a good place for a potential Playoff spot. There was a time when the Bills/Dolphins was THE rivalry. Even though the Dolphins haven't won a game yet this year beating them is still somehow particularly sweet. I doubt that will ever change. Next week is Bills/Browns and the stakes will be high. It has been quite a while since I've been able to use the words "Buffalo Bills" and "playoffs" in the same sentence in December and I'm hopeful but still skeptical. I'm managing my expectations appropriately...

I have eaten more in the last couple of days than I can remember eating in a long, long time. I'm still full. I can rationalize it by telling myself I deserved a treat and a weekend off, although I'll be paying for it later by doing mile after sweaty mile on the treadmill. The deal-breaker was our visit this morning to my mecca of Donuts: Top Pot Donuts in Belltown in downtown Seattle. It's like a shrine to donuts and for people like me for whom donuts are chocolate, steak, pizza and every other favorite food it is ground zero. It even looks cool with its big glass front, two-story library shelves full of books, and upstairs seating loft. I got a dozen assorted donuts and some of them even survived the trip home - they're in my refrigerator chillin'. As we drove to the donut place and then off to the airport there were little pieces of snow in the air - it was very chilly this morning - so as I think of words that go together in December somehow "Buffalo" and "snow" seem like natural partners.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

10:30am: It's a sunny, crisp (as in 34 degree F) morning in the Pacific northwest. I'm staying with friends in Seattle - arrived here yesterday afternoon to attend Snowball. It's actually very pretty - looking out the back window across the patio through the trees as the blue morning sky. It's a nice way to start a day.

The event last night was wonderful - thanks to all who came out and participated. It was nice to finally meet people I've gotten to know via email (Yo, Jeannette!), to have the chance to spend a little time with Marsha Botzer from Ingersoll Gender Center, to chill with Christine Daniels and Claire, and to re-connect with people I met during my visit to Esprit earlier this year. There was a reception prior to the actual Snowball that was quieter and gave a chance to talk and socialize a bit - once we got to the club it was loud and my throat is not happy about that this morning.

This is my first trip in several weeks - since going to Dallas. The airport was like a ghost town. I wish it was like that every time I have to fly anywhere as getting luggage checked and zipping right through security without a line or significant delay is far more the exception than the rule. The city is getting Super-bowl fever and that's certainly apparent at the airport. If you're coming to town any time between now and the end of January there will be no way to escape it. There's a countdown clock in baggage claim that has been ticking down the seconds until kickoff for almost a year now, and T-shirts, hats, signs, and general "stuff" is everywhere...

I have been approached by several friends in recent weeks who have offered to help me move my blog into a more "bloggy" place or have provided thoughts on better/newer/more effective ways to do it. I realize that more formal blogs have all kinds of tools and things associated with them and that there are ways to provide RSS feeds and other technical niceties. I have been thinking about this lately.

My blog has changed quite a bit since I started it in 2004, when the initial inspiration was simply to provide some way to let people who visited my then-small website know that it was "alive", that there was somebody "home", and to provide some insight into a life that is far more ordinary than most would want to believe. At that point I wasn't involved in advocacy the way I find myself now and in many ways life was much simpler. My posts were just snippets of my life I felt free to share, not knowing if anyone was reading them or even had any interest. I joked with someone last week that I would take my blog down for a while to see if it was missed - half joking.

My website has become like a house too big for the people who live there to care for, and there are corners and in fact entire rooms I haven't visited in quite a while. Plus, it just needs a good dose of modernizing - in terms of tools, look and feel, and structure. I just don't have the time of the energy to be able to do it all. There are parts that aren't up to date, that I couldn't keep current even if I wanted to, and in fact it's probably time to consolidate, to re-invent, to re-engineer, to mature, and to move to a smaller home. I expect that there will be a DonnaRose.com version 2.0 sometime in the not-too-distant future, as it has changed both in flavor, in reason for existing, and in simple ability to maintain to the point where it's time for a rebirth. I don't know exactly when that will happen - I expect it will roll out in phases - but it's on my radar and I hope to get to it sooner rather than later.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

5 pm: I have a couple more things to share today before heading to the gym.

On Pam's House Blend, Autumn Sundeen is featuring a video clip of a segment from "The View" discussing gender-variance in children. It's worth watching. (see it here).

Speaking of video, I have the individual segments from the ET "Transgender Summit" series from last May but hesitate posting them to YouTube. There's some additional stuff on there that expands on the theme but I'm not sure it adds enough to warrant uploading these clips there. I may load them somewhere else - we'll see.

I'm headed to Seattle tomorrow for "Snow Ball" and hope to take some video there that I can share. More on that later...

The late afternoon news out of Washington DC that the Hate Crimes bill has been stripped from the Defense Authorization Act is not a surprise, but is nonetheless a shame. There are many reasons, not least of which there are many Democrats who actually support the Hate Crimes bill but will refuse to support ANY legislation on the war. The short version is that Hate crime legislation is dead for this year (read about it here) and I'm sure there will be finger pointing and second-guessing about it. There is a glimmer of good news in this - there is already talk about bringing it back early next year in hopes of getting it passed again and there seems to be some momentum to making that happen. We shall see - I've heard far too much talk lately and seen far too little to show for it.

I'm seeing reporting and coverage of recent HRC outreach efforts. Part of me doesn't want to talk about the organization any more right now. Another part compels me to share it as "news" that is simply part of a discussion that we've already started. So, I will share. I will not comment, however.

HRC Doublespeak Wins No Hearts or Minds
By Pauline Park

What’s the point of damage control if it only compounds the damage?

That’s the question I asked myself after last night’s community forum at the LGBT Community Center of New York City sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign. The forum on the Employment Non-Discrimination Act that passed the U.S. House of Representatives on Nov. 7 drew nearly 100 people, including a substantial number of transgendered people as well as non-transgendered lesbian, gay, and bisexual community members. But despite the demographic diversity of the audience, there was unanimity regarding the HRC and its betrayal of transgendered people in supporting the stripped-down, sexual orientation-only version of ENDA that passed the House with the support of HRC and over the opposition of United ENDA, a coalition of more than 360 national, state, and local LGBT organizations from throughout the country....

...If one is to judge from last night’s forum here in New York, the ‘listening tour’ that David Smith and other senior and junior HRC staff have now embarked on will not bear fruit, because HRC seems incapable of offering anything but double-speak and spin. The comments from Smith were dripping with condescension and disdain for members of the audience and members of the LGBT community more generally. The attitude seemed to be that only HRC knows how to do legislation. As someone who has actually led a successful legislative campaign at the local level and who has participated in several legislative campaigns both at the city and state level here in New York, know how difficult legislative work is and how difficult it is to work with self-interested politicians.

Read the entire article here on The Visible Vote 08

And another...

No Gotham Welcome Wagon for HRC
By Duncan Osborne

After repeatedly defending the Human Rights Campaign strategy for passing the federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) without protections for transgendered people, a senior HRC staffer said the lobbying group would have employed a different strategy had it known its efforts would result in an angry response.

"We probably would not have played it out the same way," said David M. Smith, HRC's vice president of programs, when asked what HRC would do if the group got a "do-over."

Smith's comments came at the close of a 90-minute town meeting held at the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Community Center on December 5.
Smith and Sultan Shakir, HRC's regional field director, faced withering and often angry questioning about the organization's shifting positions on ENDA - that went from supporting transgender inclusion, to neutrality after transgender protections were tossed out, and finally to aggressively backing the bill before its November 7 vote....

Read the entire article here on Gay City News

I'll close by sharing some good news. I received news today that my alma-mater, Syracuse University, is one of only 8 institutions nationwide to receive a perfect score on a LGBT Climate index. Congratulations to Adrea and the entire group there. You rock!

SU achieves perfect score in national rankings for LGBT campus climate

Campus Pride, the leading national organization that promotes collaboration among lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) student leaders and campus groups, has named Syracuse University one of only eight institutions nationwide to earn a perfect, five-star rating in its LGBT-Friendly Campus Climate Index. This honor exemplifies SU's commitment to LGBT students, faculty and staff through policy inclusion, support services and focus on academic and student life initiatives

Read the entire article here

11 am: It seems as though I can't escape a continued role as a focal point for HRC emotion/activity/communication. I'll take a minute to address some of the recent email I have been getting.

First, people have been asking whether they can or should get/stay involved with HRC in any number of capacities. My response: do whatever you feel is right in your heart. I'm in no position to tell anyone what to do. Just be careful, and know that there may be consequences. I have already seen Susan Stanton's reputation come under attack - from those in the community - for coming to Chicago to speak on behalf of HRC last weekend. Things are very hot right now.

I received a copy of an HRC memo that outlines something that seems to be dubbed "Project Win Back" aimed at trying to re-engage the community. I have a number of opinions on what it contains but will keep most of them to myself at the moment. The largest, and most significant mistake that's apparent to me right off the bat is that this effort is being managed by the political part of the organization - the part that did the damage in the first place. Last night in NYC there was an HRC sponsored town hall attended by 100 or more from the community and the people giving the presentation were David Smith and the regional political field organizer. No offense intended, but these are not the right people to be doing this work and the fact that they have apparently been tasked to do it demonstrates to me that they still don't get it. I wouldn't go across the street to hear an HRC politico talk, and this entire "Win Back" plan is politically centered, motivated, and fueled. IMHO - that's not the kind of education we need to change hearts and minds in this country.

This effort needs to be managed in the Diversity group, or at even as part of a brand new program internally that is NOT political. They need to hire a transgender leader, or even someone who's not transgender but who the community can trust, to give it direction and legitimacy. Fixing this begins with identifying resources, money, and commitment - not with a politically-centric plan. Oy.

I can't stoop to simple HRC bashing without offering more constructive thoughts and goals. Somewhere in this document there needs to be the word "apology" or something that at least recognizes the significant damage that they have done. I don't see it. I don't feel it. The fact that they don't seem to get that, or seem unwilling to acknowledge that, makes other discussions moot at this point because, until that happens, many of us will see only words.

The vote in Scottsdale on Wednesday was a good example of a missed opportunity to turn words into actions. HRC signed on as one of the groups supporting adding sexual orientation and gender identity protections for city employees. A large group of people from across the entire community showed up to demonstrate support for this important initiative. I would have expected to see some level of actual HRC presence there - we've got a board member from Phoenix, and several leaders of the local steering committee. How many were there? Guess...

9 am: In yesterday's entry I mentioned some of the leadership roles where we're seeing well qualified candidates who are trans, as well as the glass ceiling so many of us find keeps us from breaking through to higher levels. One of these days - and I think it will be sooner than we think - the various elements that will be necessary to break through that barrier will all come together: the right person, with the right qualifications, with the right message, in the right place, at the right time, who is able to keep the discussion focused on substantive issues rather than personal attacks. Politically, we've been knocking at the door but it has been a difficult door to open.

One area where we're finally seeing transgender identified brothers and sisters moving into areas of leadership is within the GLBT movement itself. If we can't integrate into the broader GLBT community what makes anyone think we'll be able to do it in broader society? Those same things that I mentioned earlier, that need to happen for one of us to break through, need to happen internal to the GLBT community as well. Thankfully, that is happening.

The most recent example is that my dear friend and "big sister", Katherine Dean, was officially introduced as the new Executive Director of the Golden Gate Business Association in San Francisco this past Monday. The GGBA is the oldest LGBT Chamber of Commerce in the country and has a record of leadership and innovation, and I think this move certainly continues that record. You can count the number of ED's of major GLBT organizations on one hand so this is not a trivial achievement. You can read the official introduction here, and if you have any doubts as to what this means in the broader context - especially in the shadow of ENDA - know that the significance is not lost on the local press:

Gay Chamber Hires Transgender ED

With the country's LGBT community embroiled in a debate over protecting transgender people in the workplace, the nation's oldest gay chamber of commerce announced this week it has hired a post-op transsexual woman as its new executive director.

Katherine Dean, 53, took over leadership of the San Francisco-based Golden Gate Business Association Tuesday, November 27, but the chamber waited until this week to officially announce its decision.

In an interview with the Bay Area Reporter Monday, December 3, Dean said she decided to come out publicly about her transgender status due to the fight over the federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act and the decision by congressional leaders to drop gender identity protections from the bill. Known as ENDA, the bill passed the House in November and is now awaiting approval in the Senate.

"I personally felt it was time to make a stand and come out," Dean said. "I've spent over a decade trying to hide my history of being transgendered, but after what happened last month with ENDA, I chose to come help make a difference."

Peggy Hughes, GGBA's newly elected board president, said in a statement that Dean not only brings needed experience to move the chamber forward but also is certain to raise the visibility of transgender inclusion within LGBT leadership roles.

"First and foremost, we chose the best qualified person for the job," stated Hughes. "At the same time, San Francisco always leads by example, and I do believe having an openly transgendered woman in this highly visible role strengthens the inclusiveness of our diverse business community."

Read the entire article here - Bay Area Reporter, Dec. 6

Congratulations to sister Kate and to the Board of the GGBA for their leadership.

For those looking for ways that they might be able to get involved but don't know where to start, there is a conference every year well worth investigating. The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (The Task Force, for short) holds the Creating Change Conference each year and attracts national leaders as well as aspiring activists. The 2008 edition, to be held in Detroit in February, looks to be the largest and most expansive yet so if there's any way for you to attend it will be well worth your efforts. I'll be there for the first couple of days before I have to leave for a GLAAD Board meeting. See you there!

Speaking of leaders, the always wonderful Jenny Boylan is on the launch-pad for her next book, "I'm Looking Through You", to be officially released in mid-January. She's got a Message Board on jenniferboylan.net that seems to be a happening place. I went there and created an account so if you're there sometime maybe we'll bump into one another.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

11am: Some additional thoughts on last night's Scottsdale City Council meeting. First, some photos:

One of the words that rose to the top of the heap in a night filled with words was "Leadership". There were those on the council who obviously didn't want these protections for any number of reasons, but when the word Leadership was put forward it became a rallying point for those who supported the initiative. Some argued that there wasn't any discrimination going on, that people would be covered by other protections, that this was giving "special" rights to some. But when the word Leadership came forward I'll have to say that Mayor Manross won me over by showing exactly that - Leadership.

Others have made good on past failures of leadership (in my opinion) demonstrating to me that we do learn from past mistakes. I was very harsh about the role that Equality Arizona played in the non-event of not granting protections for City of Phoenix employees 18 months ago, characterizing it as a "Failure of Leadership". I sat next to Equality Arizona Executive Director Barbara McCullough-Jones during last night's meeting and she redeemed herself mightily, having done all the legwork to educate the council and coordinating things so we had our best chance to get this passed. She had provided them with the tools. She had done all she could to help make the right thing happen so that, by the time the meeting started the hard work to even get to that point had been done - now it was up to the individual council-members to do the right thing. Bravo to Barb and to Sam Holdren, to the folks from the Arizona Transgender Alliance, and to all who helped do that work. It paid off last night.

These things do not happen by themselves. It requires quite a bit of work to push initiatives to the point where they're even up for debate. That's what makes things like what happened in the House of Representatives on ENDA so difficult to stomach. All of the hard work to get to that point went for naught when the gender-identity language was stripped. Even more galling is that the people who did the stripping would turn around and blame the people who had been doing the work as not having worked hard enough. Don't even get me going on that again..

The impact of the ENDA mess on future city and state efforts will reverberate until the damage is fixed. HRC and other supporters on the "Incremental Gain Train" argued that getting ANY version of ENDA passed set an important precedent for the future. What they fail to recognize is that the precedent it sets isn't for passing Employment Non-Discrimination legislation. It's for stripping off Gender Identity. More than one speaker argued against this amendment to local code by pointing out that gender identity wasn't included in the national bill, and should be considered separately. It's testament to the leadership of those involved who would not allow the discussion to wander into that rat-hole and kept it focused on providing protections for ALL.

The bathroom thing kept coming up, warning that GLBT people would suddenly be using bathrooms in parks, and in other places that they might come into contact with kids. It was the worst kind of scare tactic and again, the speakers who supported us were able to refocus the discussion on the topic at hand. One of the real ironies of the night is that the entire meeting started with the Pledge of Allegiance led by a half-dozen 6-year-olds from a local Brownie troop. They were so cute. And the room was packed to the brim with many who represent the entire spectrum of our beautiful communities. I don't think single one of them suffered any permanent emotional damage by being in that room last night. In fact, I'll bet most didn't even notice anything out of the ordinary.

One attorney arguing against us pointed out that Gender Identity Disorder (he stressed the word Disorder) is a mental disease and that these poor misguided people were mutilating their bodies. After one of the particularly harsh speakers finished some in the audience hissed, bringing a rebuke from the Mayor, and it took no small amount of self-control to avoid jumping up and telling these people that they have no clue about what they're saying. But there is a process, and we need to work within the process, and by the time it all came down to Mayor Manross's tie-breaking vote I felt all had handled the situation with dignity and respect.

As we filed out of the building afterwards new crews pulled a few people aside to get reaction. If you watch the report on the local CBS affiliate you can see yours truly. (see it here) The word I used to describe how I was feeling is "Elated". And, I am.

On to other things....

Ethan St. Pierre posted the audio from our talk on Sunday night online. If you've got an hour of time and want to hear - it's worth a listen. (Listen here)
Michelle Bruce lost her run-off election bid in Georgia (read it here). Sadly, I'm not surprised. And does anyone believe that the unfounded attack on her didn't ultimately bring her down? Although the judge ruled it had no merit - the damage had been done.
Dana Beyer, who ran for the Maryland state legislature last year (and who, I think, is the only trans-person still at HRC in a leadership role - on the Board of Governors) is a potential candidate for a state delegate seat that became available when the person holding that seat suddenly died last week. (Read here)

Lastly, I got an alert from NCTE this morning on events in Indiana with regards to Driver's License data mismatches:

Success in Indiana!
Indiana BMV Stops Practice of Using Gender to Invalidate Driver Licenses

The Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles (BMV) has agreed to immediately discontinue using gender mismatches solely as a reason for invalidating driver licenses. Indiana Transgender Rights Advocacy Alliance (INTRAA) and the National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE) successfully worked with officials at the Indiana BMV to bring about this policy change.

On November 6^th, the Indiana BMV began issuing warning letters to people in the BMV database whose information did not match Social Security Administration's (SSA) records. Information compared between the two databases included name, Social Security number, date of birth, and gender. Letters instructed recipients to resolve discrepancies within 30 days or risk losing their driving privileges.

INTRAA and NCTE brought to the Indiana BMV's attention that Social Security uses a different standard for changing gender markers than what the BMV uses. Because of these differing standards, some transgender people legitimately have an Indiana driver license or identification card with one gender marker and SSA records with a different gender marker. Through the work of INTRAA and NCTE, Indiana BMV Commissioner Ron Stiver realized the difficulties surrounding gender marker verification and issued an immediate policy change. The newest policy is that gender mismatches will be ignored by the BMV.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

11pm: The Scottsdale City Council meeting was tonight. It was quite the experience - almost surreal.

Scottsdale is a very upscale community. You can replace the word "upscale" with any number of synonyms - affluent and expensive come to mind - and they all apply. It and Paradise Valley are like the Beverly Hills of the Phoenix area. Movie stars live there. Million dollar homes are the rule, not the exception. You see the most amazing cars just driving down the beautifully manicured streets. Others call this city - just northeast of Phoenix - "Snottsdale" as a reference to the perceived snob factor of the area. Today's paper listed several recent local real estate transactions here: one for over $4 million, and another at $2.25 million (the article specifically mentions that the buyers paid cash for it) - read the article here. Anyway, you get the picture. That's partly why what happened tonight was such big news...

I got to the meeting early to ensure that I got a parking spot, and a seat. Since I had a little time to kill I strolled the beautiful grounds of the Civic Center, enjoying the sunshine-warmed 75 degree weather (they got a foot of snow in upstate NY last night and today), the deep blue skies, the fountains and carefully manicured flower beds. It's a very pretty area with walking paths, the library and the Performing Arts Center, benches around a large pond filled with fountains and artsy statues (and ducks, and 2 swans). It's a fitting centerpiece to the city. Ironically, there's a bit statue saying "LOVE" nearby that I thought was particularly ironic given what we were there to discuss.

As time passed the small City Council meeting area filled to bursting with people wanting to say something about this ordinance.

I don't know if there's anything that can prepare you to sit in a room with a couple hundred other people and have to listen to people argue why it's right to deny you basic human rights because it's not necessary, or it's too expensive, or it's inconvenient. There were more supporters than opponents there, but to listen to grown adults talk about gender reassignment surgery as "self-mutilation" and transgender people as mentally disturbed isn't something I have to do very often. It was a long night - lasting almost 4 hours - but in the end the Mayor herself held the tiebreaking vote. Thankfully, she voted with us. And the measure passed. (news article here)

Some photos of the afternoon and evening:

The grounds of the Scottsdale Civic Center	Christmas tree near Scottsdale Civic Center	All you need is "LOVE". On the grounds of the Scottsdale Civic Center.
Michelle and me before the City Council meeting	The crowd is growing	Standing room only

I'll have more to say on this. I'm too tired to write more now. I just wanted to share the good news. I talked with a couple of the news crews that were covering it afterwards and told them I was ecstatic about how things unfolded. And, I am. :)

10am: The Scottsdale City Council meeting to decide whether to add gender identity and sexual orientation to the list of non-discrimination protections is this afternoon. I've seen a flurry of email about it - on both sides. Some of the very right-wind opponents indicate that they'll be there to oppose. Local GLBT allies will be there in force, as well. I will be there as a supporter - no active role - and will provide an update on proceedings afterwards. It should be interesting. I'll even try to take some photos to share.

The current print edition of The Advocate is of particular interest right now, featuring a cover story titled "Gay vs. Trans: The Great Divide?" Some of the write-up on the Advocate.com website explains the story as follows:

The LGBT “community” has never seemed less communal than in the last few months. When Barney Frank decided in September to move forward with a federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act that covered sexual orientation and not gender identity, it was as if an earthquake had gone off in the queer world, laying bare the differences between us. Within days, 300-plus LGBT organizations around the country had united in opposition to that version of ENDA, saying it wasn’t fair for some members of the community to gain rights when others would not, while Frank, the Democratic leadership in the House of Representatives, and political insiders savvy to the legislative process argued that passing an imperfect measure was better than no measure at all. Caught in between was the Human Rights Campaign, which initially declined to support or oppose ENDA in an effort both to preserve its valuable Capitol Hill relationships and placate its allies in the movement.

Do we all belong together anyway, or has the acronym LGBT outlived its usefulness, both in name and in practice? How do we all feel -- really feel -- about each other?

The Advocate decided to find out. On Wednesday, November 7, 10 very different New Yorkers -- three transgender women, two transgender men, three gay men, a gender-ambiguous lesbian, and her bisexual girlfriend -- joined moderator Tim Murphy at the West Village restaurant Barbuto for a mini town-hall meeting about this thing we call community. Coincidentally, it was the same night that ENDA passed the House in a tight 235–184 vote. The following are excerpts from the two-hour-long conversation, by turns funny, serious, combative, and poignant, along with portraits of the participants.

I haven't read the article yet so I really can't comment on content, other than I think it's a very timely and important discussion and I'm glad to see it taking center stage like this. I also can't help but wonder if they had that discussion today - following events of the past month - whether the feelings would be the same or different. Anyway, I'll be visiting Barnes and Noble to pick it up later today. I hope the story does the topic justice. Each of us has our own opinions on these questions - all of which are valid - so if you ask any ten people you're likely to get ten very interesting and different answers. I expect there will be common themes, one of which is that there are no easy answers or quick fixes. If we truly are a family more than simply a hodge-podge collection of alphabet soup then we'll need to find a way to solidify that in ways that all will be welcome and all will be appreciated. If not, we'll still need to find a way to work together.

I expect that the conversations will we working their way out of Washington and the halls of Congress and into cities across the country. HRC brought Susan Stanton to Chicago to speak last weekend. HRC is holding a Town Hall in NYC tomorrow (Dec. 5) titled "ENDA: Where are we now? How do we get to full inclusion?". (Details are here) I've heard that Joe Solmonese is arranging to travel to San Francisco to speak to trans leaders there and I'll provide details on any public discussions as they become available. I think it's important to participate in these discussions and I'm happy to provide additional visibility to them as they occur.

Mara Keisling from NCTE is out on the road, as well. I'm told she's be visiting several cities in Texas later this month. One confirmed stop is in San Antonio:

A Trans Discussion with Mara Keisling

Thursday Dec. 20, 2007
7 to 8:15 p.m.
Metropolitan Community Church
611 E. Myrtle Street, San Antonio., TX

ADMISSION IS FREE

This program, co-sponsored by San Antonio Gender Association, Stonewall Democrats of S.A., and Metropolitan Community Church will feature Mara Keisling, Executive Director, National Center for Transgender Equality. Mara is a graduate of Penn State University and did her graduate work at Harvard University in American Government. You know her as a key figure who lobbied for passage of a trans-inclusive federal hate crimes bill and a trans-inclusive employment non-discrimination act

. She is touring the country to talk to us and to listen to our concerns. The evening will focus on issues of gender identity that affect our daily lives; employment, societal exclusion, Social Security gender-record matching, a National ID card, use of the bathroom, and other issues that challenge us.

Speaking of working together, I see a Blog entry on TransAdvocate.com titled "YouTube Goes Trans" that includes several recent video clips that have been posted on YouTube.

As a follow-up to the situation in Georgia where Michelle Bruce was accused of "fraud" by sore-losers in a Riverdale city council election - a judge threw out the complaint clearing the way for the runoff election to proceed as scheduled. Today. (Read about it here). It boils my blood to know that ignorant people can make those kinds of unfounded, personal attacks that are blatant examples of their own bigotry. It makes me want to run for office just so I could expose these kinds of people for just what they are.

Monday, December 3, 2007

8am: This was the most productive weekend I've had in a long time. I spent time continuing to "nest" here and, for the first time, it's finally feeling like home. I'm really enjoying it.

I've had more opportunity to get out these last several days than in recent weeks. I had a friend traveling through town on Friday so we met for dinner, despite all the rain that flooded the valley. She got married last weekend and they were on their way to their honeymoon so who could say no to that? I had dinner with my friend Laura on Saturday. Last night, a friend driving from TX to Palm Springs spent the night on her way through, and I did a segment with Ethan St. Pierre on TransFM (I expect it will be available online at some point soon). I'm scheduled to meet another friend tonight who is in town for an extended session with Maria, our electrologist. Tomorrow is the City Council meeting in Scottsdale. On Wednesday there's something, too. I leave Friday for a couple of days in Seattle. I'm firmly back on my workout schedule so that's good. I've got a ton of email to return (if you've written but haven't gotten a response lately I'm sorry - I'm way behind). I've got a ton of stuff to do with Jamison to move things forward with TransEducate.com - I'll have more on that in a subsequent post. All in all - life is busy.

I've got a couple of video things to mention today. I uploaded the Weekend Edition version of the Entertainment Tonight "Transgender Summit" series from last may to YouTube.

There were 3 individual segments, as well, that had some additional stuff but I didn't see a need to upload them.

Those interested in the political side of things might be interested to see some comments that Representative Tammy Baldwin had to say to Pam Spaulding from Pam's House Blend this past weekend. They were attending the International Gay and Lesbian Leadership Conference in Las Vegas, and Pam had an opportunity to sit down with Rep. Baldwin and ask some questions about Hate Crimes and ENDA. The nugget that I glean from her answers is that she, too, believes that the votes were there to pass an inclusive ENDA. The argument that the votes weren't there is simply vaporware in my book. The question she poses is whether or not the votes were there to fend off potential Republican "mischief", but she argues that we never gave it that chance. You can watch her comments here. Thanks to Pam for posting that.

Friday, November 30, 2007

4pm: Well, the project is implemented. All seems to be going well. That's a big relief.

It's raining outside. My front and back doors are open and I can hear the rain coming off the roof and hitting the ground out front. Rain here is an event - I can't even remember the last time I felt a raindrop. The part I like best about rain in the desert isn't the wet or the clouds - it's the smell afterwards. It's a fresh smell. I was trying to explain it in an email to a friend this morning and it's not something you can really describe. I wish I could bottle it - fresh, and sweet, and clean. They say we're in for an inch or two which is just fine by me. I'd take rain this time of year over snow ten times out of ten.

As I've been working today I've had a Tom Petty DVD playing in the background. You know how lyrics seem to jump out at you just at the right time to take on a life of their own sometimes? That happened as I my attention was grabbed to one of the songs that's a Bonus Track on the Soundstage DVD. The song is Walls, and here are some of the lyrics....

Sundowns are golden
Then fade away
But if I never do nothing
I'll come back some day

Cause you got a heart so big
It could crush this town
And I can't hold out forever
Even walls fall down

And all around your island
There's a barricade
It keeps out the danger
It holds in the pain

Sometimes you're happy
Sometimes you cry
Half of me is ocean
Half of me is sky

The version on the DVD I have is a fairly up-tempo one. There's a version on YouTube that is more acoustic, but somehow I think the harmonies add to the song. Anyway, I uploaded it to YouTube so you can watch if you'd like.

Speaking of walls coming down, I hate to continue to harp on this crazy poll (or is it pole?) that HRC released the exact same moment that they decided to publicly announce their policy shift but apparently I'm not the only one who refuses to allow it to die. There are way too many questions around if for reasonable people to just take it and not question it. How was it created? When? Who did you talk to? Why, specifically? Even people who can somehow rationalize and support HRC's political decisions have got to take notice of this and wonder because it raises some very serious questions not only about credibility, but about integrity. Someone needs to be accountable for this kind of damage.

The latest blast comes from none other than Mike Signorile - he of the Sirius radio fame and fellow SU alum. He posted something about it on his blog today:

HRC has been accused of mismanaging its relationship with Democrats in Congress, losing control of the politics surrounding the Employment Non-Discrimination Act as well as going back on it's word regarding ENDA and trans-inclusion. Two months after HRC executive director Joe Solmonese said HRC would not support a bill that didn't included protections for transgender people his group backed and pushed a trans-free ENDA.

Now add another low point: skewing polls to back up HRC's bad decisions and dishonest dealings. At the height of the debacle in October over dropping transgender protections of ENDA, a poll suddenly materialized, commissioned by HRC, that magically backed up their new position and their turnaround. Contrary to a previous poll of gays, lesbians and bisexuals (which showed widespread support for trans-inclusion in ENDA), this poll showed that a huge majority -- 68% -- supported dropping trans-inclusion.

Now, the Washington Blade exposes the bias built into in the poll, quoting experts who describe the poll as troubling, nonsensical and not worthy of publication. It becomes clear that HRC was purposely trying to manipulate the results.

The Human Rights Campaign's Sleazy Poll Manipulation - Signorile.com, Nov. 30 2007

If I said this kind of stuff I'd be accused of having an axe to grind, or of being bitter. Well, Mike says it better than I ever could. And, I love the words: sleazy, bad decisions, dishonest dealings, debacle, nonsensical, not worthy of publication.

Since I seem to be a media whore this week I may as well end it on a high note. I'll be on TransFM with the always electric Ethan St. Pierre and Teeg on Sunday evening (details here). We've been talking about doing this for well over a year. Ethan wanted it way back when, and even promised to be "nice", but it just never happened for any number of reasons. Anyway, knowing Ethan and knowing me I expect it will be a lively discussion. I'm looking forward to it.

11:00am: The wheels of our legal system turn slowly. There are a couple of high-profile cases involving transgender people that were in the news for a while but have gone into that limbo time between when things actually happen and decisions are made.

One is the case where Diane Schroer, a former Special Forces officer, sued the Library of Congress for discrimination in 2005. The government asked that the suit be dismissed, but a judge ruled this week that it can proceed (read about it here).

Diane has a wonderful video on YouTube that is a model each of us can use to share our stories.

The other case is Rhainnon O'Donnabhain and her suit against the IRS to deduct medical expenses towards SRS.

I asked Rhiannon for an update on how things were going and she sent me this last week:

GLAD and the IRS filed their briefs with the tax court last week. Response briefs will be filed in early February. Could be a year after that b4 the judge makes a decision.

With respect to companies adding srs to its benefits…… typically health insurance companies base decisions to cover or not cover a medical expense based on what they consider “medical necessity”. The internal revenue code for medical deductions (irc 213) doesn’t rely on “medical necessity. Rather IRC 213 allows deductions for expenses for what it calls “medical care”. And IRC defines medical care like this….

The term ''medical care'' means amounts paid -

(A) for the diagnosis, cure, mitigation, treatment, or prevention of disease, or for the purpose of affecting any structure or function of the body,

This is what my case is all about – expenses paid for medical care iaw IRC 213.

I'm sure both will make a big splash when they're finally decided. Until then, both are still in flight....

7:00am: Yawn. My project implemented successfully overnight. Users will be testing to be sure everything is working this morning and we'll make a final decision to move forward or back-out at noontime. This is good news. We're expected to get a couple of inches of rain here in the Valley later today, which I suppose is good news as well. We need it. I truly can't remember the last time I saw rain here which says something about eithe my memory or the dry conditions - I don't know which.

I noticed a couple of things to mention this morning and, for once, I'm a little hesitant to be too harsh.

First, there's an article in FAIR this week titled "Transforming Coverage: Transgender issues get greater respect - but anatomy remains destiny" about he greater visibility transgender people are getting in popular media. Not just visibility but positive visibility. There's a difference.

Transgender is hardly a new concept, but until recently it’s been considered by the media to be a topic for tabloid talkshows, not serious news programs. The tide is turning, though; as more and more public figures are coming out as having a gender identity different from their birth-assigned sex, and transgender characters are finding their way into more mainstream entertainment media (on TV shows like All My Children and movies like Transamerica), transgender stories are likewise moving from Jerry Springer to CNN at a remarkable pace....

Transforming Coverage by Julie Hollar at FAIR.com

This is huge and I expect this trend to do nothing but continue. In many was, this is how things that at one time were considered marginal eventually become accepted (it's hard to estimate the huge role that Will and Grace had on gay and lesbian acceptance).

Two of the leaders in our community in this regard are Calpernia Adams and Andrea James, who combined make up "Deep Stealth Productions". I first met Calpernia through the V-Day event in Los Angeles that she and Andrea arranged in 2004. I knew Andrea, at least by reputation long before that. Her story and photos as posted online, chronicling her amazing transformation through FFS, had a profound affect on me and for the first time planted the seed that this might be possible.

Calpernia's name pops up in two different contexts. First, author and playwright Eve Ensler (The Vagina Monologues) is planning a star-studded 10th Anniversary of V-Day.

On April 12, 2008, V-Day will stage a once in a lifetime event - V TO THE TENTH - featuring international performances of The Vagina Monologues, musical guests, V-Day activists from across the globe, including Kenya, Afghanistan, Iraq, the Philippines, Democratic Republic of Congo, Eastern Europe, men standing up for women and much more.

Calpernia Addams, Glenn Close, Rosario Dawson, Ellen DeGeneres, Jane Fonda, Salma Hayek, Ashley Judd, Jennifer Hudson, Julia Stiles, Marisa Tomei, Kerry Washington, Oprah Winfrey and musicians Peter Buffett, Eve, Toni Childs, Common, Charmaine Neville, and Joss Stone have already signed on.

The evening will open minds and hearts and raise much needed attention and funds for groups working to end violence against women and girls around the world, and in New Orleans and the Gulf South.

Eve Ensler: V to the Tenth

The fact that Calpernia has gotten top billing over the likes of Ellen DeGeneres and Oprah Winfrey has got to be a coup. Way to go, Calpernia! :)

The other context has me scratching my head a little. She's starring in a Reality TV series recently announced by Logo titled "Transamerican Love Story" where she gets to pick between 8 men, all brought together and who participate in a series of challenges to win her affections.

	Guy Turned Girl Seeks Love on Reality TV ABC News - November 29, 2007 Calpernia Addams was born male but transitioned to female in her early twenties. Now she's looking for love on reality TV. By SHEILA MARIKAR Dashing boy ...
	Love, Transamerican Style 365Gay.com - Nov 29, 2007 by Erin Carlson, AP A new TV reality dating series slated for February has a twist – the bachelorette is a transgender woman. ...

I dunno. I'm not a fan of so-called Reality shows but I really hope this goes well for Calpernia. She's truly a sweetheart. I've got to believe she's thought this one thru because this borders on some pretty treacherous slopes. I, for one, don't buy into the philosophy of "There's no such thing as bad publicity."

Thursday, November 29, 2007

9:30pm: I've had a chance to look at the results of the Hunter College poll mentioned earlier - the one that shows Hillary in the lead among LGB voters (details here).

One of the findings that perks my interest, but won't get the visibility it deserves because of the other data, reads as follows:

-- When asked about the proposed federal law making it illegal to discriminate against lesbians, gays, and bisexuals in employment, a majority of LGBs (by a margin of 60% to 37%) said that those seeking to pass the law were wrong to remove protections for transgender people in order to get the votes necessary for passage in Congress.

-- Asked what gay rights goals are “extremely important,” respondents said:

Enacting employment nondiscrimination laws: 59%
Protections from bias crimes: 59%
Securing spousal benefits: 58%
AIDS funding: 53%
Legalizing same-sex marriage: 50%
Rights of transgender people: 36%
Ending the military’s ban on being openly gay: 36%

The first finding is important because it refutes that dubious poll HRC released the night before the ENDA vote. Part of me wants to say something that rhymes with "Keys my axe". The fact of the matter is that no matter what happens now to discredit the way the original poll was managed or what other numbers come out at this point to refute it, the damage has been done. And, I can't even begin to over-estimate the damage.

Not for nothing, here's part of the analysis of that original HRC Survey as published in the Blade:

The survey’s results, circulated last month by HRC when many gays were locked in heated debate over the measure’s lack of transgender protections, show most people who responded support the bill as written.

But John Stahura, who specializes in survey research and directs the Purdue University Social Research Institute, said the survey’s methodology is problematic.

“They’re playing games,” he said after reviewing survey excerpts at the Blade’s request. “It doesn’t make sense.”

Read the article here

The second finding is important for a few reasons. First, Rights of Transgender People are identified as a "Gay Rights Goal". Interesting. Second, 1 in 3 GLB people who were asked identified it as being extremely important, the same number as for the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell and just a bit less than the number who identify same-sex marriage.

There's more here than simply the fact that the majority of people polled said they'll vote for Hillary....

5:30pm: My project is implementing, as we speak. Keep yer fingers crossed. It's a long process full of database migration, server work, security work, configuration changes, and will be ongoing all night. We'll know the outcome by noon tomorrow. I don't know if anyone cares except for my users, my project team, and me but I just felt like sharing that.

I've done a couple of interviews over the past couple of days that I have found to be cathartic which is really odd. I mean, I've done lots of interviews over the years and I tend to approach them in a guarded sort of way. These two, in particular, seemed to sense the emotional nature of what has happened with regard to my relationship with HRC in recent weeks and the discussions turned more into reflections on the rise and subsequent collapse of a deeply personal relationship than specifically on resignation or any other particular event.

In the first one the editor of Gay City News, Paul Schinder, noted that the tone of my writing about the organization seemed to change from my original resignation from the Board to through my Op/Ed piece on Advocate.com to our most recent divorce from the Business Council. He asked if there was anything in particular that made it angrier. I told him that there was. First and foremost was the last-minute policy change to actively support the non-inclusive version of ENDA. Worse, that poll that they contracted and released to support it was over the top unnecessary and sent a message that contradicts everything I had been working to build at the organization - a sense of community. I don't think anyone truly understands what those two things mean in a deeper sense, or at least how I feel them. Suddenly, the word "betrayal" has become part of my vernacular with relation to the organization and I can't think of any other words to use. Even more infuriating is the fact that Joe actively played the board by arguing that we couldn't actively oppose ENDA because we can't punish a lawmaker our our scorecard for voting for a pro-gay bill (which is what that would mean), but somehow could justify using it to beat lawmakers over the head who later voted AGAINST the non-inclusive ENDA for symbolic reasons. None of this washes. Anyway, the results of his interviews with both Jamison and I are up now (read it here).

I did another one today with with similar deeper "stuff". I hope the end-result reflects the input.

Autumn Sundeen has a post on Pam's House Blend highlighting that Hillary Clinton's most recent press release has left off the "T" (read it here). The headline reads "New Poll Shows Hillary Leading Among LGB Voters". I agree with her - very poor form. You know, o course, that Hillary doesn't write her own Press Releases. The person I'd expect to have caught this is Mark Walsh, Hillary's National Director of LGBT Outreach. If you'd like him to clarify, or to get it right next time, feel free to write to him (mwalsh@hillaryclinton.com). He's actually a good guy and HE'S probably the one who needs the education.....

11:30am: There are a bunch of things I should talk about this morning...

I got an update from NCTE saying that the Department of Homeland Security was dropping their new No-Match procedures.

DHS Drops New "No Match" Enforcement Procedures

The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has dropped its attempt at enforcing their new "No Match" enforcement procedures, issued in mid-August. The enforcement procedures encountered obstacles from the beginning with a lawsuit by labor and immigration groups blocking the rule's progress only a couple weeks after their issuance. During the rule's open-comment period, many organizations, including NCTE, filed comments opposing adoption of the rules, arguing that the procedures would unfairly jeopardize workers' jobs. To read NCTE's comments, click here.

The DHS rules would have required employers to either fire employees or face stiff penalties when employee records do not match information in the Social Security Administration (SSA) database, such as name, Social Security number, or gender. Transgender employees who are listed as one gender in SSA records, but who live and work in another gender, would have been one of the groups at greater risk of losing their jobs as a result of the DHS enforcement procedures.

This is a good thing. For those who don't know, one of the issues transgender people often face in the workplace is that the gender marker on their Social Security record may not match the gender marker on their Driver's License, or simply the gender with which they self identify. It can have far-reaching consequences. Anyway, if you want to read the entire explanation you can read about it here.

News reports started coming out earlier this week confirming something we've known or a while now. The Hate Crimes bill seems to be in jeopardy:

News surfaced last week that the hate crimes bill, which includes protections for gay and transgender persons, was in jeopardy because an undetermined number of Democrats who support it did not want to vote for a defense authorization measure to which it was attached in the Senate.

At least 20 gay-supportive Democrats were ready to vote against the National Defense Authorization Act because it includes provisions that support President Bush’s effort to continue the Iraq war, according to Capitol Hill sources.

Democrats may drop hate crimes from defense bill -Washington Blade, Nov. 22, 2007

HRC Issued an Action Alert about it titled, "Matthew Shepard Act in Serious Jeopardy".

Speaking of HRC, the Washington Blade is reporting that "experts" are questioning HRC's dubious "ENDA Survey" they released at the 11th hour and 59th minute before the vote to support their change of policy from "neutral" to actively support the non-inclusive ENDA (read it here). This is one of the things that galls me most - this survey- and I hate to sound bitter but I hope it gets exposed for what it is.

I've been getting email about efforts at various HRC sponsored events around the country over the next few weeks. Susan Stanton is apparently taking part in an HRC event in Chicago next weekend and I got an email from a group there that was not-so-thrilled about it. I expected that HRC would engage Susan sooner or later - she did a good job speaking during lunch at the last Board meeting. I think her heart is in the right place but my only advice to her - if she's listening - is to be careful. There's also a protest being planned in Hartford, CT during an HRC sponsored event at UConn (details here).

I want to put something out there. I'd like to make myself available or to help to find people who would be available to come to communities around the country to talk about things over these next few months. I'm going to see who else I can get to be involved in this - maybe Elizabeth? others who would be willing? - but I'm thinking it's time we find ways to have constructive discussions about education, to begin telling our stories, to share our concerns, and generally to "bond". As a community, we and our allies are hurting right now and at some point we need a big community hug. We need constructive ways to express how we're feeling. And, we need a consistent direction to promote positive change. I'm not in any way, shape, or form saying that I can provide those things. What I'm saying is that I'm willing to play my part if there are ways it can be arranged.

We need community "town halls". We need ways to collect our stories through video, and audio, and I'd bring those tools with me on my travels. We need organization. The people attending these things need to include both ourselves, our allies, and those who could be an ally given the proper information. In short, we need to be more of a "community" because that's what it will take to move this discussion forward. The change that will occur won't start or end in Washington. It will start in your town, where you work, with you and your family and friends. I don't necessarily need to be involved in making this happen in your community, but I'm willing to do what I can to help.

One thing I can do is to help develop tools. I talked with the folks at GLAAD yesterday about putting together a Transgender educational/training tool that people can use as they carry these messages out there. It will combine educational stuff, video of current popular-culture transgender characters and themes, and information on what messages resonate and which ones don't. GLAAD does media training for people who are going to be doing media work and I think it's important that we carry that a step further to provide the training, the tools, and the strategy for this "education" that people are talking about. Anyway, those discussions are moving forward and we're targeting to have something available early next year. Stay tuned.

As for my own involvement, there need to be some guidelines about what I can realistically do and what I can't. There are realities of travel and logistics that would need to be addressed. It would be nice to find ways to sponsor these kinds of things - corporate sponsors, organizations, universities, etc. And, of course, there's the reality that my schedule is already busy so this would need to necessarily work into that. I know it comes as a shock to some but I do have a job, and I do need to be good at what I do (because I can't afford to lose it), and I live paycheck to paycheck just like many of us do.

I remember my own initiation into all of this - at the very beginning of my transition - when then-prominent transwoman Dana Rivers came to Phoenix to talk and I went to watch. If nothing else, I wanted to make up my own mind on this "celebrity" transperson - she had been on 20/20, in People Magazine, and on Oprah - and to hear what she had to say. While she was here she talked about advocacy and doing your part and, although it was nice to meet her when I left at the end of the day I had no idea that she had planted seeds that would eventually take root and grow. I sometimes joke that if I ever meet her again I'm going to throttle her because I need someone to blame for all this (it's easier to blame someone else rather than ourselves) and she's a convenient target. But it's true - meeting her, seeing her, hearing her words - those were the things that started me down this path some call "activism", but others just call life.

Let me talk about incrementalism for a moment. There are different flavors of incrementalism. One flavor involves being strategic about incrementally adding or gaining additional scope in terms of rights. Another involves incrementally adding (or subtracting) people to be covered by the rights. What we've been talking about in terms of ENDA is the latter flavor, which necessarily involves fragmenting the community to achieve (some get rights, others don't). The former involves gaining a foothold of rights for ALL, and then working to increase the scope of those rights over time.

There is a City Council meeting right here in Scottsdale next week. At stake is adding 'gender identity' and 'sexual orientation' to the non-discrimination policy that covers employees of the city of Scottsdale. In short, it's a workplace protection for city employees and is in line with workplace protections being enacted at corporations and workplaces around the country. On a broader scale though, it will need to cover businesses who do work with the city and, indeed, everyone who lives or works in the city. The city has the power to apply these protections to itself. However, to apply it in a broader scale necessarily involves education (there's that word again) about what it means.

That said, I sent an email supporting the proposal and here's the email I got in return (from the mayor, no less)...

Subject: Nondiscrimination Ordinance

Thank you for taking the time to contact me and for sharing your thoughts on the Scottsdale City Council's upcoming vote on the non-discrimination ordinance.

Scottsdale has a rich tradition of being an inclusive, diverse and safe community where individuals are treated with respect and fairness. Discrimination, in any form or manner, is wrong and should not be tolerated.

The next step in our community dialogue will take place on Tuesday, December 4th where the Scottsdale City Council will consider expanding the non-discrimination section of the city's personnel ordinance to prohibit discrimination against city employees based on sexual orientation or gender identification.

The City's Human Relations Commission has also recommended that Scottsdale consider ordinances that would include similar non-discrimination requirements for city contractors and businesses within Scottsdale. While the City Council will have an opportunity to discuss these recommendations on December 4th, it's important to note that a great deal of public involvement within our business community will need to take place before such action would be considered by the City Council. As such, only the city's personnel ordinance will be considered for amendment on December 4th.

I have attached a link to our City's website so you can obtain a copy of the meeting agenda and review the proposed ordinance in its entirety.

Thank you, again, for contacting me on this very important issue

There seems to be a large contingent pushing this: HRC, Planned Parenthood, ACLU, Equality Arizona. Even Al Sharpton (read it here)....

Perhaps not coincidentally, I received an Alert from Equality Arizona this morning about another bias motivated crime in the city:

Dear Donna,

Another anti-gay attack has been reported in Scottsdale!

During the early morning hours of November 17^th, two gay men were reportedly targeted with anti-gay slurs as they walked to their car. According to a Scottsdale Police Incident Report, the alleged assailant was heard yelling “You cock sucking faggots, just keep walking,” before throwing a beer bottle at their car. The windshield of their vehicle was damaged.

Scottsdale Police responded right away and made an arrest that night, and thankfully, nobody was physically injured. By appropriately labeling this crime as a bias-motivated incident, the Scottsdale Police Department has demonstrated a sincere commitment to serve and protect everyone in Scottsdale, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. Equality Arizona applauds the Scottsdale Police Department’s efforts to ensure that everyone who works, visits or lives in Scottsdale is protected. Read the East Valley Tribune story about this latest crime.

This latest incident, the third reported anti-gay crime in Scottsdale in the past year, emphasizes the need for the Scottsdale City Council to enact ordinances to stop discrimination before it escalates into violence. Equality Arizona, in collaboration with the Scottsdale Human Relations Commission and several civil rights organizations, has called on the Scottsdale City Council to adopt a citywide ordinance that would prohibit discrimination in employment, housing, public accommodations and education. Read the Phoenix Business Journal article about the ordinance.

The Scottsdale City Council is scheduled to vote December 4^th on the first piece of the civil rights ordinance, which would expand the city’s equal employment opportunity policy to include sexual orientation and gender identity. The council will also discuss two other components, which would apply to city contractors and businesses within Scottsdale’s city limits.

The Scottsdale City Council needs to hear from you. If you live or work in the City of Scottsdale, or if you spend money in Scottsdale, please let the Scottsdale Mayor and City Council know that you expect them to support equality and oppose discrimination.

Please Take Action!

TAKE ACTION:

Attend the Scottsdale City Council Meeting
Tuesday, December 4^th – 5:00 p.m.
Please arrive by 4:30 p.m. to fill the auditorium and sign the petition
3939 N. Drinkwater Blvd, Scottsdale – City Hall Kiva Forum

Send a message to the Mayor and City Council Members
Take action online at http://eqfed.org/campaign/scottsdaleordinance to send a message before the meeting

Our success depends on your participation. We need as many people as possible to attend the December 4th meeting and to send messages to the Mayor and City Council.

If you live or work in Scottsdale please write. And, I'll see you at the City Council Meeting next Tuesday.

Lastly, I thought my 20-minutes on Mike Signorile's show yesterday afternoon went well and will try to get a copy of the audio and post it here.

That's more than enough for one morning. My project is scheduled to begin implementation later today so keep your fingers crossed. Mine are.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

11:30am: Is it Wednesday already? So much has happened in such a short time (again) if somehow doesn't feel like it's this far into the middle of the week. I felt like getting up this morning and going to look at my new Chamber Coil - it cost me a couple hundred dollars so I'd like to see what my money bought me. It only took a second to realize that a) I don't know where to look and b) even if I did know I probably wouldn't be able to pick it out among all the other engine "stuff". The good news, I suppose, is that the car is purring like a kitten which is a good thing for a car that has almost 90,000 miles on it.

I'm scheduled to be on Mike Signorile's Sirius OutQ radio show today. That should be interesting. I'll try to get a copy of the audio and post it here. It turns out that Mike and I graduated not only from the same university (Syracuse) but from the same school there (SI Newhouse School of Public Communication), and only a year apart. Small world.

I'm trying to concentrate on my project as much as possible - we're scheduled to go live again this weekend. We've got a Go/No-Go decision meeting this afternoon. So far, things are looking promising.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

9:00pm: It has been a long day. The good news is that I finished the last of the turkey tonight It's amazing how long one of those birds can last, or how many different ways you can dress it to make it seem like it's not the same thing you had the night before, and the night before that. I'm sitting here with a glass of wine, listening to the Best of Bread - chilling.

My car hasn't been running right for a little while - I couldn't pinpoint it but it just didn't feel right. It's probably not a good thing to admit that I have my own service agent who knows me on a first name basis so I made arrangements to bring it in so they could check it out. Well, I needed something called a coil - apparently one off them wasn't working. And, I got a new set of spark plugs. I told my man, Brian, that I had asked for something sparkly for Christmas but "spark plugs" wasn't what I had in mind. I suppose I'll need to be more descriptive next time. Anyway, the good news is that the car feels right again. The bad news was the cost. Ouch.

I was there for several hours, and had my computer plugged into the business center there so I could work. CNN was on a large TV nearby and I saw every news story for the day at least a dozen times. There's the guy in South Carolina who got his arm stuck in a farm machine and cut it off with a pocket knife. There's the tragedy about the Washington Redskin football player who was shot and killed in his home a couple of nights ago. And, there was a story about a group of cross-dressers who apparently got upset with someone at a McDonald's drive-in in Memphis and came into the restaurant swinging a tire iron and generally very unhappy. It did not receive nice treatment in the CNN report - I've never heard the words "drag queen" and transvestite used so many times in such a short span of time before. (details here).

On to deeper topics....

There's a good article on the San Francisco Day of Remembrance vigil from last week. It's Jamison Green's words from the event, interwoven with photographs and other multimedia "stuff" to provide an overall DOR experience (read it here). For those who couldn't attend a local even for some reason, or those who don't have one nearby, this is as close as you can get to the real thing. Experience it. Some of Jamison's words:

Anti-trans prejudice and violence cuts across class and racial lines, cuts through economic strata, cuts to the heart of the matter. Anti-trans violence is base and primitive. It’s about fear of difference, about disgust and shame. It’s about judgment, and it’s about power. It’s about someone else’s fear and shame and agitation in the face of something they don’t understand, but they feel powerful enough to condemn, and righteous enough to carry out the sentence.

There were human beings who embodied the names we’ll say tonight.

Human beings who did not deserve to die just because they were different. Human beings whose murderers often go un-apprehended and unpunished. We call this an enlightened society, a free society, with liberty and justice for all. Where is the liberty and justice for transgendered, transsexual, and intersexed people?

Are we to believe that we are less than human?

Are we to accept the ignorant judgment of others?

Are we to ignore the love we feel for ourselves, our families, our friends, our very lives and to take on the burden of other people’s shame?

Are we to be denied the capacity for love and human connection?

These were human beings who were killed. We come here to remember.

We want to live. We want to remember so that the pain and the tears and the screams and the shock and bewilderment of untimely and violent death will one day be unconscionable in human society.

We want to live.

We want all our sisters and brothers and children to thrive, to fulfill themselves, to age gracefully. We want our elders to pass peacefully from this life, knowing they made a difference and were loved. We want to live. Please keep those we remember tonight alive in your hearts to bring peace to their souls, to bring peace to this world.

- Jamison Green

Speaking of Jamison, some may realize that he and I have been the only two transgender members of the HRC Business Council since we both were asked to join in 2002 to increase the diversity of the group. Since that time, there's nary a piece of transgender workplace effort with an HRC stamp on it that doesn't involve either one or both of us. The Business Council is a collection of GLBT (and ally) professionals from corporate America acting as a steering committee for HRC workplace efforts. Since HRC has been primarily in a defensive posture legislatively for most of these past few years I think it's safe to say that some of HRC's most significant achievements have come through the Workplace Project. In fact, I'd go a step further and say with confidence that ENDA wouldn't be ripe for discussion in Congress if it were not for our efforts over these past several years to help corporate America realize that these protections are necessary, and are good for business.

Shortly after I was asked to be on the Board of Directors, Workplace Project Director Daryl Herrschaft asked me if I still planned to stay on the Business Council. I was a little taken aback by his question, and told him that if I could only be on one or the other I'd choose to be on the Business Council because that's the place where we actually get things done. The Business Council was my doorway to the organization and I sometimes joke with Daryl that this entire mess is his fault - he's the one who got me involved. Anyway, it's a great group of people.

Jamison and I submitted our resignation from the Business Council today (read it here). We struggled with this for quite a while, but in the end we knew what we needed to do and we did it. I don't feel that it's necessary to rehash everything we've done and felt over these past few weeks to reconcile today's announcement, but suffice it to say that the fact we didn't get a response at all from Joe Solmonese to our request to meet with him personally indicated to us that our time there was up. It was that simple. And frankly, that's a shame as it leaves a number of critical initiatives that directly affect the transgender community in workplaces around this country without any transgender champions. Not being included in a symbolic piece of legislation like ENDA that most don't give a prayer of passing under the current administration is one thing. But to lose people who have given their heart, their trust, and their efforts to achieve real results that affect real people is a huge blow. The work we were doing on the Business Council was not symbolic. It was real, and the saddest part of it all is that the people most affected by not having us there to continue this work is the transgender community. Our goal is to be able to continue this work in other capacities and I'm hopeful that we'll be able to do that.

I'll need to document everything I know and everything that has happened someday soon - before I start to forget it. The things that have happened with me over the past couple of months - from the high of arranging for Joe and other national GLBT leaders to speak at SCC to the low of today, an everything in between. I could never in my wildest dreams have imagined things could fall so far so fast.

One thing I'll share that I don't think anyone else knows yet. The day of our HRC Board Call to make a policy decision on ENDA (10/1) we held a Business Council call that afternoon to discuss the situation amongst ourselves as corporate leaders and to make an uninvited recommendation to the Sr. Staff and Board about the decision we were going to be asked to make. I have always found the fact that HRC leadership kept Daryl and the Workplace Project totally out of the loop throughout the entire ENDA debacle to be troubling. As I've said before, those are the people who should have been most engaged. In any event, although we hadn't been asked to provide an opinion (something else I find odd) we felt that it was important to meet as a group and to have one. So, we met in the later part of the afternoon, we talked, and we forwarded our recommendation to Joe, David Smith, and to others. Thinking back on it, I doubt the board ever saw it.

I have that email that outlines our recommendation and some of the potential issues of taking a more tepid stance, but don't feel it appropriate to share the specifics here. Let's just say that the fact that the Business Council supported a more assertive stance was one of the reasons I felt it was appropriate to continue engagement there. Until today.

Anyway, the news of our resignations was picked up by the Associated Press so it seems to be all over the place. Go figure.

The website Queerty seem to think up innovative headlines for things. They've titled a story about our resignations, "HRC Has No Trans Business" (read it here). Cute.

I think the coverage that really gets closest to the heart of things was done by Marc Gunther. Marc wrote an article for Fortune.com titled "Trans-Forming Corporate America" back in August - not all that long ago - based on the data released in the most recent HRC State of the Workplace report (read it here). I thought he did a great job with the article - in a mainstream publication no less - and I had an opportunity to thank him in person when I met him at an Out and Equal Workplace Summit session a few weeks later. I sent him a copy of our resignation statement this afternoon and he subsequently made a blog entry about it: "Civil Rights, but not for all" (read it here). It's so refreshing to have an opportunity to interact with people who just "get it".

As of this afternoon there's nothing left for me to resign from at HRC. What once were deep connections are now gone. I'm back where I started - not even a $35 member at this point. I still consider many of the people who work there as dear friends and I'm still committed to the work we've all started. It's just that we'll need to do it differently in the future. I sometimes joke that I feel like a poster-child for change. If I needed to think of my own headline for all that has happened recently it would be simple, direct, and to the point: Change Happens.

I have gone out of my way to avoid jumping on the bandwagon of HRC-haters that is beating its drums. I feel many emotions right now, but hate isn't one of them. I recently got some artwork that is a variation of the HRC logo that I think is unique, original, and even amusing, but I won't share it here because I don't want to get more involved in things I perceive as negative and non-productive. It's done. Onwards.

Monday, November 26, 2007

4:00pm: My son called and mentioned that one of his friends stopped by over the weekend and brought some left-over "turducken" (Wikipedia definition here) for him. He says it tasted ok, and he asked me if I have ever tried any. I told him I didn't want to sound square or old-fashioned but I'm very hesitant to eat food that starts with the word "turd". So, no, I've never tried it.

Have you ever Google'd the word transgender? I tried it on a lark and really wasn't surprised at what I found. There are almost 8 million hits for the word! Wow. On the right side of the page are a number of "Sponsored Links". One is for "She-male and Tranny sites". Another is for "Bisexual Threesomes". A little farther down there's a link to "Shemale Live Cams". Oy. I Google'd the word transsexual and actually was surprised to see that here aren't any Sponsored Links there. I expected similar unfortunate pandering.

Words. It's interesting to see how the mind processes them when it reads them - often based on life experience. For example, I often run into the word "Exchange" in my profesional world (MS-Exchange). Somehow, my mind always reads it with an "S" at the beginning so I have to do a double-take to realize that it's not what I thought I read the first time around. The brain works in mysterious ways.

Someone recently sent me something I find fascinating.

The animated image below is labeled as a "Right Brain / Left Brain test". Different people can watch it at the same time and the woman will appear to be spinning in different directions. I had four people from work looking over my shoulder at this and two disagreed on what direction she was turning, and the other two indicated that she kept switching directions. I'll admit that when I look at it, without concentrating too much, she's almost always turning clockwise.

The Right Brain vs Left Brain test ... do you see the dancer turning clockwise or anti-clockwise?

If clockwise, then you use more of the right side of the brain and vice versa.

Most of us would see the dancer turning anti-clockwise though you can try to focus and change the direction; see if you can do it.

LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS

uses logic
detail oriented
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
knowing
acknowledges
order/pattern perception
knows object name
reality based
forms strategies
practical
safe

RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS

uses feeling
"big picture" oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future
philosophy & religion
can "get it" (i.e. meaning)
believes
appreciates
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking

I've seen websites dedicated to hacking this but, whether you believe the right brain/left brain thing or the various traits it describes it's still fascinating if only as an optical illusion.

Have fun!

10:00am: Mom just left. Her friend, who spent the Holiday with family near here, stopped by, they loaded up, and they're on their way back to Texas.

The end-of-visit good-bye's are particularly bittersweet these days. As I've shared in the past, I can't help but face the possibility that every good-bye is the last one. I'm not a worrier, and I don't think that's the worrier in me talking. It's the realist. Mom is getting more and more frail - she joked that she has shrunk 2 inches in recent years - and I think the general effort to live in her house sometimes gets overwhelming for her. When I visited last month she wanted to get her name on a list to potentially get into an assisted living facility near her house. The list is apparently a year or more long so I suppose the good news is that she's thinking that far in advance. Anyway, it was sad to see her drive away.

We had a wonderful visit. Mom helped me to decide which pieces of art go best where and helped me to hang them. We bought a few simple household items that she thought would be nice here and she was thrilled with the results. We spent an afternoon at Arizona Mills, the local (huge) outlet mall. Jordin Sparks, winner of the last American Idol competition who lives here in the Valley, was doing a meet-and-greet to support her new CD at the Virgin Megastore there (see photos here) so as if the crowds weren't crazy enough there was a huge line of people waiting to say 'hi' to her. The good news is that neither of us spent much money so we escaped relatively lightly. The bad news, of course, is that neither of us had much money to blow there.

One thing I've found myself doing more lately is taking notice of women I see here or there throughout the day. It usually happens every once in a while that I'll see someone who perks my interest for some unknown reason. It has been happening more and more lately - like, two or three times a day. It happened on Saturday at the Deli counter in the supermarket. And a little later, someone I passed in the mall. It's not creepy or anything - I assure you - other than one of those interesting examples about the phenomena of attraction. The sad part, of course, is that there's not even an opportunity to start a conversation. Sigh. I'll have to write more about this stuff at some point....

Mom and I had a busy visit. We went to the Zoo Lights display at the Phoenix Zoo on Friday evening. We did our fair share of Shopping even if only to get out and do some walking. Too much eating (did the two of us really finish off that entire Apple pie?). She watched HGTV and the Weather Channel during the quiet times. She only likes two movies, one of which was on last night so we watched it together (Sister Act). We touched base with my sister and brother. We explored. I can't imagine it being a nicer weekend.

Now it's back to the real world. She's gone, and I'm working. My project is scheduled to implement (re-scheduled from a couple of weeks ago) this weekend and it's critical that we do it this time. Things are looking good. I expect to share some significant news in the next few days so I'm getting ready for that. I need to get back on my exercise regimen - the Holidays are generally not kind to me in that regard. I need to catch up on my backlog of email. And I've got a list of loose-ends that need to be tied off. All in all, I expect it to be a busy week.

Speaking of exercise, I went for a good long run on Saturday afternoon. It was my first outdoor run since moving here. Chandler, AZ is south of Scottsdale and Southeast of Phoenix itself although you'd be hard pressed to see any gap between the cities that make up the greater Phoenix metropolitan area. Here in the east valley you've got Paradise Valley, Scottsdale, Tempe, Mesa, Gilbert, Chandler all large cities in and of themselves and very much clumped together seamlessly. Two of these cities (Chandler and Gilbert) were on the CNN Money list of the Top 10 Fastest Growing US Suburbs for 2006 (see the list here). It's funny, too, as on my running route I run down a major street, 4 lanes plus a turn lane in the middle, and on one side is a brand new community surrounded by a wall and on the other are houses with chickens and roosters running around in the front yard. As I turned the corner there's a brand new shopping center on one corner and a big flat field filled with a hundred or more grazing sheep on the other. Anyway, it struck me as funny.

Speaking of funny, the people who do the Geico ads are really amazing. Besides the cavemen and the lizard they've got a series of commercials where a "regular" Geico customer is paired with a "celebrity" to pitch their insurance. There's one with Little Richard, Verne Troyer, and another recent one with Peter Frampton. One I particularly like is with a guy who does sound effects:

It feels good to smile. And, speaking of smiling, my mom saw something while we were shopping that made her smile so she decided I needed it as a house-warming gift. I share it here without comment. They're made of blown glass, and the larger one is about the size (and weight) of a bowling ball. Somehow, it makes me smile, too. Ya gotta love moms...

Friday, November 23, 2007

5:00pm: It's almost time for left-over turkey for dinner and I'm still full from yesterday. I got to a point last night when I felt as though my rib cage would split open from everything I had eaten and that would be that. Game over. Wow. I won't have to eat again for a week.

Yesterday was nearly the perfect Thanksgiving. It was sunny and warm so I spent some time outside while things were cooking to wash my car. It was still covered with bugs and various other road-muck from my drive across country a couple of weeks ago and was crying for a good washing. I was happy to oblige. Mom and I went for a little drive to explore the area. My son came over for dinner. A friend recovering from some surgery with Dr. Meltzer stopped by. All the food was ready at nearly the same time and was delicious. My son helped me move a large piece of furniture that I've been needing moved. Football. Parades. The thick Thanksgiving Day newspaper with all the day-after-Thanksgiving door-buster ads. All in all - a wonderful day.

Today is "Black Friday". It's the official beginning of the Holiday shopping season when retailers pull out all the stop to lure shoppers into their stores. I was shocked to see a line already forming outside Circuit City at 2pm yesterday - the people at the front of the line were building a tent and blowing up air mattresses. I must admit that I looked over the Door Buster stuff from their flyer when I got home and I didn't see anything on there worth spending 18 hours waiting in line to buy. Oh well. Anyway, people get crazy over this stuff.

This was the first time in recent years I didn't get up early and wade out there with the other crazies. I enjoy it more for the people-experience than for the purchases. Last year Elizabeth and I did it together - it's more fun to have someone to go shopping with. But this year I don't have the cash to put out, my needs are relatively few, my son only wants cash, so I decided to sleep in rather than subject myself to that. I didn't leave the house until a little before 8am and despite the fact that I stopped by Best Buy, Circuit City and Costco all during their "Early Bird Specials" the only thing I ended up with was my free Costco Holiday Cookbook. One of the door-busters at Costco was a 50" flat-panel TV for $999 and people were grabbing them as fast as they could stock them. One of my funniest visions from the day was this young guy with a baseball hat on sideways and his small Kia pulled in front of the Costco with one of these large TV's on a cart behind it. The doors were open and the trunk was up, but really - the TV was almost as long as the entire car. I have no idea how he thought he was going to get it home. Too funny - where's a camera when you need one?!

Mom and I did a little shopping this afternoon and had a blast. Now she's glued to the TV watching "The Dog Whisperer" on the National Geographic channel. She's never seen it before and mentioned she'd like to watch. It just so happens it's a Dog Whisperer marathon today so she can watch it pretty much until midnight if she wants. I can tell she likes it, and she just might.

On the trans front there was good news out of Michigan earlier this week:

Michigan Governor Signs Transgender Antidiscrimination Law

Michigan governor Jennifer Granholm has signed an executive order banning discrimination in state employment based on gender identity or expression, according to Michigan LGBT rights group Triangle Foundation. The legislation applies to the approximately 50,000 state employees in Michigan's executive branch, which makes up 95% of all state employees. The order will protect not only transgender workers but also any state employee who faces discrimination because he or she does not conform to traditional gender norms in behavior or appearance.

Triangle Foundation director of policy Sean Kosofsky said the move sends the message that discrimination is not tolerated in the state.

"We can only hope that our national leaders, who are currently debating whether or not to protect transgender workers in federal law, will share our governor's vision," Kosofsky said in the Triangle Foundation press release.

Read the article - Advocate.com - November 22, 2007

This is how to crack this nut. Local efforts. Congratulations to all involved, and the the leadership of governor Granholm.

Trans-activist Gwen Smith has an Op/Ed in today's Washington Blade titled "Nothing to be Thankful For" (read it here). It's good reading.

Speaking of reading, trans columnist Jacob Anderson-Minshall contacted me shortly after ENDA started to pop to do an interview. After brief delay we finally connected and had a chance to chat. I didn't realize it was his 100th column milestone (read about him here) and wish him thanks and congratulations! Anyway, for those who are interested his article is here (read it).

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

5:30pm: Today has been an interesting day. I spent a good part of the afternoon going through boxes and big plastic containers in my garage. I haven't been through most of it since I packed it to leave Austin in late Sept. 2004 so it was almost like the stuff in there was "new" again. You might think that if you haven't missed something in over 3 years you probably didn't really need it in the first place but that word, need, is a funny word. Sometimes you need things to remind you of what you need.

For example, I went through a box of my dad's old stuff. My sister has most of it, but I was the executor of his will after he died so I've got folders full of stuff and various other things. To my surprise, I found that I have his birth certificate. I have his wallet with his driver's license, his social security card, and all his other "things" in it almost as though he forgot it here during his last visit and needs me to bring it to him so he doesn't worry too much about not having it. I found his ashes, and realized that I haven't taken a trip to bring them anywhere to sprinkle in a couple of years and I need to do that.

In the middle of it all my son called to say that he'll be over for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. He wasn't sure if he could make it but called to say he'll be here. I told him I was hoping that would be the case and bought extra turkey just to be sure to have enough.

All in all, it was more than simply unpacking boxes. It was revisiting the past. It made me both happy and sad. The final piece of this puzzle is my mom who should be here any time now. I've been expecting her for the last couple of hours and I suppose she'll get here when she gets here. Her bedroom is all ready.

The day after Thanksgiving is the busy shopping day and I'll be out there with the rest of the crazies. My own reality right now is that I'm low on "discretionary funds" right now so there's only so much I can do. I have learned to live within my means over recent years so I'm comfortable with that.

I spoke with Elizabeth earlier this week who asked if I would be spending Christmas with her and her family this year. I told her I didn't think so - that I would probably arrange to go spend the holiday someplace quiet and beautiful. She wasn't happy about that. I find that ever since my dad passed - the week between Christmas and New Year 1998 - the Holidays have taken on a different tone for me. I don't have memories of Christmases growing up as a child - my only Christmas memories are with my wife and son - so it's not as though I have a lifetime of holiday memories to deal with or to torment me. And although I appreciate the "family" aspect of the Season for so many I celebrate that aspect on Thanksgiving. I find myself becoming more introspective at the end of the year and I have no problem whatsoever taking the time to get away, appreciate life, and re-connect with myself.

We'll see how it all unfolds. In the meantime I'll be happy to see mom when she shows up at my door. I'll help her get settled. I'll make dinner, and I expect she'll want to do a bit of a shopping. She'll want to give input on how to decorate the house and I'll accept it gladly. We'll cook together tomorrow - watching parades and football. My son will be over, and I've invited another friend by, and we'll all eat entirely too much. It may not sound like much, but these are the times I'll remember going forward. For me, these are holiday memories to be cherished because a time will come when any number of the special parts of this puzzle will be missing.

I looked back at my journal entry for 11/21/1999. It was about 6 weeks after I started to transition and apparently I spent the week before that in Dallas (sound familiar). This trip was the first time I went back to Rochester as Donna:

11/21/99 ===================================================================

I'm in Rochester at my sister's house. So much is happening...it's really odd....

The flight up yesterday was ok. I got back from Dallas, and by the time I had my nails done, had 6 hrs. of electrolysis, got something to eat, stopped by work, and gone home, it was after 1. I decided I needed at least a couple of hours of sleep to even function at all, which I did, and that was just enough to keep me going.

I spent most of today with my old neighbors...the Topolskis. We went to church together and I cried like a baby.....We spent the day talking and it was just wonderful.

I feel like I've gained 20 lbs. After church we went back to their house and they made a full breakfast....omelettes and hash browns and all the fixin's....I went over to my brother's place to watch the Bills game (most disappointing), and they made tacos and stuff at halftime. All in all, I probably haven't eaten a terribly lot...it just feels as though I have.

Tomorrow I'm meeting many people as Donna for the first time. I meet with the guy whose wedding I am video taping on Friday at 9. I'm having lunch with my brother's boss, and I'm going to some other friend's house for dinner. It should be interesting....

It all seems like a lifetime ago....

9:00am: It's the day before Thanksgiving and it feels more like spring than late fall. Weather here is sunny for the foreseeable future with temps plunging through the 80's down into the high 60's for the long Holiday weekend. Somehow, I can't complain about any of that.

There are a couple of things to share this morning before I get to unpacking/straightening/cleaning in preparation for mom's arrival later today.

First, there is a maddening situation brewing in Georgia with openly transgender City Council member Michelle Bruce.

Ga. trans politician accused of gender fraud
Lawsuit claims Michelle Bruce lied by identifying as female

One of the few openly transgender elected officials in the U.S. faces a lawsuit from opponents who allege she deceived the public by identifying as female.

Two losing candidates in the Nov. 6 city council election in Riverdale, Ga., filed a lawsuit last week in Clayton County Superior Court against incumbent City Councilmember Michelle Bruce, accusing her of fraud for identifying as female.The lawsuit also alleges election fraud and seeks to stop a Dec. 4 runoff election between Bruce and the second-place finisher for her post.

Read the article - Washington Blade - Nov. 20, 2007

If there were ever a stinky can of sore losers this is it. Michelle is exactly right by saying that her opponents could not attack her on the issues so they attacked her personally. I hope the proceedings there unmask these bigots for the narrow-minded losers that they are, and condemns their hateful attacks as inappropriate and unacceptable.

Second, I wanted to revisit my talk at mom's church on Sunday for a minute. My mom goes to a Unitarian Church and they have become like a second family to her. It helps me to rest easier knowing that she's got people who care about her checking on her and ready to help if she needs it. Anyway, the timing of my talk (which we arranged a couple of months ago) was particularly appropriate as there's a large article in the UUWorld Magazine this month titled: Congregations Welcome Transgender People (read it here). I have several friends who are members of the UU Church so they're not really saying anything I didn't already know. But it's nice to see it out there so publicly. These kinds of things provide ongoing opportunities to talk about it in mainstream forums.

If you live in a city with a UU church and aren't sure whether they've got any transpeople as part of their congregation, and you want some experience talking to a group, you might want to print this article and contact them. It might provide an opportunity for you to be able to talk at one of their services, making us human rather than simply people others write about. If you belong to some other community of faith perhaps this will provide an opportunity to begin a discussion. These kinds of things open doors - all any of us need to do is to take the first step and to open them.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

2:30pm: As I mentioned this morning, today is TDoR (Transgender Day of Remembrance). I've gotten a couple of things to share. The first is the statement from NCTE:

Honoring the Day of Remembrance

Today, transgender communities across the country gather to commemorate those who have lost their lives to hate-motivated violence and neglect. The Day of Remembrance gives us the opportunity to express our grief at the lives we've lost, thinking about the transgender people whose lives were cut short and whose gifts our world will never know. It is a time to mourn the deadly impact of prejudice and intolerance.

In their report released yesterday, the FBI cited a 7% increase in hate crime violence over the past year, with the majority of victims being targeted because of their race. No one should be targeted for violence because of who they are, for their race, religion, sexual orientation or gender identity. We must take a stand against this deplorable rise in attacks and stand in solidarity with all of the communities impacted.

The Day of Remembrance provides us with the chance to recommit ourselves to creating a world in which violence against transgender people--and all others--is unacceptable, illegal and known to be immoral. It is a poignant reminder of the preciousness of transgender lives and our need to advocate for the wellbeing of all transgender people. In the immortal words of the labor activist Mother Jones, "honor the dead and fight like hell for the living."

This year, we have seen the U.S. Congress for the first time pass transgender inclusive legislation at the federal level, in the form of the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act. We've seen members of Congress grappling with issues of gender identity in ways that they never have before as they struggled with whether to consider a transgender-inclusive Employment Non-Discrimination. Even though they passed a sexual orientation only ENDA, they are more aware of gender-identity issues than ever before in our history. All of this work is in preparation for 2009, so we can pass these bills and have them signed into law by a President who shares our commitment to equal rights for all Americans, including lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.

We are at a crucial point in our organizing and advocacy on behalf of the transgender community. We need to continue the work of educating our representatives in Washington about the need for transgender-inclusive legislation to prevent hate crimes, to ban discrimination and to send a message that the United States of America should never tolerate prejudice. Over the next year, we'll be asking you to sign petitions, call your legislators and join us here in Washington to help educate Congress about the need for transgender-inclusive legislation.

We encourage you to commit yourself again tonight to helping to ensure legal rights for transgender people and join with us in the movement for transgender equality. Working together, we can outlaw hate-motivated violence, employment discrimination, and much, much more. In memory of the dead, in honor of the living ... thank you.

We also want to extend our thanks to Gwendolyn Ann Smith, who has worked for so many years to raise awareness about this issue through the Remembering Our Dead website. For more information about the Day of Remembrance, please visit their site.

The other is a video. At many TDoR vigils it is customary to read first-person accounts of the deaths of those we are mourning for that year. Someone forwarded me this video which is simple, sobering, and sad.

Chicago held it's vigil on Sunday evening. There are photos of the event (see them here) and an article about it in Windy City Times.

The DOR event there capped a full week of Transgender awareness events that included a meeting with local HRC folks (article about it here). I had originally been invited to participate but recent events changed that. John Barry, who this article mentions, is on the Board of Directors and is a friend, but must necessarily shoulder some of the accountability for the fact that things unfolded as they did. That's part of what being on a board entails, and is part of the reason I couldn't stay. Bob Berry, on the other hand, is one of the local Chicago HRC folks, is a sweetheart of a guy, is trying to be a good foot soldier, and I'm sad to see the hard work he has put in to build bridges fall apart like this. But the local people are the ones who will bear the brunt of it.

HRC Chicago’s John Barry said he feels the organization’s long-term goal is an inclusive ENDA. “I do think HRC wants to pass a trans-inclusive ENDA,” Barry said. He received negative feedback when he suggested the national organization backed the trans-less ENDA as part of a “tactical decision.”

Many feel deceived by HRC, and wondered what happened behind the scenes. “I wish I knew what happened in those meetings,” Smith said in response to questions regarding how informed HRC Chicago is. “We were just as surprised as you are. We don’t know, and we’re getting the same mixed messages you are.”

Chicago HRC representatives told the crowd that they have been kept in the dark. Robert Berry said the local steering committee had “no idea” HRC would support the trans-less bill until it was said and done.

However, McCurdy said that HRC National is “well aware” of their personal stances. Many HRC Chicago representatives voiced their disdain for the national organization’s actions. Berry added that state HRC representatives are having similar town hall meetings all across the country to start a dialogue, and that notes taken from the meeting will be delivered to HRC National.

CGS’ [Chicago Gender Society] Carol Rodgers suggested that since HRC Chicago appears to be powerless, the trans community should cease supporting it. Rodgers proposed that those in the room sever all ties with HRC until it changes its stance. The room filled with wild applause, with nearly everyone standing up in support of her suggestion.

I agree with Carol Rodgers. I just can't rationalize engaging with them until there is an apology from the top. Unless something unexpected happens, expect to see a joint statement from myself and Jamison Green very shortly. I'll leave it at that for now...

In a blog entry dated today at Straight, Not Narrow titled "Anger Still Festering Against HRC" the author closes by saying: "Someone is going to need to reach across to the other side and begin some healing, and the sooner that happens the better. There is much more to lose by working separately than there is to gain by doing so." I agree. The thing we probably don't agree on, though is who that Someone should be. I think it needs to be Joe.

7:30am: In light of recent events with ENDA there may be those who have lost faith in advocacy organizations in general. I can understand why people would feel that way initially, but it's important to realize that there are still very important - I'd go so far as to say critically important - advocacy assistance efforts that are specifically doing outreach to the transgender community.

One of these groups is the Point Foundation. The Point Foundation gives scholarships to GLBT students. That's pretty much all they do.

Actually, it's a little more complicated than that due to the fact that there's only so much money to go around and there are so many amazingly deserving students who need it. They awarded $1.1 million in scholarships to 35 amazing people in the 2007-2008 school year (an avg. of $13,600 per student). If you really want to read about courage go to the webpage listing this year's group of scholars (see it here), click on the photos, and read the stories. I went to an event in Los Angeles last year and one young woman talked about how she came out to her parents as lesbian, was kicked out of the house at 15 years old, got a place to live, got a job, and survived her way through high school always dreaming that she'd be able to go to college. I'm telling you - it gives you goosebumps to hear these kids.

The Point Foundation has been featured on Oprah, in the New York Times, and in newspapers around the country. As a result, they get far more applications for aid than they can fill so the process of selecting the scholars is a difficult one. But it all starts with an application, and the application window for the 2008-2009 school year starts in January 2008 and runs through March. Joanne Herman is a dear friend and as a member of their National Board of Regents is having a huge impact there.

The Point Foundation is making a specific effort to reach transgender and gender-variant students, and sent me the following statement to share:

Point Foundation
www.pointfoundation.org

Submitted by Kelli Bailey, Scholar and Alumni Program Director
kelli@pointfoundation.org

and Joanne Herman, member of Point’s National Board of Regents

“With Point Foundation, the “T” in LGBT is not just an afterthought. They really mean it,” states Point Scholar Ben Singer. Point Foundation (Point) is the nation’s largest LGBT scholarship organization. Point provides financial support, mentorship, and hope to meritorious students who have been marginalized due to sexual orientation, gender expression, or gender identity. Point is currently supporting 84 undergraduate and graduate college students with an average scholarship amount of $13,600 annually. Of its 84 current scholars 10% identify as transgender (7 FtM, 1 MtF). Additionally, Point’s Alumni Association is comprised of 26 alumni, 3 of which are members of the Transgender community (3 FtM). While Point Foundation is pleased to support this many Transgender scholars, it is not enough. “The applicant pool in 2007 consisted of only 4% Transgender identified candidates. We need to get the word out that this support is available,” urges Joanne Herman, member of Point’s National Board of Regents. Please visit our website at www.pointfoundation.org for more information and help us spread the word.

Spread the word to people you know so that when the application window opens we have transgender students applying. These students are our future.

Today is the National Transgender Day of Remembrance. I received the following statement from the Stonewall Democrats to commemorate the day:

Stonewall Democrats Statement on Transgender Day of Remembrance

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

WASHINGTON, DC Today, the National Stonewall Democrats released the following statement in commemoration of the Transgender Day of Remembrance:

Today, our community remembers the those among us whose lives were lost because of the bigotry shown towards their expression of gender. Transgender Americans are routinely asked to employ a level of courage which few of us maintain. Where ignorance responds to that courage with a display of violence, our community must reward courage with a demonstration of commitment.

Violence towards transgender Americans can be dramatically reduced by affirming individual dignity through equal enforcement of employment and hate crime laws. If we are serious about reducing violence towards transgender Americans, then we must proactively work towards providing all of our community equal protection under the law. It is our actions, rather than words, which which will demonstrate our tribute.

Stonewall Democrats take our own name from an historic catalyst, the Stonewall Inn riots, an event largely created under the leadership of transgender members of our community. Today, transgender Democrats continue to demonstrate their contribution to LGBT advancement within our organization as chapter presidents, board members and officers of individual state Democratic parties.

Whenever transgender citizens are told that their inclusion hinders the advancement of the LGBT movement, our own history is ignored and strategic lessons forgotten. As we remember the lives of those we have lost, we must work to secure equal protections for our entire movement. We owe a special duty towards those whose contributions have already led to legal protections for many in our community but not for themselves. If we are to reduce violence against transgender citizens, we must reduce attempts to marginalize transgender Americans within the law and, when necessary, within our own community.

Jon Hoadley, Executive Director

The Day of Remembrance is a tribute to the lives of transgender Americans who have lost their lives as victims of hate crimes targetting individuals based on gender identity. It is marked on November 20. Begun in 1998, the day was first organized as a vigil in San Francisco to remember the life of Rita Hester following her murder the year before. Today, the LGBT community marks this day with vigils and events across the country.

Monday, November 19, 2007

10:00pm: There are some very exciting things are just over the horizon. I can't really share details yet except to say that I haven't been this energized about doing something for quite a while. There's something that really makes you feel alive to be bursting with enthusiasm about something, and some of the pieces falling into place are making me feel like that. More to come.

I had a job interview today. Actually, it wasn't a job job - it was for another contract position. I've explained in the past that I enjoy doing shorter term projects as they allow me the flexibility to do the other things that make up my unique life-balance, so we'll see what happens. For those who might be interested in similar opportunities the website I typically use to find these things is dice.com. If you've got any sort of a technical background and are looking for opportunities that's a good place to start. I've gotten jobs through there and I haven't even had to interview in person - it was all done over the phone. Anyway, there are ways to limit your search to a specific city or region so if you've got a little time check it out.

Speaking of checking it out, they video-taped my interview at the Dallas Voice last week and put a small snippet of it into a weekend report on their website You can watch it here if you want - it starts about 50 seconds into it. I have asked them to forward me the entire interview and I'm hopeful they'll do that. More to come on that, too.

Mom is driving here from Dallas with a friend (and her friend's dog) and is scheduled to get here sometime Wednesday evening. If you add the ages of these two women together they probably total 150 and I joked with my mom that I picture some kind of senior citizen Thelma and Louise thing. Of course, she's never seen Thelma and Louise so she had no idea what I was talking about. I thought it was funny, tho.

Mom and I seem to spend every other Thanksgiving together and she's pretty excited about coming here and seeing my now place. She gets all kinds of ideas on decorating that she learns as an HGTV junkie so it'll be interesting to see what she comes up with. I went shopping for our Thanksgiving meal today which was an experience. I'm already getting ready to eat myself into a stupor. It was 85 degrees and sunny here today - it so doesn't feel like Thanksgiving.

Last year I spent Thanksgiving in Charleston with Elizabeth. It still makes me chuckle to admit that I spent the night before Thanksgiving de-veining collard greens so she could cook them up with pork fat. Who even knew that collards had veins in the first place? Or, that people ate them for Thanksgiving? Anyway, there are no collards on the menu this year.

Speaking of turkey, someone forwarded me a blurb that former Washington Blade editor Chris Crain put on his website last Friday. Chris has had some choice things to say over the years about his belief that ENDA was being "Transjacked" and a few other choice things. He was the victim of a hate crime while visiting Europe several years ago and I'll never forget the photograph of his beaten face. I'll always be able to cut him some slack because of that and I wrote to tell him that, despite the fact we may disagree on political things he was in my thoughts and prayers as he healed. I respect him.

Anyway, the man is certainly not shy and although I find we often disagree I'm a little concerned to admit that I've been agreeing with him more lately than in the past. And although his comments feel suspiciously like a backhanded compliment I can't help but smile:

EDITOR'S PICK

Trans activist showdown set for Dallas HRC dinner: QUICK LOOK: It’s beginning to sound like Dallas’ 2007 Black Tie Dinner could turn into a food fight. At the very least, there will be some big issues on the table at the annual... (MORE)

It's hard to decide who is more deserving of this public spat, the transgender activists foiled at the last minute from completely hijacking historic gay rights legislation, or "the nation's largest LGBT group," which tried until the last minute to play all sides of the controversy and ended up (further) eroding its credibility with everyone.

Personally, I've got my money Donna Rose over Joe Solmonese. In my run-ins with the two, she packs the much bigger wallop.

from Citizen Crain - November 15, 2007

Sunday, November 18, 2007

5:30pm: I'm sitting at the DFW airport waiting on my flight back to Phoenix. I got here with a couple of hours to spare, because I wanted to give extra time to go through security as much s because my mom doesn't like to drive at night so I needed to be sure she got home before dark. I've been gone a week, but it seems like more.

Someone from the Frito Lay event last Wednesday took photos and posted them online (see them here). These things are so important. I was approached by at least a dozen people last night who had either attended or who had heard feedback. And I received several emails similar to this one:

I work at Frito-Lay and attended the workshop last week. Your story has been on my mind quite a bit since then, and I want to thank you for allowing me the opportunity to be educated on transgender issues. As a lesbian, I'm embarrassed at just how little I know about the trans community; however, after hearing you speak, I'm encouraged to learn more. I am disappointed about the way ENDA went down, but am heartened that you still came to share your story at our event last week. What you are doing is very important, and I thank you for sharing your time and energy.

We need to persevere in our efforts, and I expect to have more to say about this in the coming couple of weeks. Stay tuned...

Gotta go get ready to board the flight.

7:30am: The DFW Black Tie Dinner last night was fun. For those hanging on the sensational headline from the Dallas Voice earlier in the week it was certainly anticlimactic but things went just as I thought they would. Other than his time speaking on stage I didn't even see Joe much less talk to him which is certainly fine. That was never a goal. There were over 3,000 people there so finding any one person even if you wanted to would have been a challenge. If I had seen him I probably would have simply said 'hello' as these events aren't the time or place for deeper discussion.

The theme this year was "All You Need is Love". They run this event very, very well. It flows as smoothly as any I attend which is certainly a feat given it's size (remember - this is Texas). My friend Jamy and I were treated very well, and I couldn't even begin to count the number of people who approached me to tell me how happy they were that I was there (given recent events). The food was good, and I quietly slipped out at 10:45pm just as Keynote speaker Martin Sheen was getting ready to take the stage.

Martin Sheen and I at the Dallas Black Tie Dinner

As best I could tell there were perhaps a half dozen trans-people there, or less. A small group of us met up in the lobby during Joe's remarks - getting up politely before his talk and walking out of the room as a personal demonstration of disappointment over recent ENDA events . I truly didn't hear a thing he said but I asked the person sitting next to me if the word "transgender" came out of his mouth at all and was told that it did not.

My Buffalo Bills play the undefeated New England Patriots in Buffalo tonight. I won't be home to see most of it but that's probably going to be a good thing. The Pats have looked unstoppable in recent weeks and it's easier to take the defeats when I don't have to actually watch them. I'm a dreamer at heart and cling to the hope that we can pull out a win but I'm a realist, too, so I recognize how unlikely that is. I admire the Pats so if you've got to lose there's some small solace in losing to a team you don't actually hate.

Today I speak at my mom's church before flying home. Transgender Day of Remembrance events will be held in cities around the country over these next couple of days so the timing is certainly appropriate. I saw a posting by Autumn Sundeen indicating that HRC had cancelled the event that had been scheduled at their building today which surprised me. I had been copied on an email exchange with minister Drew Phoenix who was scheduled to speak at the event indicating the discomfort with the place and the timing. I don't know what happened in the background but it's gone. HRC posted a couple of video remarks from clergy to honor the event (see them here).

Friday, November 16, 2007

11:00pm: I'm tired. Is the week really over? I guess it almost is. Phew.

I went down to the Adam's Mark Hotel in Dallas tonight for the Silent Auction preview. It was nice to see friends there and have a chance to talk. This dinner it truly Texan - bigger than big. They'll have over 3,000 people there and it's run with machine-like precision. Really - it's a marvel. Once things get going tomorrow it's wall to wall people so tonight was the better night for visiting.

I'm planning to wear the outfit I wore in 2004 when I introduced Jessica Lange at the HRC National Dinner. Some might say it's gauche to wear the same thing more than once but I don't live in an income bracket that can afford that kind of lifestyle. I've only worn this particular outfit that one time which was - by the way - a big deal for me, so there's some symbolic meaning to wearing it again tomorrow in light of recent events. That, plus I'm finally at a point where I can finally fit into it again.

Mara Keisling, Executive Director of the National Center for Transgender Equality, was featured on Washington Journal on CSPAN last Saturday. I recorded it and watched it and was happy with the way things went. I talked to her mid-week and she said she was happy with it, too. Anyway, the video of it is available online for those who have a little time on their hands (Watch it here). Note that the link seems to break sometimes....must be due to technical difficulties.

One caller was livid that transgender people should expect to be treated equally in the workplace. When she's done ranting Mara says simply, "That's why we really need these protections."

I'm headed home late on Sunday. This is not a good week to be flying but I expect I'll be at the front end of the Holiday crush so I'm not expecting any problems. I guess we'll see.

6:00am: The week is slowly moving towards its climax. At home I've been helping mom in her garden, raking leaves, getting holiday decorations out of the attic, washing her dog, and generally doing stuff she can't do herself. At work my project hit a speed bump at the last minute and our implementation is delayed for a couple of weeks. The corporate event at Frito Lay yesterday went very well, and I had dinner tonight with friends that was very enjoyable and pleasant. Now, the "fun" starts.

Tomorrow night there is a preview party before the Black Tie dinner downtown at the Adam's Mark Hotel. On Saturday night is the dinner itself. And on Sunday I speak at my mom's church before catching an early evening flight home to Phoenix.

I did an interview with the Dallas Voice on Tuesday morning and apparently they were surprised to learn I was planning to attend the Black Tie Dinner. The story came out late Thursday and from the looks of things it will be prominently featured in their print edition:

ENDA debate spices up Black Tie
Dallas Voice, TX - Nov. 15, 2007
That’s because leading transgender activist Donna Rose will be there, and so will Human Rights Campaign President Joe Solmonese. Rose recently resigned from ...

They quoted me directly so everything they print is exactly as I said it although they left some stuff out that I wish they had included. They video taped it and I expect they'll have video of our more extended discussion available on their website shortly for those who want to see it. I was a little taken aback to see the story being framed as though there's some kind of show-down at hand - that's a bit over-dramatic, I think. Bottom line, though, is that I do feel that Joe and the organization have betrayed the transgender community in historically significant ways, that they have lost any shred of credibility they ever had, and that a personal apology - from Joe - to the community is in order. I don't know how to say it any gentler than that and I've said it all before so it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone.

I'm working on a piece titled "What Next?" I expect to have it finished in the next couple of days....

Thursday, November 15, 2007

7:00am: It's early and I figured I'd update a couple of things before the day gets going. Between work, helping mom, and various other obligations once the day gets going it's pretty hard to stop so the best time to fit it in is first thing.

At work my project is scheduled to implement this weekend. I'm managing a project to update the accounting software for a large company, and it includes hardware upgrades, new security, and enhanced functionality. In addition, because of the sensitive nature of financial software we've got IT auditors, Corporate auditors, SOX auditors, and other "interested parties" to satisfy. We met with our project executive sponsors yesterday to do a Go/No-Go for implementation this weekend. It's a GO, so everything will come to a head Friday and Saturday. Keep your fingers crossed.

I did a corporate event at Frito Lay. Thanks to everyone there for making it such a success. And thanks to the panel that included Jessica and Michelle who added greatly to the overall presentation. Well done. Here's a couple of photos from the event:

As follow-up to my previous post on Day of Remembrance events in the DC area, I have some confirmed details:

Washington, D.C., USA
Will hold a Transgender Day of Remembrance Event
At the Whitman Walker Clinic on Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Located at 1407 S Street, N.W. from 5-8pm (event starts at 6pm)
A reception will be held at the Austin Center, which will allow for local and national leaders, organizations to speak about the TDOR.
Contact: Earline Budd earline_budd@yahoo.com

Here are details of a couple of other events at cities around the country:

Ft Lauderdale, Florida, USA
Will hold a transgender day of remembrance event on
Sunday November 18, 2007 at the MCC Sunshine Cathedral,
1480 SW 9th Avenue, Ft Lauderdale, FL at 5:00 PM.
The program includes invited speakers followed by a candlelight vigil.
A reception will follow immediately in the Cathedral courtyard.
Ft Lauderdale's transgender and LGB community extends a warm welcome
to all who would like to attend this important event to memorialize
our dead and underscore the seriousness of the suffering of our
communities. There is no charge for this event.
This event sponsored by TERI Transgender Equality Rights Initiatives

Chicago, Illinois, USA
Will be holding a TDOR event on Sunday, November 18, 2007 from 4:30 - 7:00 pm
at the rooftop garden of the Center on Halsted,
3656 N. Halsted St., Chicago IL., 773-472-6469
http://www.genderadvocates.org/FrontFrames/poster07.jpg
Following the vigil, will be
"Night of the Fallen Stars", a trans-youth event
celebrating the Chicago TG/TS community.
There is a $5 donation requested, and all proceeds will benefit TYRA,
the Trans Youth Resource Advocacy,
co-sponsored by IGA and Howard Brown Health Center
http://www.centeronhalsted.org/home.cfm

I also have details on a fantastic opportunity at GLAAD and I encourage anyone interested to apply or contact them for more information:

Apply Now: 2008 GLAAD Media Transgender Advocacy Fellowship Announced

GLAAD, the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, has announced 11 Media Fellowships for 2008. Fellows will be based in either GLAAD’s New York or Los Angeles office, work nearly full time from Jan. 7 – Dec. 31, 2008, and receive a monthly stipend of $1,600.

This is a unique opportunity for students or recent graduates to develop media activism experience and leadership skills in the movement for LGBT equality. GLAAD Media Fellows work in areas as diverse as National News, Entertainment, Spanish-Language Media, Transgender Advocacy, Communities of African Descent Media and more.

Deadline to apply is Nov. 30, 2007. Find out more at GLAAD.org, http://www.glaad.org/about/fellowship_opps.php

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

9:00pm: I see that Equality Arizona issued a press release indicating that the long-running feud between a local trans-woman and a local nightclub owner is finally over. Phew. I'll admit that I was a participant at the mediation meeting on Friday where they came to an agreement on the resolution. Other than that, I have no details to share.

Scottsdale club settles transgender dispute
Arizona Republic - Phoenix,AZ,USA
A transgender woman and a Scottsdale nightclub owner have settled their dispute over the use of the bar's bathrooms. Michele deLaFreniere agreed to drop her ...

Oh. Actually, I will share one additional detail. As I walked up the steps to the meeting I saw one of the most amazing sunsets you could hope to see. I took this photo from just outside the door to Equality Arizona (sorry for the power lines in the foreground). It's nice to have a camera available when you see scenes like this - although the photo doesn't do the fiery sky justice.

There will be Day of Remembrance observances across the country this weekend. I've gotten several emails over the past few days from people in the DC/Virginia/Baltimore area who are unhappy about the fact that HRC is having an observance at their building (details here) after political events of these past couple of weeks. They have asked if there are alternative options and although I understand that there are I don't have specifics. Anyone who has details is free to send them to me. I'm happy to post them.

The observance here in Phoenix will be on Sunday evening. The always wonderful Margaux has done her usual fantastic job of pulling the event together again this year. I remember the event when I first arrived here, and how there was unhappiness at the way it was run, where it was held, and in the general quality of the event. Margaux has been masterful at planning and promoting over these past several years so anyone in the Phoenix area is invited to join this year's event. Details are here.

I'm scheduled to arrive back in Phoenix shortly after dusk so if I don't make it to the vigil I'll stop at the after-event at FEZ for a little while. I hope we have a great turnout, as it's truly a community event.

I have a couple of things as follow-up to recent posts. We were talking about transgender people crossing barriers in the media. There's an ABC News article about Candis Cayne, the transgender actress in "Dirty Sexy Money".

ABC News - 13 Nov 07

Transgendered Actress Breaks Hollywood Barriers Candis Cayne Is One of the Few Transgendered Actresses on Television

Actress Candis Cayne heats up primetime TV in her role as Carmelita in the hit show drama "Dirty Sexy Money."

The sultry actress, who plays the transgendered mistress of a New York attorney general and senatorial candidate on the show, has made headlines as one of the few transgendered characters on television. She is also transgendered in real life.

Read on: http://abcnews.go.com/print?id=3857930

I went to Dallas Voice this morning to do an interview, and a video. I'm told it will be online sometime in the next couple of days so I'll pass that along when I get it. You'll never guess what we talked about...

Lastly, Hate Crimes - which is fully-inclusive and has been passed by both houses of Congress - is apparently getting ready to go to the President (read about it here). Somehow, I've gotten so used to watching people strip protections on the basis of gender identity and expression from federal legislation over these past few weeks that I'm just waiting for it to happen there, too. I can only muster so much enthusiasm about anything even remotely political right now, which is truly a shame.

Monday, November 12, 2007

9:00pm: I'm in Dallas, with mom. The flight here yesterday was relatively painless, especially when compared to the 1,200 drive of last Sunday. Ouch.

One of my mom's favorite restaurants is Red Lobster so went there for dinner to celebrate: she had a "nuclear stress test" to check the blood supply to her heart last week and the results were very good. She's pretty spry for 78 years old - I should be so lucky to be half as healthy if I make it that far. As usual she has a list of things she needs help with so I spent the afternoon, after work, raking and blowing the leaves from her front lawn. It was a beautiful day here so I'm certainly not complaining - if it makes mom happy then it makes me happy, too.

GLAAD is releasing a Public Service Announcement specifically to honor the Transgender Day of Remembrance that will be honored in cities around the country this weekend:

A Message from Rex Lee, TR Knight, Jamie Bamber, Alexandra Billings and more

Their Press Release reads as follows:

In Honor of Transgender Day of Remembrance
GLAAD Releases a Powerful Message Calling for Dignity and Respect

"Be an Ally & a Friend" PSA Features Transgender Actress Alexandra Billings

Los Angeles, November 13, 2007 – Tuesday, November 20 is the Transgender Day of Remembrance, a day to memorialize those killed because of anti-transgender violence or prejudice. To mark this event, the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is releasing a PSA encouraging viewers to treat others with dignity and respect regardless of gender identity/expression or sexual orientation.

The 20-second spot is part of GLAAD's ongoing "Be an Ally & a Friend" campaign and features transgender actress Alexandra Billings (Grey's Anatomy, ER), as well as T.R. Knight (Grey's Anatomy), Rachel Griffiths (Brothers & Sisters), Rex Lee (Entourage), Jamie Bamber (Battlestar Galactica) and retired NBA player John Amaechi.

Transgender Day of Remembrance was founded nine years ago to honor Rita Hester, a transgender woman who was murdered November 28, 1998. The annual event is designed to raise public awareness of anti-transgender hate crimes and to encourage people to be allies to the transgender community.

"It is of vital importance that all of us, regardless of our sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression, observe the Transgender Day of Remembrance," says GLAAD President Neil G. Giuliano. "Transgender people face violence and discrimination every day. We all need to show our support by being allies and friends to the transgender community."

GLAAD's "Be an Ally & a Friend" PSA campaign features 22 public figures from television, film and sports. The spots encourage people to be allies to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people and to help combat discrimination, directing viewers to resources at GLAAD.org.

GLAAD is releasing a new 20- or 30-second version of the PSA approximately every two weeks to be aired through broadcast collaborations with Access Hollywood, national cable networks such as Fox Reality, GSN, IFC, Lifetime, The N, Sci Fi Channel and Sundance Channel; local cable systems and network affiliates; online at LiveVideo, YouTube, AOL Video and MySpace; and others to be announced.

Media outlets interested in running the PSAs should e-mail a request to entertainment@glaad.org or call (323) 634-2013. Artwork of select participants can be downloaded here: http://www.glaad.org/ally/photos.php. The spots can be embedded from LiveVideo here: http://www.livevideo.com/GLAAD.

The PSAs were directed by Nadine Licostie and produced by Licostie and Connie Grazia for Red Thread Productions.

About GLAAD
The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is dedicated to promoting and ensuring fair, accurate and inclusive representation of people and events in the media as a means of eliminating homophobia and discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation. For more information, please visit www.glaad.org.

###

Now that we're moving into a post-ENDA world - at least I am - the key becomes messaging. And, as discussed here before trans characters are showing up as never before in mainstream media channels. One timely story about this trend appeared in newspapers across the country over the past couple of weeks:

...To add shock to TV shows in 2007, writers have turned to transsexuals.

How surprising was it last season on Ugly Betty when Alex, the long-lost brother of Mode magazine editor-in-chief Daniel Mead, returned as Alexis, who was not only a woman but also a woman who looks like Rebecca Romijn (exactly like her, as it turned out)?

A story line over the summer on Entourage involved Johnny Drama trying to get in good with the mayor of Beverly Hills by hooking him up with what appeared to be a beautiful woman at a trendy bar. Her pre-op secret was revealed in one of those skirt flash shots the paparazzi so love. But the mayor (Stephen Tobolowsky) decided he liked his exotic new acquaintance, anyway.

Another politician on a TV series who decided to stick with his transsexual is William Baldwin's Patrick Darling on ABC's Dirty Sexy Money. Although a married New York state attorney general running for U.S. Senate, he is determined to continue his illicit relationship with Carmelita, despite entreaties from his family lawyer.

Carmelita, a sultry blonde with a very low voice, is notable because she might be broadcast TV's first recurring transsexual character who actually is played by a transsexual.

Pushing the Transsexual Envelope - The Houston Chronicle Nov. 4, 2007

My mom cuts out everything she reads that in any way relates to transgender and saves them to give to me. The small pile of newspaper she collected for me this time includes :

a Dear Abby story titled "Readers Weigh In on Transgender Issue" (see it here) from Nov. 8.
There's a front page article in the Dallas Morning News from that same day, Nov. 8, on ENDA: "House approves ban on job bias against gays". The article is continued on page 2, where the headline in big bold letters reads "Gender identity protections not included in bill". Don't remind me - I know.
a story from the Ft. Worth Star Telegram that same day (Nov. 8) titled "Gay job discrimination bill passes". There's a paragraph there titled "Transgender workers"...

Life goes on....

We talk about discrimination in workplaces around this country, but I can't let today pass without saying something about Veteran's Day. I got an email over the weekend from Monica Helms, a friend from my earliest support group meetings in Phoenix and current present of TAVA . It included an article she had written:

The Forgotten Veterans
By Monica F. Helms

Veterans Day is one the three most important days in this country when it comes to patriotism and pride. At the eleventh minute, of the eleventh hour, of the eleventh day, of the eleventh month, we start the day honoring all the veterans who have served this country, both in peace and in war. Today, we have 26 million military veterans in America, but sadly, we lose 1500 WWII each day and a similar number of Korean War veterans as well. Soon, the Vietnam War veterans will pass away in similar numbers.

The men and women who fought in those wars over the last 230-plus years came from every diverse background this country has ever known. People from every race, religion, ethnicity, economic status, social status and sexual orientation have fought, been wounded or died for this country. A current example of sexual orientation is the first person wounded in the current war in Iraq. Eric Alva lost a leg in the very early days of the war and then came out as being gay after his discharge.

Amongst the wide diversity of people who have served this country, Transgender Americans have been an important part of the military since the Revolutionary War. The word “transgender” has come to mean “Anyone who crosses the gender lines, regardless of whether it is temporary or permanent.” Dictionary.com has the definition as, “Noun: A person appearing or attempting to be a member of the opposite sex, as a transsexual or habitual cross-dresser,” and, “Adjective: Being, pertaining to, or characteristic of a transgender or transgenders: the transgender movement.”

We have found that in the early part of American history, women could easily fight as men because they didn’t have to go through a physical exam before enlisting. That changed during the Spanish American War. Some of the women who did fight in those early wars indeed returned to a life as a woman, but many did not.

In the early and middle parts of the 20th Century, we found that most of the transgender veterans who served at that time started life as boys, but became women in the years after the wars had ended. Others crossdressed throughout their lives and even did so while serving in the military. In the middle 20th Century and early 21st Century, women began serving more frequently and even in combat roles where they could not previously serve. We started seeing more women who later became men after those wars were over.

One of the notable examples of a woman who fought as a man was Deborah Sampson, a tall woman for her day, served in the Revolutionary War as Robert Shurtliff and even became wounded. Another person was Lucy Brewer, who started her early adult life as a prostitute, but served as a Marine on board of the USS Constitution in the War of 1812. After the War, she appeared as a man several times. Around 400 women served as men in the Civil War, for both sides. Some continued their lives as men after the war.

One of the most interesting stories is that of Cathy Williams, a slave who changed her name to William Cathey and served two years as a Buffalo Solider before she told a doctor she was a woman. She did as well as her male counterparts, surviving the harsh conditions of the desert Southwest.

As the understanding of transgenderism improved, stories of thousands of transgender people who served this country in the military surfaced. The famous writer, B-movie producer and crossdresser, Ed Wood, fought in the Battle of Guadalcanal. The first known transsexual, Christine Jorgensen, spent eleven months in the Army and when she came back from Denmark after her surgery in 1952, the headlines in the paper read, “GI becomes Blonde Bombshell.” The headlines knocked the explosion of the first hydrogen bomb off the front page. Later, Eisenhower even invited her to the White House.

We know of many transgender people who have fought in every late 20th Century and 21st Century wars we have been in. I have a friend, Jane Fee, who served during WWII. I served during the Vietnam War, in the Navy, on two submarines. We know of another transgender person who headed a special anti-terrorist unit for the Army and even reported to the Vice President.

Transgender people have been in every war, served in every branch of the service, have achieved every rank and have been awarded every medal this country has, including the Congressional Medal of Honor. We have done every job the military has, served in every base, port, ship, drove every vehicle, operated every weapon, flown every aircraft and served in every hospital the American military has. We have done our part to preserve the freedom of everyone in this country. If you ask us, we will tell you that we are veterans first, who just happen to be transgender people. And, we are proud to have served this great country.

I have a friend who is currently serving in the war in Iraq. This person is dealing with gender issues, and is even on hormones there. But few if any will ever know about her secret. She hides it from most. Does her job. Loves her job. Endures the days. And wonders about her future.

Keep her and all those like her in your thoughts and prayers. These people are true heroes.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

3:00pm: Today is "Do Work Around The House" day. I'm maybe 40% unpacked from my move a few weeks ago so although most of the boxes of important stuff are unpacked there's still a lot to do. I need to put pictures up on the walls. I need to go thru all the stuff in my garage. I need to check into additional storage because I've got beds and dressers and noplace to put them and I don't want them in my garage. I've got a friend coming over tomorrow to take me to the airport and she's bringing a dolly so we can move a big piece of furniture to where it belongs. All in all, the "nesting" continues.

I need to find the time to put my TransAmerica videos into something I'm willing to share. It was actually kinda fun to tape the road from behind the wheel as I drove last week. It certainly helped pass the time. But I think putting it all together will be a blast and I'm expecting to do that soon. It's hard to believe it was only a week ago that I was on the road.

I had a good talk with a friend this morning and we were talking about social needs and relationships. She's visiting with a group of women alumni from her college and is having a great time reconnecting with them in that space. She went on an Olivia Cruise a couple of months ago - by herself - and had a blast. It's so nice to see some of us able to go out and experience that. She made a comment about how she's making up for things she never got to do back then and it's really true. I'm proud of her.

As I've been working today I'm playing a Sarah McLachlan DVD in the background and the lyrics of one of her lesser known songs reached out and grabbed me to stop and to listen and re-listen. It's from a song titled "Dirty Little Secret" and it pretty well sums up how I feel sometimes:

If I had the chance to love
I would not hesitate
To tell you all things I never said before
Don't tell me its too late
Cause I've relied on my illusions
to keep me warm at night
and I denied in my capacity to love
but I am willing to give up this fight.

Dirty Little Secret - by Sarah McLachlan (see the video here)

A friend and I were exchanging images of how we're feeling right now and I sent one of a long, narrow road heading into the barren distance, with far-away mountains waiting to be crossed (it's here). I don't know what that says about me other than maybe I drove a little too much last week, or that a vacation to the tropics is in order.

Friday, November 9, 2007

10:00pm: It's Friday night, and the "fun" of my evening is a half-bottle of Shiraz, some pasta, and the movie Help! featuring the Beatles. I was on the treadmill earlier this week and saw a commercial for the DVD at Best Buy so I ran out to get it. I hate to admit this but I remember seeing it in the late 60's or early 70's. I was living outside Buffalo, NY at the time and there was no such thing as cable back then. People who were fortunate had one of those antennas with a controller box so you could change the direction on the thing and get better reception from far away stations. People who were even more fortunate had color tv's - there were two of those households on our block so of course they were very popular. I remember watching the NBC peacock - amazed at all the color. Anyway, I'm dating myself with all this.

In Buffalo we could get local stations, but we could also get stations from Toronto (channels 6, 9, and 11 - I remember to this day). We used to enjoy watching the Canadian stations because although they were kind of snowy and fuzzy they didn't edit things. The American channels did. For example, The Godfather was on Canadian TV and they didn't edit a single thing. We watched it later in the week on US stations and they edited all the sex and violence out of it. Didn't make any sense, but that's the way it was.

I share all this because when I first watched Help! it was on one of the Canadian stations. I remember. And over the years I've been waiting for it to become available so I could watch it on my own. And now, I can. As I said in my earlier post - life is good.

One last ENDA piece here for today: I wrote an Op/Ed piece for The Advocate and it went online today (After ENDA - read it here). As with most things like that I write, it came from the heart.

Time for bed.

1:00pm: I want to talk about HRC for a moment. I know it's not a pleasant topic for many of us right now but I feel a need to articulate something so please bear with me. And I promise, this will be my last rant on this. At least, for now.

First off, there are many, many, many people on staff at HRC that I continue to admire, trust, and I'm honored to consider them as friends. My thanks, dedication, appreciation, and affection for them and the work they do is NOT affected by what has happened in recent days. Not one ounce. Not an inch. None. Zero. Daryl, Mark, Cuc, Harry, Betsy - there are too many to list here. These people are still on my Christmas list and nothing that happens politically can or should change that.

Even Joe. I'm incredibly angry at Joe right now. When you're a leader you get credit for things aren't yours to take credit for, and you get blame for things that might not be your fault. That's part of leadership. HRC has done some horribly bad things to my community (and by default, to me) in recent weeks, and my anger and hurt is something I don't feel I need to justify to anyone. In an earlier post I said something that has been taken as a personal attack at Joe and for that I apologize. I really do. That has never been my style and it wasn't meant to be personal. I've seen people saying really nasty things about him and what I said is really tame in comparison but still, I won't jump on that bandwagon.

I was one of the people on the search committee that actually interviewed and hired Joe in 2005. Over the course of the following couple of years I grew to like Joe and considered him a friend. Other trans-activists I know felt similarly - they felt conflicted speaking out against HRC as an organization but liking Joe as a person. Perhaps that's part of what has made me so angry. Friends don't NOT call friends to warn them before something that affects them is about to happen. Friends don't NOT call friends to explain. Friend's don't rub salt in the wounds by publishing suspicious poll results at the 11th hour to give the impression that, actually, nobody gives a damn about transgender inclusion. Friends don't behave like that. Obviously (to me, anyway), I was alone in how I felt about our friendship. So be it. I'll need to get past that someday.

Still, at some point we will need to work together. That's a reality. To ignore that is to ignore all that has happened. HRC has been waiting to play offense for a great many years and now that it's got the ball it's going to run with it no matter what it has to do. Credibility. Trust. Foundation programs. Relationships in the GLBT Community. All have been proven to be secondary to its goal of finally moving the ball down the field. I'm as angry and as hurt as anyone out there - bar none - by what has happened but at some point there will be a need to re-engage. They know that. Trans-activists know that. The irony is that they need us to do education as much as we need them to open doors. Until and unless that changes there will need to be some level of relationship. That's just a fact of life.

The question, I think, is what does that engagement look like. Those discussions are already under way.

Both Jamison Green and I are still on the Business Council. For now. Our roles there are as business professionals working with other business professionals to help GLBT employees get the rights they need. It's not about HRC - it's about our community in the workplace. We're working on exciting new changes to the CEI, new tools, a new FTM DVD similar to the one they did with me earlier this year, broader education, increased work around wellness and insurance, updates to the Transition Guide for Managers. This is important, critical, stuff that affects our lives and there's nobody better suited to do it right now than Jamison and I. Nobody. If someone were to ask me what was more important: getting trans inclusion in this version of ENDA or ensuring that more companies were hiring and retaining qualified trans people I'd answer the latter is the key - by far - ten time out of ten. I'm mad as hell that politics is getting in the way of our ability to do this stuff. But it has, at least for now.

All that said. Do I espouse people giving money? Hell, no (and I don't think it's appropriate for HRC to be donating it's money to the community, either - seems too much like blood-money right now). Do I espouse people donating their time? No. Join PFLAG. Donate some time to a local GLBT Youth Group if you've got one nearby. Meet your local political representatives. But I don't espouse picketing dinners, sending personal insults, or doing other things that would diminish our own integrity either. I don't see what positive goal that accomplishes. I had someone contact me to help with a website against HRC - not doing that either.

So, back to the issue at hand. My faith and trust in the political machine that is HRC and the commitment of that machine to full-inclusion is zero. If it were possible to be less than zero it would be whatever that looks like. However I don't believe, as many others do, that it's specifically a "trans" thing. I don't feel they're intentionally keeping us out because they're trans-phobic - individually or collectively (some certainly "get" the trans thing more than others, but that's a whole other discussion). But at the same time I don't think they (the political machine of HRC, that is) really see us as part of the "community", either, as is evidenced by their willingness to separate us. Their job is to pass legislation so they did it - very strategically and ruthlessly workman-like - by making whatever sacrifices were necessary and that included torpedoing us. I don't necessarily take what they did personally. But I take how they did it VERY personal.

I will continue to speak out about the political betrayal until a) we get a personal heartfelt apology for what has happened (I'm old fashioned like that), b) there is a workable plan to move forward in place and c) I've cooled off a bit. Even then, it cannot be business-as-usual. No more promises. No more good-faith commitments. Those days are sadly gone.

Oddly, my faith in the OTHER parts of the organization remains pretty much unchanged. I got a letter from Harry Knox last night and I continue to believe him - he hasn't lied to me yet. I talk with Daryl and with Mark and their calls will always be answered. I hope my outspoken work against their political escapades won't interfere with those relationships - I don't think it has to - but I won't be the one making that decision.

I strongly, adamantly, vehemently believe that whatever educational effort that HRC does around trans issues CAN NOT be part of their political program. The money, the people, the planning - it needs to come from the Foundation. There needs to be a budget. There needs to be a plan. There needs to be meat on the bones. No offence to Marty or anyone in the political circle there but that just won't fly. This can't be just about politics. It's much bigger than that.

Personally, I'd live to see a Trans-Education Tour. Like, 40 cities. Tulsa. St. Louis. Memphis. San Antonio. Columbus, OH. Honolulu. Engage local corporations, local politicians, local entities. There has never been anything like that and it would be a huge first. To me, that's the scope of this thing. Not onsey-twosey meetings here and there.

I didn't mean for this to be this long, but I guess there's lots to say. Now that I've gotten that off my chest it's time to move on to other things. It's Friday. The sun is shining. I had a job interview this morning. I'll be at mom's in a couple of days. Other than "Post ENDA Trauma Syndrome" (PETS, for short) - life is good.

Oh - one more thing. GLAAD has produced a PSA specifically to be release around the Transgender Day of Remembrance. They're scheduled to release it next Tuesday along with a press release. I've got a copy of it and have been given the green light to post it here on Monday as an "exclusive". Check back to see it.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

11:30am: Today is the day after ENDA. I watched it all unfold on CSPAN yesterday. And I really don't have much to say about it here right now.

I have formulated my feelings into an OpEd piece and posted it (The Mourning After). I didn't take the time to carefully consider what I wanted to say or how I was saying it - I just let the words flow and that's the result. I think it's important to articulate how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking while these emotions are still fresh. Whether what I share has meaning to anyone but me is up to others. It's just my thinking today, and how I'm feeling.

As I mentioned in my ENDABlog it was amazing to hear the word "transgender" spoken so many times on the floor of the House of Representatives yesterday. How many of us ever imagined we'd see that? And although there was certainly much to be proud about there have been some very sobering learnings these past few days and weeks. Perhaps that is the Yin and Yang of this thing. We shall see.

I got an email this morning talking about ways to take HRC down, as though that was even possible. It was sent to a large group of people and although I typically don't respond to large groups because it tends to turn into a melee I did respond to this one. I share my response here:

Quitting HRC and joining (or forming) other organizations is exactly appropriate. They don't deserve our support.

I have a problem, though, with undermining HRC in terms of what that means, how it's accomplished, and how we'll be portrayed as a result of it. The fact of the matter is that HRC is incredibly effective politically and undermining it doesn't serve any purpose except allow us to express our outrage over what they've done. A far more productive strategy would be working to establish something that ensure we don't find ourselves in this position again.

I feel as betrayed as any of us. And, there needs to be consequences. But lashing out in the heat of the moment may not serve our long-term interests best.

You're exactly right when you say that HRC isn't going anywhere. Their credibility is gone but their ruthless effectiveness has never been more evident. We need to leverage the support that was evident on Capitol Hill yesterday in productive ways. How? Don't know yet. But there's no need to hurry with any of this. A restrained response allows for escalation. A knee-jerk one doesn't.

Anyway - just my 2 cents worth.

I'll be at a large dinner in Dallas next Saturday (in Texas things need to be larger than life). It's called the Black Tie Dinner and I attended a couple of years ago with my mom (Sharon Stone and Lily Tomlin were award winners that year). The model is a unique one in that some of the money it generates (there will be over 3,000 attendees so there will be lots of $$$) goes to the HRC Foundation (this is important - it's not the PAC, it's efforts like the Workplace Project, the Coming Out Project, the Religion and Faith Project) but the bulk goes to support local and regional GLBT efforts. I spoke at a youth group in Dallas last year - YouthFirst Texas - and they get a significant portion of their funding from the dinner. Anyway, I think it's a model that needs to be adopted in other cities but that's just me thinking out loud again...

Anyway, HRC President Joe Solmonese will be there (as will his partner, whose friendship I continue to appreciate). Perhaps we'll meet up. Perhaps we won't - 3,000 people is ALOT of people. I'll tell you this, though, that when it's his turn to talk I'll politely leave the room. Not because I'm angry (although, believe me, I am angry). It's because I expect he will be talking about celebration and progress and I don't feel as though I'm part of that. I would only serve to make me sad and I don't need to be sad right now. I will certainly be feeling mixed emotions.

I've been telecommuting to work this week. That's both good and bad. The good news is that it allows some level of freedom. The bad news is that there is no social interaction. I've become aware of my social needs and I need to be out doing things and having some level of structure in my world. It's almost 10am and I'm still in my PJ's. Oy. I'm having some initial "next-move" career discussions so we'll see what, if anything comes from them. I approach them with restrained optimism.

I talked with my mom last night. I will be seeing her next week and we're both looking forward to that. She said I sounded "a little down". I didn't feel like having to explain the whole ENDA thing to her and I admitted that I was but that it was nothing serious. She's got a list going of things she wants me to do while I'm there. Somehow, things never change. There was a time when I did everything I could to avoid doing things on her lists. Now, I'm happy doing whatever I can to make her smile. It's important to keep all this in perspective. Hopefully, I am.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

9:00pm: It has been a long day for me. Between all the ENDA crap and general life "stuff" it seems like this morning was more than a day ago. One friend wrote to me, knowing that I've been up to my ears in it all, and suggested that I sit down, relax, and have a glass of wine. That was good advice.

I've got lots of irons in the fire. I've got some significant exciting career opportunities that are in early stages of discussion. ENDA is burning. I'm supposed to be in Dallas next week. Somehow, sitting in a car going 75 miles an hour along open highway for the better part of a day doesn't seem half bad after all.

The thing that really bothers me most in everything that happened today, I think, is the fact that HRC commissioned a poll that they say indicates 70% of GLBT people support a non-inclusive bill over none at all. Do you have any idea what kind of message that sends? The fact that HRC would do that - would hire people, sit on those results, and then publish them to support dropping us from ENDA is a knife in the back. I can't think of any other words to describe it. It's inexcusable, unconscionable, and just plain wrong and to the day I die I will never forget it.

You don't do that to family. You can't stroke us with one hand and ream us both at the same time. You can't tell us you support us and then hire people to massage numbers that make us look expendable and think we'll be okay with that. I find this "Daddy knows best" attitude that Joe seems to take towards us, as though he and Barney Frank know what's best for the movement and everyone else just doesn't "get" it, as condescending, patronizing, and egotistical. He's setting himself for a fall and I can't say I'll feel sorry when that happens. I hope ENDA gets torpedoed tomorrow and then we'll see what he's got to say.

When I think of how I feel about all of this my first response is to say "F*uck 'em". They don't deserve my time, my energy, my trust, my effort, or my support. I've given them all the above and more and look at what has happened. I'm just being honest....

I'd love to turn my back on all of this, put my head back into a warm, dark, comfortable hole, and get on with life without any of this hassle. But I can't do that. That's not my way. And, no matter what happens tomorrow on the ENDA vote we'll need to take back our destiny from those who feel empowered to own it. That's the learning from all of this. We can't count on others to do it right, to care the way we do, to understand. Coming out of all this we'll need to own what happens next - the education, the integration into broader society, the workplace efforts. We've accepted the fact that others have wanted to lead in the past and we have become complacent in allowing that. Not any more. In future months, we'll lead. Others can choose to get on board or not. Know this: this is not the end. It's just the beginning.

As I ran on the treadmill this evening a song came to mind that captures how I feel. I've mentioned it here before, but it's a song I've come to accept as a theme song. It's a song that helps me put things in perspective, and moves me. It's a song about being true to yourself, and being able to share your authenticity with pride. Listen to it here. Closer your eyes and really listen. You'll feel it, too.

7:45am: I made it. Phew. These kinds of long trips have an added level of anxiety in that you never know what can go wrong. Flat tire in the middle of nowhere. Car breaks (my car has 90,000 miles on it). Bad drivers. Bad weather. Road hazards. There are any number of things that can go wrong. Like most things I do, I choose to push those worries to the background and just do what I have to do. Thankfully, things went smoothly this time.

I was thinking about the trips I've done in that car over the past year. I drove from Charleston to Phoenix at the end of last year. I drove from Charleston to Miami and back in January. I drove from Charleston to Rochester in early August. And, this latest trip. All in all I think I put almost 20,000 miles on it last year but I really, really, really enjoy that car. Despite the fact that I was sitting in that driver's seat for hours on end I have absolutely zero complaints. How many of us can say that about our cars?

Trip totals:

Day	From/To	Miles	Hours
Day 1: Thursday, Nov. 1	Rochester NY / Washington DC	471	7 hrs.
Day 2: Saturday, Nov. 3	Washington DC / Little Rock AR	1,005	14.5 hrs
Day 3: Sunday, Nov. 4	Little Rock AR / Douglas AZ	1,154	16.5 hrs
Day 4: Monday, Nov. 5	Douglas AZ / Chandler AZ	254	3.5 hrs
TOTALS		2,884	41.5 hrs

Ouch. I'm glad it's behind me.

The one thing that I enjoyed was being able to take a little video along the way. It was a pleasant distraction, and I'll try to put it all together into something I'm willing to share. It's really quite the amazing trip and like so many things I don't know if we can really appreciate it until after it's over.

One thing I did while I was driving is keep a list of the many things I need to do, follow-up on, and remember. Now, I just need to actually do them all.

As I type this I'm watching C-SPAN to see for myself what happens when ENDA makes its way to the floor. Yawn. I don't know what's less tedious - watching politicians jockey for position or sitting behind the wheel of a car for hours on end. If I ever lose my senses to the point where I threaten to run for office someone needs to poke me and force me to watch C-SPAN for a day. That'll snap me back to my senses. Anyway, if there were ever an odd day to consider ENDA today would be the day. They've been talking for well over an hour about service men and women in preparation for Veteran's Day. Soldier stuff in the morning, GLBT workplace discussion later. Interesting combination.

I finally pulled into my driveway at 4:30 yesterday afternoon. By 6:30 I was on a treadmill, running 4 miles. After that kind of a trip I had a ton of energy to burn (not to mention road food) and my mental health felt a need to do something to get the blood flowing. It was just what the doctor ordered.

It's nice to be home. I feel centered for the first time in a while. I've been scattered here and there and for the first time in a long time most of my world is in the same place at the same time. As comfortable as I seem to be with "scatter" it's nice when everything comes back together again, if even for only a short time. I've got some decisions ahead of me - the most pressing of which will be about my job. My project implements in a couple of weeks and we'll see what happens next. I like to have options.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

11:30pm CT: It has been another loooonnngg day. The weather today was a carbon copy of yesterday - honestly not a single cloud - and the only real construction I hit was a brief delay in Oklahoma City. I drove almost 1,200 miles today (16 hours) and could probably have made it the last 200 miles if I really pushed it. The point is that I don't see any reason to push it, so I checked into a motel to get some sleep. Driving the windy road out of the mountains into Phoenix is not something wise to do at night, if you're tired. Plus, I expect a night of sleep will help me to feel more "human" human tomorrow.

G'night.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

11:30pm CT: It has been a loooonnngg day. The good news is that if there was ever a perfect day for a cross-country drive, this was it. Bright, sunny, blue skies. No construction. Traffic not too bad. Incredible fall colors. I really enjoyed the drive, that is until it got dark. And, until I started to get tired. I drove 1,000 miles today in 15 hours. I'll sleep well tonight - I'm not made for this anymore. The clocks get turned back tonight so I get an extra hour out of the deal as well. It'll be much needed, as I've got another 1,000+ miles to drive tomorrow, too.

7:00am: I'm at the tail-end my my quick visit to Washington DC, just getting ready to hit the road across country. I must be certifiably insane for this - really - but that won't change the fact that I'll be on the road in hour heading west. I hope the road is kind to me.

The drive down here on Thursday afternoon/evening was uneventful and almost pleasant. I packed the car with the remainder of my world in Rochester: a bunch of clothes, my bike, shoes, various odds and ends. One of my trips across country involved packing my car so full there was barely room for a driver. Thankfully, I'm not so fully laden this time. I've been taking little snippets of video here and there along the way to amuse myself and to feel as though I've got a "project" to keep me company. The harder part of the journey is that I'm sleeping on a couch in a building that's got more creaks and groans than all my joints combined so I haven't gotten a good, full, night of sleep lately. Such is life on the road I suppose.

I spent yesterday morning attending the first day of the GLBT Health and Wellness event sponsored by the NGLCC and HRC. This stuff is so important, and I'm finding myself becoming more and more involved. For example, did you know that there is a book of procedure codes that medical practitioners use to submit claims to insurance companies, and that there are only 2 general codes that apply to ALL trans related surgeries? There are two broad categories of Intersex procedures (their description, not mine): one for MTF procedures and the other for FTM. There are no codes to further differentiate from there, so cost or more detailed explanations aren't part covered yet. Part of the problem is that we're finally working with insurance companies and corporations to add tras-related surgeries as wellness benefits, and they're doing that, but the insurance industry itself doesn't have the appropriate infrastructure yet to effectively handle it. We'll work to identify what those codes need to look like and then work with the AMA to add them when it updates the Procedure book, which happens every year. That's just a small part of a bigger puzzle. Anyway, there's lots of stuff going on and I'm glad to see these kinds of events to at least bring visibility to some of them.

I had a meeting about the HRC Business Council at the HRC building yesterday. It was good to see some dear friends that I've missed there, and those friendships are unchanged by my disappointment in the political side of the organization. Those relationships will endure, and they remain very special to me. In fact, they're the most important part of my relationship with the organization as a whole and as long as they're there I'll find a way to be involved in some way if only just to be able to interact with them.

Lastly, I attended the NGLCC National Dinner at the National Building Museum last night. I've attended lots of dinners in lots of places but this takes the cake as far as venue is concerned. It was simply amazing. I took a little video there, but I doubt it effectively captures the 100+ foot ceilings, the dramatic lighting, the huge pillars, the fountain, the ice sculptures (the entire bar was made of ice!) and all the other stuff that made it something I won't soon forget.

I had a small speaking part to introduce one of the award winners so I got to sit at the table with Martina Navratalova, who by the way was just wonderful. Great sense of humor. Nice smile. Engaging. Her attorney was there and she's a blast, as well. I'd love to do a road trip with those two. Anyway, it's really interesting to meet pioneers is GLB acceptance from a time when it was just in its infancy. I marvel at what it must have been like to have been on the forefront, in a visible role, fighting stereotypes and injustice. But in the next thought I remind myself that I know what that's like in my own little, personal way. Many of us are living it each and every day, and we accept it simply as part of life. Anyway, people like Martina are true heroes for being able to conduct themselves with dignity through it all.

Anyway, I had a very nice time and it was great to see people I've known for a while but haven't seen in forever, and to meet new friends as well. Here are a couple of pics:

Mara Keisling, me, Andre Wilson, Martina Navratilova, Selisse Berry (O&E)

I've made it to the 'big' screen...this screen was HUGE

I don't want to allow too much time to pass before mentioning a couple of things:

The always fantabulous and irreverent Jenny Boylan (who needs no further introduction) has another book coming out in January and is already getting ready for a promotional tour to support it. She had a piece on, of all places, the New York Times Op/Ed page last week. (Seems out of place as an Opinion piece to me, but oh well). Anyway, it's titled "The Ghosts of Halloweens Past" and you can read it here if you'd like.

Lastly, I had lunch with my ex-partner Joe before leaving Rochester on Thursday. I've known Joe for 25+ years and the two of us had lots in common. We both had kids at about the same age. We were both IT consultants, and met each other through reputation and a project at Kodak a long time ago. We had similar mindsets on things and worked well together and at one point we were managing the day-to-day operations of a Fortune 500 IT operation while they were preparing to move to a new platform. Anyway, when I first told Joe about my little situation he was dumbfounded and said something I'll never forget. The first time he saw me he said, "If you told me the sky was purple right now I'd believe you." Anyway, it was great to see him and reconnect a bit. He's gotten grayer, but it's really nice to realize those relationships and connections don't necessarily fade with time or distance or "life".

So now it's time to collect my things and hit the road. I expect to drive 800-1000 miles today and I'll stop when I have to. We'll see how it goes. Onwards and upwards.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

1:30pm: Today is Halloween, the unofficial Holiday for transgender people everywhere, where you're never too old to find a reason to dress up. I remember looking forward to Halloween for weeks, looking for an excuse to let Donna out of her exile if only for just that one evening. It was certainly a double edged sword, though, as to let her out meant that she needed to go back into hiding again, and the end results of my "costume" were reminders of a life that could never be (or so I thought). Anyway, to Halloweenies out there everywhere - have fun today!

The Halloween weather forecast in Rochester is unseasonably warm with high temperatures perhaps reaching 70 degrees here today. I remember many a Halloween trudging through the leaves and wet snow with my son, bundled warmly under his costume. Taking him house to house was my job, while my ex-wife stayed home handing out candy. I have no special plans at all today or tonight - I'll probably go out for a late dinner with my sister. I think she's feeling a need to spend as much time together as we can knowing that my departure (again) is imminent.

It feels odd to realize that I'm just over 24 hours away from leaving here again. I went for a nice, long run along the canal after work yesterday and it struck me at some point that it would probably be the last time I do that for quite a while. The fact that, unless I make other arrangements, I'll be driving almost 3,000 miles in a few days hasn't sunk in yet. I don't know that it ever will - I'll probably be a couple of hours into the drive before it really hits home that I'm moving on to the next chapter.

I'm still a little bit in the air about arrangements - so many things to balance. First - I could fly from here to Phoenix (one way) on Sunday for only $130. That's a great fare at this late date and it holds the allure of avoiding the long cross-country drive. On the other side, however, is the fact that I'd need to find someplace to keep my car here and although I have options I really don't want it to experience a winter, and I'll probably need to drive it home eventually anyways. Plus, I need to drive it to Washington DC tomorrow so when I leave there I can either drive it back here or start heading west. All in all, I'm leaning towards my original plan of driving it although that's certainly subject to change.

If I drive, I've got two different routes that have been mapped out for me. Mapquest takes me on the more scenic route down I81 to I40 which goes over 1,000 miles across the country - through Tennessee, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, and New Mexico. My AAA Triptik takes me on a more northerly route - taking I70 to I44 which connects with I40 in Oklahoma City. That route would take me through Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Montana, and into Oklahoma. Both seem to be about the same distance. The southerly route seems to be more scenic. Decisions, decisions.

I think I'm going to do a short video of the drive across country: 12 to 15 minutes max. Snippets of the drive. I enjoy doing road trips - really I do. I'd prefer that this one wasn't quite so long but as long as my car behaves we're good.

I'll continue to telecommute to my job here - my project will be going for at least another month and I expect to stay on beyond that. I also expect they'll want to see me here every six weeks or so so it's not like I'm leaving and not coming back. It's just that this won't be "home" for much longer.

I saw some graffiti on a bridge over the canal on one of my recent runs that struck a chord with me so I took a picture of it to share. It seemed so out of place, along the pretty canal walkway, surrounded by greenery, hidden under a picturesque bridge. It seemed more than symbolic to me in more ways than one.

I'll admit that sometimes, it applies. When I think of ignorance and the impact it has. When I think of why things that should be so easy become so hard. When I think of things that seem so obvious seem so invisible to so many. I'd be lying if I were to say that there wasn't a sense of this deep within me that bubbles to the surface every now and again.

It's one of those deeper, animal emotions that we like to think we can control and when it's controlled, perhaps it doesn't exist. I find it far more productive to channel those emotions in productive ways than to wallow in themselves without direction, without outlet, without release.

As I was running and thinking about this word and these emotions it became apparent to me that what others perceive as my activism is, in a large part, the healthy outlet for my deeper anger that things are the way they are. I'm not the kind of person to be swinging at the wind, shouting at the moon, or wallowing in my own self-pity. None of those things achieves anything productive and, more importantly, none lead to happiness.

I own my anger. I acknowledge that it's there - a constant companion. And, I like to think that it provides fuel in the form of motivation and passion in an almost unending supply. It's not that we don't have it. It's what we do with it that counts...

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

2:00pm: I'm back in Rochester and it's a beautiful, crisp, autumn day here. I'm told it was a raw, wet weekend and they actually had their first frost here locally a couple of nights ago. It's a stark contrast to the 90+ degrees I was enjoying back in Phoenix, but I suppose such is the Ying/Yang of my world these days.

Every community seems to have local institutions that are uniquely "home". One of those institutions here is Wegmans and I've talked about this supermarket-thats-more-than-a-supermarket before. I did a major shopping there last week to lug supplies back to Phoenix.

Sometimes these institutions involve food. Another that is near and dear to me is Zweigle's Hot Dogs. The reason I mention that is because there's a hot dog stand on the corner near where I work so I took an opportunity to get out and stretch in the cool midday sun, and stopped for a jumbo white hot. Some would argue that a hot dog isn't a delicacy, but I beg to differ. Top Pot Donuts in Seattle are a delicacy. Zweigle's hot dogs are a delicacy. Chicago Style deep dish pizza from Giordano's is a delicacy. Real Philadelphia-made Philly Cheesesteak sandwiches are a delicacy. Yummmm. To me - it's all in the palate of the observer and this observer's palate certainly appreciates a local flair.

My travels yesterday were pleasantly uneventful. Sudoku puzzles. USA Today (football results, and World Series celebration). Writing some email. Snoozing a little. No problems. It was wonderful to see my sister's smiling face on the other end.

Although I seem to be coming and going as much as I ever have for some reason it doesn't feel as hectic. As I look at my schedule through the end of the year I see all kinds of events that will keep me on the road:

Dates	Where?	What?
Nov. 2	Washington DC	2007 National LGBT Health Conference and Expo. Also, the NGLCC National Dinner
Nov 3-4	Drive to Phoenix?	Roadtrip across America....a true-life TransAmerica.
Nov 14	Dallas TX	HRC Corporate Equality Series event - Gender Identity and Expression Diversity Workshop sponsored by Frito Lay
Nov 17	Dallas TX	Black Tie Dinner
Dec 7	Seattle WA	Snowball 2007 sponsored by Ingersoll Gender Center and the Seattle LGBT Center If you live anywhere near Seattle and can make it, there will be a VIP Party to raise money for Ingersoll that will be fun, as well. Christine Daniels, the sportswriter for the Los Angeles Times, will be among the attendees.

Plus, mom is coming to spend Thanksgiving with me in my new house and Elizabeth is trying to get to Phoenix for a couple of holiday parties in mid December. All in all, the holiday frenzy is almost upon us.

If you've visited my Video Page in the last day or so you'll notice that I put another impromptu video there. Nothing fancy - just my thoughts. I taped it on my back patio on Sunday afternoon. It's about the "TransLives: Our Stories, Our Selves" Project that I explained here on my blog a couple of weeks ago. I'll also be uploading a brief snippet of scenes from a social event at SCC a few weeks ago shortly. Nothing earth shattering - just kinda fun, and great people.

I've been uploading these to YouTube but will probably eventually move them to a dedicated server. I'm also looking to create DVD's that provide extended footage of events, travels, information, people and finding a way to make them available if there is interest. I'll be bringing my little camera to the various events I attend and the places that I go to share some of those experiences. There's a world of opportunity there that I think is important, interesting, and fun.

These are the first steps in this so stay tuned...

Sunday, October 28, 2007

8am: Daylight Savings time was supposed to end today, except the US Energy Policy Act of 2005 apparently takes effect this year and delays it by a week. The clock next to my bed is so smart it thinks it needs to change so it did. Actually, not so smart. First, apparently the policy change didn't get to my clock and second, we don't change time here in AZ anyways.

Lots on my plate today. I'm meeting my son for a late morning breakfast. I'm meeting my friend Laura for a little shopping - she's my movie partner and we were planning to go to the movies but we've both got commitments later in the afternoon so we'll save it for another day. I've got a One-on-One training at the Apple store this afternoon. I'm meeting Dr. Becky, Margaux, Dr. Meltzer, my electrologist Maria, and a couple of other friends for dinner. I need to visit my friend at the hospital. I need to pack because I'm flying back east tomorrow morning. I hope to watch a little football at some point. I need to make enough room in my garage for my car. And, I hope to find someone to help me bring a piece of furniture that's too heavy for me into my bedroom.

I've got a couple of reasons for writing this morning before getting on with the day. One is to share the video created by my friend, Jillian, who took my request to take video of ourselves so we can share our stories to heart. In an email to me this morning she says, "This is a video that came about as I was preparing footage for your 'put a face on transgender people' project. I couldn't resist putting some of the pieces together and posting it." The reason I share it here is because I think it's a fantastic example of what can be done simply by talking. Nothing fancy. Nothing creepy. Human. Honest. And, she's got the prettiest eyes and an awesome smile. :)

Yesterday I shared a song that somehow makes me stop in my tracks and grabs something deep inside. I've got another one. It's on my running mix, and when it comes on I typically listen to it 3 or 4 times in a row. I'm not a religious person (a topic for another day) but I'm spiritually healthy. From a spiritual perspective this song expresses what I'd write in terms of self and God if I could actually write a song. I felt it was particularly appropriate for a Sunday. The name of the song is "In The Sun" and it was originally written by REM but the version that gets to me is a version that lead singer Michael Stipe did with Coldplay on Austin City Limits a couple of years ago. I envision this as a conversation between a person and their deeper self, questioning, confused, full of human frailty, and the fact that we can be lonely but we don't have to be alone. Close your eyes and listen to the words. You'll feel them, and perhaps they'll give you goosebumps the same way they do for me. (Listen here).

Lastly, I hate to bring ENDA into this blog but since I've already shared 2 YouTube clips here I may as well make it 3. Democrat Rep. Anthony Weiner from New York spoke on the House Floor about a fully-inclusive ENDA last week and it's important to hear his words. He said:

If we’re going to make a symbolic stand the symbolic stand shouldn’t be, “Let’s pass a one-house bill with only part of the protections we need.” Let’s let the symbolic message be that we’re sticking together. That when we say GLB T we mean it.

And, we should do something else. We should also make it very clear to those watching this discussion that we’re not going to negotiate against ourselves. We’re not going to say, “Well, if we toss this element or that element off to the side maybe we’ll be able to get what we need.” There are some things that are immutable – some civil rights that are immutable – and this is one of them. We’re going to stick together, pass an inclusive ENDA or we’re going to come back again and do it right.

Amen. We do have friends that truly 'get it'. We need to clone this man and put 212 of the clones in the House of Representatives. He absolutely rocks. In my simplistic view of things he is the antithesis to Barney Frank, and we can argue all day long about whether or not there are the votes to pass a fully-inclusive version but I'll tell you now, if Barney had this kind of a commitment and used his influence to make it happen it would happen. He doesn't, he won't, and so here we are.

When I meet this man I am going to hug him.

Lastly, my sense of humor gets tickled by this ad. It makes me laugh out loud at the end (See it here). See the look on the Bigfoot's face? Too funny. Maybe it's just me...

Anyway, time to go and embrace the day. Onwards and upwards....

Saturday, October 27, 2007

8am: Yesterday was one of those busy days that just seemed to go on and on. I suppose part of it is the fact I'm waking up at 4:45am so I can work on East Coast time, but going to bed on west coast time, so I add 3 extra hours to the day. I know there are only 24 of them to play with on any given day, but they just seem longer lately. That's not a bad thing - it's just a thing.

One of my errands was to stop and visit someone at the hospital who had SRS yesterday. She'll be 70 years old in 3 months, and spent a couple of days staying with me before her surgery. She's doing fine, is in good spirits, and jokes that it's better to get here late than never.

I stopped by the mall. I went to the fitness center and had a nice 5 mile run. I had an appointment with my electrolygist and dear friend Maria. I go back every few months for quick look-over for any stray hairs that might be there. She found 5 of them so we spent more time yapping than zapping. I had an appointment with my hair stylist here in AZ for a color and bit of a trim to "clean things up" (if you're in town and need a stylist call her - she absolutely rocks. contact info here).

I had dinner with one of my favorite men, Steve. I originally met him through HRC. He's on their Board of Governors and is one of the most interesting, fun, classy guys I have ever met in my entire life. The funny comment of the day: he was talking to me and his eyes wandered down to my "girls". He stopped in mid-sentence to comment about them. I smiled and asked him if he liked them. Steve's gay, and if you knew him you'd know how funny his response was: "Well, I'm certainly finding them very intriguing." I've had them called lots of things but I think this is the first time anyone described them as "intriguing". To funny. Steve is my kind of guy.

Anyway, it didn't take long for the conversation to turn to ENDA, HRC, me, the bigger picture, and what happens next? These conversations seem to be much more productive when there is alcohol involved. I still believe the non-inclusive ENDA will pass, and I freely admit I'm significantly conflicted in how I feel about that. Still, nothing I do or say will have an effect on the outcome at this point, unless of course I become a member of Congress really quickly. I've done what I felt I had to do. I'm comfortable with my decisions. I continue to be disappointed in many things that I've learned throughout all this. And, I agree that there needs to be an "after" strategy that will result in the ultimate passage of fully-inclusive ENDA.

Whether anyone wants to like it, or agree with it, or even accept it - HRC will play a major role in that unless and until something else comes along. That's just one of the realities of life in Washington right now. There isn't anyone internally there at the moment - on the Board or on staff - to provide guidance and direction on this so they'll need to get someone or engage someone who can then engage others. Given the temperature of the situation right now there will need to be some serious discussion and commitment.

There needs to be a well-planned, well-managed, multi-phase effort to educate on trans issues. This needs to be part of the budgeting process so the commitment isn't simply there in terms of promises, but it's there in terms of allocated money and resources too. In fact, I'd argue that people need to be allowed to donate money specifically to the Trans Education Program so money given for that is only used for that. That would be a worthwhile investment. Major donors need to step up. Board members need to step up. The commitment to rebuild the bridges and to move forward needs to come from everyone - not simply the organization leadership.

One of the things the board co-chairs asked of me before the ENDA mess blew up was to help them bring at least one more transperson onto the Board during my time there. I followed up on that earlier this week and I made a recommendation to them of someone I think would be a very good replacement for me on their board. I haven't heard anything back, which in a way I suppose isn't surprising but in another way it is. I expect more than that, and they'll be getting a follow-up letter from me today or tomorrow asking for at least an acknowledgement of receipt.

I expect to be back in Washington DC at the end of next week. I'm also on the board of the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce and our National Dinner is on Friday. The following day we're co-sponsoring the first annual GLBT Health Symposium in partnership with HRC. I don't know that I'll be involved in anything other than enjoying the dinner but the point is that everything is connected.

For me, things will never go back to being the same as they were: between me and HRC, me and politics, me and activism in general. It reminds me of coming out and starting to transition. You can always decide to go back, that you've decided for one reason or another to retreat to your original starting point. The key, though, is that the life you had before you shared your "news" is gone so the life you return to is different from the one you left. That's how this is. No matter how things unfold in coming weeks and months things have been changed and although relationships can perhaps be rebuilt they'll be different than they were before. Better or worse? I suppose that depends on the outcomes, and expectations for the level of trust involved. My days of being responsible to establish and defend policy for the organization are over.

Speaking of "being over", SI.com is featuring what they have decided are the "Top 10 Cities in a Sports Slump". Their number one slump city is Philadelphia. Number two is Atlanta. Number 3 is a city near and dear to me: Buffalo (see their assessment here). Being a Buffalo sports fan certainly prepares you for disappointment and frustration in life. Sigh. I keep trying to tell people that it's not a choice or a lifestyle. I'd change it if I could but I just can't help it. Maybe I was born this way....

One thing I'll share before I go is that my friend, Michelle Angelo (a psychologist from the Philadelphia area), is teaching a university class about transgender. Apparently, these are future therapists so she's trying to help them become knowledgeable of all the many facets involved in working with the transgender community. She's using my book, and Jamison Green's book, and I think Jenny Boylan's book, as required reading and asked each of us to provide a short video clip talking about our experience and perhaps some learnings that we gained from working with our therapists. I've had a couple of months to do this but life gets to speeding along and it never got done. She called me yesterday and told me she needs it by this morning as today is the day she's going to show them to her class. There is no more time to delay. So, after I got home from dinner with Steve last night I recorded a crude little something for her to use.

I didn't know how to get it to her in a timely way so I posted it on YouTube. I don't expect that I'll keep it there for very long but it's there for now and I'll hesitatingly share the link for those who want to see. I expect to be doing much more video in the coming weeks and my standards for video are much higher than reflected in this clip. Still, I've started a page for my videos that will work for now - there are no links to it anywhere other than right here (Donna's Videos) for the moment. We'll see how it goes..

While on the topic of YouTube, in past blog entries I've mentioned that I bought a DVD titled "An Evening With the Dixie Chicks". There's a song on there that gives me goose bumps every time I hear it. I don't know why it strikes such a deep nerve in me but it does. It's titled "Traveling Soldier " (see it here). It's some combination of the music, the lyrics and my own deeper needs I think. Sometimes I suppose I feel like a traveling soldier and I can appreciate the loneliness that this young kid is feeling, and the appreciation he feels for the kindness of the girl in the song. Anyway, whether you perceive the Dixie Chicks as "country" music and perhaps you don't think you like country music - this song transcends type and somehow hits home.

Time to get back to unpacking. I've only got these next couple of days before I head back East again and I've got a long list of things to do.

Friday, October 26, 2007

7:30am: It's still early here, but it seems like half the day is gone. I've been setting my alarm for 4:50am so I can be dialed into work by 8am ET (5am locally) so by the time it's a half decent hour of the morning here it's already lunchtime by my work clock. It makes for extra long days, starting on east coast time but going to bed on west coast time. That's not a complaint so much as an observation. Lord knows I've got enough stuff to fill all that time.

My training at the Apple Store yesterday was typically great. So much to learn. So many creativity options. I'm like a kid in a candy store. The upgrade to the Apple OS is out today and I'll get that sometime in the next couple of weeks. I was joking with a couple of the other people in the class that when Windows Vista came out I decided that I have no intention of upgrading from XP for as long as I can hold out. Anyway, it was a good session.

The moon last night was incredible. As I drove to meet Maria for dinner the sun was low in the sky, casting a reddish low over things and the moon was a big, round, full, bright ball low in the sky. Amazing.

HRC has arranged a meeting for today titled "Trans-action steps". They invited what looks to be 25 or so transpeople who are in some way involved with the organization - volunteer, steering committee, etc. - or are trans-activists. The goal is to provide an update on ENDA, and to begin a dialogue on where things go from here. Although I received the invitation and think that this needs to happen sooner or later I'm not at a point where I'd feel comfortable participating. I won't be there. If all goes according to my day plan I'll be on a treadmill while it's happening.

Speaking of HRC, I've had a few people approach me to ask about their financial support for the organization. They've donated in the past and want to know if they should continue at those same levels or at all and, if not, where else their money would do the most good. I'm certainly in no position to tell people how to spend their money so anything I say is just my own personal opinion. Each of us needs to do what each of us needs to do.

One friend called and used a phrase that I liked. She said she was a "non-trivial donor" - meaning she gave them significant financial support - and was rethinking that. I've had people write to me telling me that they contacted HRC and told them they want their membership dollars back.

That said, one of the reasons I felt compelled to resign from the board is that I refuse to contribute financially to an organization when I question whether that organization has my own best interests, and the best interests of people like me, at heart. There are any number of ways people can contribute: time, energy, ideas, connections. But when it comes to money - I just can't do it given what has happened. I can't go to a dinner and ask people to give money, and if I can't (or won't) do that then I certainly wouldn't go to friends and peers and suggest that they give, either. When it comes to politics you speak with your vote. When it comes to non-profit advocacy you speak with your donation dollars. It all comes down to dollars.

The difficult part of the equation with HRC, as I've mentioned in the past, is that it's really 2 organizations in one. There's the political side - the PAC - which is the part that people tend to think about when they discuss the organization. However, the other side of the equation is the HRC Foundation which is where most of their education and advocacy work happens. The Workplace Project. The Religion and Faith Project. The Coming Out Project. The Diversity budget. All the reasons that I got involved there in the first place live on the Foundation side. As a Business Council we met on that Monday before the ENDA board meeting and made a strong recommendation to the board. It was not followed.

The biggest tragedy of all would be for the mess with HRC and ENDA to cause people to get soured about advocacy and to stop donating altogether. If people want specific recommendations of other places where their donations would make a difference: GLAAD is working on a transgender program for media awareness that I'll have more details to share shortly (donations there help my Board obligation so if you do give please mention me). NCTE, The Task Force, PFLAG - all do specific things it's important that they remain financially healthy. Follow your passions and spread the wealth if you can. It all helps. I'll probably post a page highlighting each of the national organizations - what they do, who they serve, their record on Trans issues - at some point soon to help people make decisions.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

12:30pm: I'm mixing work with unpacking. Little by little, box by box, things are finally getting settled around here. I made a promise to myself to go through every single box - even the ones that had been in my garage over these past 3 years - and to throw out what I didn't need. Of course, logic would tell you that if you haven't used something for 3 years you probably don't need it but need is a very fluid concept for me at the moment.

I've made a couple of minor adjustments to this page. I changed the links at the top of the page a little. I added photos to my Blog Photo page from my autumn adventures in and around Rochester last week. I'll be uploading them to Flickr at some point when I have time to polish them a little but these photos are just the way they came out of the camera - only smaller.

Several months ago I was given an alumni award from my Alma Mater, Syracuse University. While I was there I inquired about the possibility of getting a new diploma from SU with my new name on it. I changed all my college records way back when I was just starting out, but I never asked for a new diploma. Anyway, it arrived in the mail the other day and I was very proud to see it. I had forgotten about it and it was a pleasant surprise.

Speaking of forgetting, I did an interview with a writer for a publication called Pink Magazine several months ago. When she first contacted me I thought Pink was some soft-porn magazine or something (it's hard to tell by the name) but she explained that it's a magazine for professional working women. Anyway, she was writing a story about gender bias in the workplace and she realized that transpeople would likely have an interesting perspective on that. Anyway, I met her in Atlanta earlier this year at while I was there for another event so we had a chance to sit down and chat over lunch. Fast forward to yesterday - I got an email from Jillian Weiss that she's in the article, too, and apparently it's out on newsstands now (see the description here). I'll have to go and buy a copy or two - I think they have them at Barnes and Noble. Jillian seems pleased with the way it came out so I'm not too worried. Plus, I don't know if anyone actually reads it.

That's the kind of cultural integration I'm hopeful we'll be seeing more of. Mainstream publications and outlets talking to us about typically human experience, just from a unique perspective. Frankly, I'm waiting for Oprah to do that one of these days.

Speaking of Oprah - a friend called and asked me if I knew anyone who had recorded either of the Oprah episodes dealing with trans issues last month. If anyone did, or knows of a way to see them, please let me know and I'll pass the information along.

I signed up for a class at the Apple store this afternoon. It's a class on making "movies" with iMovie, one of the video editing programs that's part of the new iLife07 suite. Every time I go to that friggin' store I come away jazzed. I'm already looking forward to spending an hour there. While I'm at the mall I'm going to see if there's anyplace I'd want to spend some time as Christmas help. I'm serious about finding a job for the holidays - not for the extra money so much as the extra social interaction and the extra time doing something different.

Speaking of something different, my digital cable package here in the new house includes Logo, the GLBT network from MTV (I don't see much T on there and they don't seem receptive to help that would change that, but that's another topic for another day). It's channel 159. The next channel after that is the NFL Network, all football all the time. It's channel 162 and I'll admit that I spend time there. How funny is that? Can you imagine beer soaked football fans inching their way up the channels to find the NFL Network and having to stop at Logo on their way there? For instance, tonight at 6 people can watch "Same Sex America" on Logo at the same time that Football Follies is on the NFL Network. I don't know if anyone else finds that as humorous as I do. Oh well....

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

10:00am: I can't believe the scenes I'm seeing out of Southern California. It's like Dante's Inferno come to the real world. Unbelievable doesn't seem to be strong enough of a word to explain what is happening, and my heart goes out to everyone affected by this monstrously huge tragedy. I'm watching a story on CNN about a family of "refugees" that fled with horses, cats, birds - it's almost like a modern-day Noah's Arc. Can you imagine experiencing something like this?? I can't.

One friend lives in Poway which seems to be pretty much ground-zero for one of these fires. She's retired - ironically from the fire department there - and is still living in the same house she grew up in. She's out of town this week - in Seattle because she got tickets to the HRC dinner there - the one that I was supposed to speak at but got un-invited from this past Saturday. She was one of several friends who went to the dinner and said they were pleasantly surprised at the support they received.

Anyway, all this somehow looses any sense if importance knowing that her neighborhood has been evacuated, and questioning whether or not she's even got a house to return to. Please keep her, and the hundreds of people like her, in your thoughts and prayers.

Most of the scenes I'm seeing are scenes of support - strangers helping strangers. I'm seeing altruism at its best, and people who have nothing but the clothes they're wearing are finding some sense of support in their grief. One reported described the scene at Qualcomm stadium as an "Unbelievably well-organized orchestrated machine". Churches, businesses, the military, ordinary people - everyone is pitching in. Low income, high income. Black, white, Latino. She said you an get everything from food, to support, to yoga classes, to medical attention, to acupuncture - it's amazing.

When asked why this is different from Katrina - a comparison you know is inevitable - the answer was immediate and obvious. Leadership. That's a word near and dear to me lately, and I couldn't agree more. Effective leadership has made a huge difference in turning what could have been even more tragic into something that at least provides hope. Are you as surprised that there haven't been dozens of deaths from this as I am? Based on the fact that many people had only minutes to collect their most treasured belongings and get out as fire exploded all around them I'm just amazed.

Oddly, part of me wonders when the tide is going to turn. At some point the finger pointing will start. Why did this happen? Who didn't do what? Who should have been doing what but didn't? Why did things take so long? Stories of price gauging and scams will start to emerge - you'll see. I can only begin to imagine what the fallout will look like. In the days following 9-11 there was a tremendous sense of community. That didn't last long. It eventually faded.

I hope I'm wrong. I've seen nothing but heroes - ordinary people forced to do extraordinary things. But experience tells me that the other shoe will drop.

The reverberations of this will continue for years. Every time there's a mudslide in CA we get an influx of people moving into Arizona because there are people who just can't take anymore. How many people will leave? Where will they go? What will rebuilding look like? These next months and years will look far different for many than they did just a week ago.

I just re-read this entry and one word pops out to me. I used it several times, but it's the best word to describe how I'm feeling as I watch all this. It's simply amazing.

One thing that I think things like this does is it forces each of us to consider the things in our lives and to re-visit our priorities. It's natural to put yourself in the position of any of these victims, and I'm certainly going through that process. I'm nearing a natural break-point in my world so I would have been doing something like that anyways. This just forces it in a deeper, more urgent way.

The thing that is far too apparent to me is that my life is out of balance in that I'm got too much "activist" and not enough living going on. I'm very seriously considering getting a part-time job over the holidays - someplace where I can go to just be Donna. As Donna. Someplace to socialize, and meet people, and to break free from some of my constraints. Stay tuned on that - it will happen

I'm seriously looking at my needs in terms of a relationship and making some moves to address those needs.

I've got other decisions to make, as well. Same old, same old isn't good enough, good enough.

A couple of quick updates before I go. I brought my car in to get some things fixed and felt fortunate to walk out only $400 lighter. It put a crimp in my budget, but my car's health is a critical investment. Also, my mom will be coming to Phoenix to see my new house and spend Thanksgiving with me. I'm sure I'll have more to say on that in coming days, as well.

Monday, October 22, 2007

9:00pm: Actually, the clock on my computer says it's 12:08am. I'm in Arizona, living in an interesting sort of "time-warp" where I'm online and working remotely by 8am ET (5am here) but in the evenings I tend to live by Arizona time. Tonight I made myself a nice dinner - the first one in quite a while, actually. I was thinking back to when I transitioned I made it a point to make nice dinners (with wine!) on a regular basis. It was the most civilized part of my days. Over the past couple of years I've gotten away from that. I need to make it a priority.

It's not easy cooking for one, or I should say it's easy to rationalize reasons not to do it. I made Rigatoni and sauce tonight, with Italian Sausage, and it took me almost an hour to cook everything up. Then, it took me 20 minutes to clean up. A by-product, of course, is that I've got left overs to last me for the rest of the week.

This past weekend was the absolutely perfect way to celebrate autumn, and if there was a reason that I wanted to come back to Rochester for these past 10 weeks - this was it. On Saturday my sister and I decided to spend a day enjoying autumn together so we headed south of Rochester to go to some wineries in the Finger Lakes. We never made it that far. The colors in the southern tier were some of the most amazing either of us had ever seen, and we spent hours riding back roads "oohing" and "aahhing" and "wowing" around every corner. I rarely use the word "magical" - this was magical. I took photos - I doubt they'll do the colors, the magic, justice. That's ok. I won't forget it.

I got up early on Sunday morning - it was going to be unseasonably warm and sunny and I wanted to spend a little time at one of the local ponds. There's a pretty little park called "Mendon Ponds Park" that's got some beautiful trails around unspoiled waterways. I specifically wanted to spend some time at 100 Acre Pond (a winter photo of it here, and another one here). I got there shortly after sunrise and the water was as smooth as glass. With the autumn colors in the background - I can't wait to see the photos I took. It truly took my breath away.

I'll have some photos online shortly. As I say - I hope they do the wonder of the weekend justice. I could only stay at the pond for on hour and half before I had to get going to make my noontime flight.

There have been a couple of interesting articles in the news this week. In one, Harry Potter J.K. Rowling said that Professor Dumbledore is gay. It has elicited some very strong responses (read an interesting overview here). Believe it or not, this is BIG news, and one of the by-products is that it provides the kind of odd social legitimacy that transgender people can hope to enjoy one day. Still, there are a number of people expressing outrage, anger, and even doubt. Let's not forget that we're talking about fictional characters here, right?

Wow. We really did not see that coming. It's exciting, isn't it?

According to the Globe and Mail, which calls this "the biggest outing in the entertainment industry since Ellen DeGeneres," fans have so far reacted positively.

Cultural conservatives are, naturally, horrified, but (1) good luck with a boycott and (2) they have no one to blame but themselves. Since the death of Jerry Falwell, they've been asleep at the wheel when it comes to casting aspersions on the inner lives of fictional characters like Tinky Winky. And now Rowling herself has beaten them to the punch!

"Dumbledore's Gay," Says J.K. Rowling

Another thread I've seen says that the White House helped to craft the language of ENDA which is leading to all kinds of conspiracy theories. Read an article on it here, and another here. The GLBT community isn't the only group that is interested in what is happening. Most have been operating under the assumption that the President would provide the coup de gras in the unlikely event that the bill comes to his desk. What if that weren't so? Anyway, it's interesting to ready a different perspective.

The proposal, for which homosexual and transsexual activists are crusading, "has tremendous potential to criminalize Christianity in the United States by creating federal 'rights' based on wrong and destructive lifestyle," he said. The plan was approved just days ago by the House Education and Labor Committee and is headed for a House floor vote.

White House helped craft 'gay'/transsexual rights bill

Criminalize Christianity? Are you kidding me?

The action alerts have been coming fast and furious - telling people to call their representatives in Washington and be sure they vote for the Baldwin Amendment. I got an HRC message today saying: "Even as the House is poised to act on ENDA, our right wing opponents have ratcheted up their activities opposing the bill. Members’ offices are beginning to be flooded with demands that ENDA be voted down." I suspect they're right. "The "Family Values" groups have been sending similar action alerts, but with a much different message (see one here, another here).

Concerned Women for America sent the following e-mail memo to all members of Congress on Monday:

"Signing this pledge will commit you to hiring and retaining in your office transvestites (people who dress as if they were members of the opposite sex) and transsexuals (people who have undergone surgical mutilation in order to act out a role as a member of the opposite sex).

Ultimately, your signature on this pledge will be used to advance the legislative goal of requiring all employers to hire and retain transvestites and transsexuals or face lawsuits for employment discrimination.

This is not the way to healing and health for troubled individuals. Creating new “rights” for those trapped in disordered behavior serves to discourage them from seeking the help they need. "

CWA Opposes Men in Dresses Lobbying Congressmen for ‘Gender’ Rights

Ironically, if the likely event that the Baldwin Amendment is not added to the version of ENDA that came out of committee last week the people who have been pressuring Congress to defeat ENDA based on all these "Family Values" will be on the same side of the vote as most GLBT advocacy groups in this country. How's that for strange bed-fellows?

One last observation on the HRC note I received today:

HRC is working in conjunction with the Leadership Conference on Civil Rights and other groups, including the groups in United ENDA, to lobby Members to vote for the Baldwin Amendment. As part of this effort, HRC’s lobbying team is reaching out to Member offices and directly to Members. HRC’s field team is generating another round of grassroots action to support this final effort to secure the votes for an inclusive bill.... How Members of Congress vote on the Baldwin Amendment will be reflected on our HRC Congressional Scorecard.

That last sentence is news to me. Ever since the board vote I've heard Joe explain time and again why HRC couldn't oppose the bill, using the rationale of the Congressional Scorecard (read an extended version of Joe's remarks here) and the difficulty of penalizing a congressional ally for a pro-gay vote on a non-inclusive bill. This implies that it will actually be scored somehow? Now I'm even more confused than ever.

Time for bed. The East Coast clock on my computer says 2:12am. I'll need to be online and working before you know it...

Friday, October 19, 2007

7:00pm: If things hadn't changed for me in recent weeks I'd be in a plane right now, flying across country to Seattle to speak at the HRC dinner there. I spoke there last year and met some wonderful people, and they specifically asked if I'd come back again this year. I don't think it would be wise to put a microphone in front of me at an HRC fundraiser right now. So, I've reclaimed my weekend.

My plans for the next few weks are coming more into focus. Instead of driving to Phoenix this time I'm flying - leaving on Sunday and staying there for a week. I've got enough frequent flyer miles to make it happen so I did and the arrangements are all set. I need to be back on the east coast the week of Nov. 2 so I've got to come back anyway. I'm attending the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce Dinner in Washington DC that night so that might be my opportunity to drive - stopping there on my way before continuing across country. We'll see how that unfolds. The downside is that according to Mapquest it's actually farther from Washington DC to Phoenix than it is from Rochester to Phoenix - sounds odd, I know. Plus, there's the extra 400 miles from here to there. Anyway, there's still time to figure this out. If you live in the Washington DC/Virginia/Maryland area and want to attend the dinner there are details here. The next day they're co-sponsoring a GLBT Health Conference if you want to stay around for that, as well.

Speaking of conferences, I participated in the Equality Leadership Conference here in Rochester at the Convention Center today (see photo at left). I was asked to fill-in for the keynote speaker who had to cancel at the last minute - my sister even came out for the event. I don't think she has seen me speak since my earliest days as a budding activist. Anyway, it was a wonderful group and I was pleased with how things went. I can't thank everyone who attended enough for making me feel so welcome. I had a blast.

Tomorrow is a "down" day for me. I need it. I'll get out early in hopes of spending as much of the day doing "autumn" things as I can. This will probably be the last really nice weekend here before things turn much more seasonable. Even though I've had quite a bit of traveling on my plate since arriving here in mid-August I think I've done a pretty good job of accomplishing what I came here for. Time passes, things change, and then it's time to move on. That's how I'm starting to feel.

Sometimes I wish I had a partner in all of this. I'm starting to miss that - more than I think I'll allow myself to admit. That's the biggest hole in my life right now - not the politics, or the advocacy, or the career, or the finances. Those things seem to balance out pretty well. It's the deeper connection with someone who has the same passions, the same drive, the strength to share the load, the sense of self that allows you to do your own thing but that also embraces you when you come back home.

I won't say that I'm lonesome, or lonely, as that's not really it, I don't think. Maybe it's that I'm just looking for someone to share with. Life. Happiness. Sadness. Future. Burden. I said it before and I'll say it again - if I've met that person then I haven't realized it yet. It's a tall order, I know, but such is life. I'll just need to make it more of a priority.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

11:00pm: I've been wallowing in nostalgia all this week, even with stuff I'd prefer not to do. For example, I went to see my dentist yesterday - he's been my dentist for over 20 years. He's my sister's dentist. When my mom comes to visit from Dallas she goes to see him. He was my father's dentist. When I first started going to him a lifetime ago we were both in our mid-20's and we had lots to talk about. Oddly - we still have lots to talk about. He's a really nice guy and he's in charge of my teeth. I don't expect that will change, no matter where I go.

The same is true of my hair stylist, Christopher. I've known him longer than I've known my dentist - longer than I've known my son, for that matter. I used to follow him as he went from salon to salon around Rochester. Now he owns his own salon and it's fun to go back and see him, especially since my "change". He mentioned yesterday that it felt almost like I'd never gone away. He's right. Old friendships are like that. As he was cutting he mentioned that the hair on the top of my head had thinned a bit since my last visit a few weeks ago and attributed it to "stress". I haven't felt stressed in the typical sense - certainly there has been quite a bit going on but I don't know that the two are related. Oh well.

I weighed myself and found that I've lost ten pounds in the past month. Part of it is probably that I've been exercising regularly and am feeling pretty good about that. I'm in good shape right now. Another part of it is probably due to the fact that I just haven't felt hungry lately so I sometimes go an entire day without eating much - not on purpose but just because. The good news is that I fit in a pant size that I don't know that I've ever fit in before. The bad news is that I don't like getting too thin so I'll be making extra sure not to let it go much further.

I have visited many of my favorite local autumn places over these past few days. I visited the tepees at Powers Farmers Market (photo below), and watched all the kids selecting their pumpkins. I remember when my son was that age, doing that. I went to Wegman's, the hometown grocery store that I've mentioned before, and was amused to see that they've already got their Christmas displays up (photo below of that, too). It's not even November yet, and the weather forecast says it's going to be 80 degrees by Monday! Before you know it they'll be putting up the Christmas stuff right after Labor Day. You watch...

I went for a pleasant run along the canal a couple of nights ago. It's very pretty in the autumn in the evenings, and I'm posting a couple of photos to show what it looks like. I think I'll have one more opportunity to do that before I leave. That time is coming very soon...

		<< These 2 photos are from along my running route on the canal path between Pittsford and Bushnell's Basin. It's a very pretty run...
		<< The photo on the left is of the Christmas decorations in Wegmans. The photo on the right is of the pumpkins and tepees at Powers Farmers Market.

I went to Best Buy yesterday and bought a new Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers multi-DVD set directed by Peter Bogdanovich. I'm a Tom Petty fan from way back and I'm looking forward to this. I also bought one of my favorite Disney movies that was just re-released on DVD, Jungle Book. I still remember seeing it in the theater as a child. As I mentioned at the outset - I'm wallowing in nostalgia this week..

I'm also mentally preparing to disconnect. I'll be heading back to Phoenix sometime in the next couple of weeks - haven't worked out the details yet. I might drive, which is a 2300 mile road trip that I've done a couple of times before. I've got a car here, and I have any number of options to leave it so I'll have something to drive when I come back here but the fact of the matter is that I really enjoy the car and I don't want to put it through a full winter here. Plus, I've got more "stuff" here than will fit into a couple of suitcases, including a bicycle, so in a way it makes sense to drive home with it all. Anyway, I've got a little time to figure that out. Logistics aside, the mental effort of re-focusing back in Phoenix will take a little effort. And time. I've already started to do that.

My sister and I went out for dinner tonight - just the two of us - and had a wonderful time. I'll miss that. I'm scheduled to be the keynote speaker at an event here in Rochester at the Convention Center tomorrow and I think she'll come to see that. It's nice to have family there to be with you - it really is.

When I get back to Phoenix I'll have to spend some quality "me" time. The September/October stretch has been fuller than full so I'm very much looking forward to having my time back for a little while. Like this weekend - I'm planning to visit some wineries in the Finger Lakes, to stroll and take photos in Mendon Ponds Park, and to generally enjoy what will probably be my last relaxing weekend here. No plans yet - just going with the flow. I might even sleep in for a morning or two! What a concept.

I've also got some relationship decisions to make. These things are more fun to do with someone than alone. Now that I'll have some time I'll need to make some of those things a priority. All in all, lots of stuff bubbling. As usual.

On the the advocacy front I got something from GLAAD condemning an on-air rant about trans-people by Rush Limbaugh (read it here). I'd love to meet him face-to-face someday. I've got a response that I'd like to deliver in person.

Monday, October 15, 2007

11:00pm: Just a short entry tonight...

People sometimes ask what happens at a board meeting. Here's a picture to show you. Generally, we sit around a big table and work through business. This particular meeting included presentations on the budget (we were asked to approve it), program updates, various formalities, an Executive Session open only to board members, and the President's update. The days are very full - from 8 in the morning to 5 in the afternoon, often followed by some type of a reception or event.

Our next GLAAD board meetings will be in Las Vegas in February. We're starting discussion on a trans project that I think will be very exciting. More to come on that.

Also, GLAAD has award dinners in several cities each year. I'm hoping to attend the events in NYC and Los Angeles in 2008. If anyone wants to sit with me in either of these cities perhaps we can get enough people to fill a table. Let me know if you're interested as I'll need to reserve the table sooner rather than later.

The drive home was pretty and uneventful, other than the fact that I missed an exit and spent a half hour trying to get back. I took some photos from along the way and am offering them on my Blog Photo Page for those who are interested in sitting up front with me in a cyber kind of way...

Saturday, October 13, 2007

9:30pm: I lay down late this afternoon after getting back to my hotel room following the GLAAD board meeting and fell asleep. I just woke up a little while ago and realize I've missed a fund-raiser they had scheduled for tonight. Lord knows, I needed the rest.

It's a mild evening here in NYC so I decided to go for a little walk to enjoy autumn a little and to get some fresh air. I started walking down Broadway towards Times Square and felt compelled to take a few photos. I'll call this little collage "An Evening Stroll Down Broadway". (see the photos on my Donna's Blog Photos page)

I was planning to grab one of those 4-inch high Pastrami sandwiches at one of the Deli's along the way for dinner until I saw that they cost upwards of $12. I don't want one quite that much.

One of the words that has been coming up quite a bit over the course of the past couple of weeks is 'Education'. They're saying that we haven't done enough 'education' on trans lives and trans issues at this point, which is why we don't have the votes to pass the inclusive ENDA. I received an email that I think makes an important point:

"As far as education goes, look at what we have given the country. There have been countless documentaries on TV as you very well know. How about all the books that have been written, especially first person autobiographies. Then there are the talk shows, some good some not so good, still education. What about all that is on the Internet? If all these Congress people cannot see all this, then we need others to lead us in this country. This is so simple. They use education as an excuse to leave a group of people out. I don't recall any education on homosexuality or race issues, just programs on the TV, not documentaries, and articles about people doing illegal acts in the paper."

Very true. In one sense, I find 'education' to be one of those excuses that we can't get past. How do you know when it's done? How do you know you've done enough? When you have enough 'votes'? When other people accept you enough? Because other people can't or won't accept it's somehow becomes your fault for not doing enough 'education'? I think not. "Education" is often a smokescreen for what's really going on, which is that people can't or won't get past their own discomforts/prejudices and they're looking for something to blame for that. We're easy targets.

Sill, educating people about ourselves is an ongoing process. The kind of education we're talking about is a deeper kind of education to the point that I wish we had a different word for it. In the typical sense to educate is to teach. We're not necessarily teaching. We're familiarizing. We're humanizing. We're sharing - openly and honestly. One on one, person to person. Educating? I suppose. But if I could make up a new word for it I'd say we're Authenticizing. We need to authenticize ourselves to others. Then maybe we won't have to argue that we deserve basic rights that other people have, like a job. Then maybe we wouldn't have to deal with the indignities that come with being forced to fitting into other people's boxes.

I've got Board Meetings - Part 2 tomorrow morning until a little before noon, and then I'll hit the road back to Rochester (that is, if I can find my way to the Lincoln Tunnel in this maze of one way streets named Manhattan). I hope the weather is decent for my drive - I see that they're having heavy rain up through Cortland and Syracuse tonight. I looked at my schedule for the next couple of months, deleted all my HRC obligations, and I was pleased to see that I've only got one more weekend actually spoken for thru the end of the year. That's amazing. Next, I'll turn my attention to doing what I need to do to get back home to Phoenix. I need to find my way back home...

Friday, October 12, 2007

11:15pm: I'm in Manhattan and I have one question on my mind. How does anyone live in this town? I see why they call it the town that never sleeps. I'm sitting in my hotel room, thankful that (a) I found this place, buried deep in Manhattan (b) my car isn't dented or otherwise injured and (c) I haven't been robbed yet. It's nuts! I can see Times Square a little ways down the street from where I'm staying but I have no intention to make my way there. It looks like Disneyland at night, or Las Vegas "plus". This is a nice room so I'll have a nice time decompressing and chilling before trying to get a few hours of sleep.

4:30pm: Has another week one by already? Where or where has it gone? As I reflect on the last couple of weeks - 2 weeks ago in Washington DC for Out and Equal when the ENDA mess blew up and last week back in DC for the HRC Board Meeting it feels as though everything that has been happening has been a dream. Or, a nightmare.

I will be back on the road today, driving from upstate NY to Manhattan for the GLAAD board meeting. There is a pre-meeting reception tonight that I won't be able to make because I've got something that I can't afford to take for granted - a job - so I won't be able to start the 340 mile drive until late this afternoon. The weather last night was wet and a bit raw here - typical autumn weather - but the forecast for the next few days is relatively calm and cool so it should make for pleasant driving.

I'm not a New York city kind of person, although I'll admit that my last couple of trips there have been ok. Our meetings will be across from Central Park but I doubt there will be any free time to go exploring - they keep us pretty busy at these meetings. Drive down tonight, meetings tomorrow, drive home Sunday morning.

I do want to share a couple of things today. One, I think, is particularly important.

As a follow-up to my discussion yesterday about the need to education others about ourselves and how critical that effort will be on an ongoing basis I'm planning to begin something I'm calling it "The TranSelf Project: Our Lives, Our Selves" (or TLP, for those of us who are techie like meand need acronyms). I am inviting people from around the country to provide video of themselves and the people in their lives, telling their story. Tell me how you feel, what you think, how you're doing. Share your struggle. What have you lost, what has disappointed you most, what has hurt you? On the other hand share what you've gained, your perspective on yourself and your gender. All in all, this is free form so there is no fixed format. There is no "right" way to do this. Take all the time you need. Share your story, your life, the people in your world, and how you're feeling.

HRC has launched a similar effort as part of their "Coming Out Project". But as long as we allow others to tell our stories we find ourselves dependent, and the fact of the matter is that nobody can tell our stories better than we can. We need to own that, and that process starts now. I know a doctor who lives in North Carolina whose wife has stayed with her during transition, who was forced to leave her church, who was forced out of the medical practice that she helped to establish only to move across town and start all over again. I know someone in Dallas who was outed by a friend at work and showed up the next day and was told that she was no longer welcome at the company, despite a 12-year history of excellence there. I know someone in Phoenix who struggled with her gender issues but it wasn't until she was arrested for DUI, sitting in the Tent City jail, that she realized what she had to do. I know of people who are the children of a trans parent who are proud and supportive. I know of spouses who have struggled to accept something they can't begin to understand, and who come to a sense of peace. We need to tell these stories. We need to share them with each other, and with the world.

Watch the HRC video outlining what they're looking for (see it here, note: there isn't a single transgender face there). That's what we're looking for, too. Personal stories. Not necessarily simply of coming out, but of anything you want to share. Your life. Your family. Your job. Your relationships. Your spirituality. Your perspective. Your dreams and your fears. We want whatever you can share. If you go to that Youtube page and click on any of the Video Responses below it you'll see what people are doing. One is here.

Take the video. Use a webcam if that's all you have. You can buy a neat little camera that records video meant for uploading to the web (see one here) for less than $100. Or, use a regular video camera if you've got one. Video quality isn't necessarily important but audio quality makes a huge difference. Be creative. I'll edit them if necessary so don't worry too much about that.

I'm setting up a couple of different ways to get the videos to me. I'll be setting up an ftp site for those who know how that works. Also, I'll be providing a mailing address if you want to burn your video to a CD or send the raw video from your camera. Or, upload it yourself onto Youtube or some other video site and send me the link so I can post it. Don't trash people. Don't be disrespectful of others. But most importantly, be honest.

Our Lives, Our Selves. It will be as successful (or not) as the videos that you provide. I'll provide the hosting. I'll provide the effort to get the videos ready, and to upload them. All you need to do is to share. It's not that sharing our stories makes a big difference - it makes all the difference. I'll have more detail on this as it becomes real, but the time to start thinking about it and working on it is now.

Speaking of sharing our lives, The Oprah Show today is titled Transgender Families (see details here). It's the second of the two shows I mentioned last month. Could it be any more timely??

Next Friday I'll be speaking at the Equality Leadership Conference here in Rochester. I was supposed to leave later that day to speak at the HRC dinner in Seattle but my days of raising money for them are over. The bad news is that I was looking forward to seeing dear friends who live in the Seattle area who made plans to attend specifically because I was going to be there. To them, I'm sorry but we'll have other opportunities to get together. The good news is that I'll have a weekend freeing up. I expect it won't stay free for long. I'm already looking at how to fill it.

BTW: Those here to see new ENDA developments won't find them here. I've created an ENDABlog page to offload all the ENDA stuff that continues to rage. I don't want to turn this blog into a purely political rant so I've been struggling with the fact that so much of it has been consumed by ENDA lately. It makes it seem as though my life is totally consumed by it, when in fact it's not. Today I met with Corporate Auditors who are doing an audit of my project at work. I talked with my son. I got directions on getting to Manhattan. I met with my project team to map out strategy for next week. Those who want to follow those events have any number of options, my ENDABlog page being just one of them.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

"Keep your friends close but your enemies closer"
Sun-Tzu, Chinese General and Military Strategist (~400BC)

After a good night sleep, I realize that them more I think of what Barney Frank is doing the angrier I get. His Blame the Victim campaign, launched from the floor of Congress on Tuesday evening, is nothing short of a narrow-minded smear. It reeks of contempt and prejudice, it provides no sense of awareness of how the GLB and T are actually blended communities, and it sends the message that we somehow haven't suffered enough yet to be included in his bill. It's outrageous, and his second salvo comes today at his press conference.

This is not a dialogue. This is a one-sided conversation from a man with a mission, leveraging his power and position in Congress as a pulpit to preach. I've heard others praise Barney Frank for all the work he's done on behalf of gay rights over the years. Great. Thanks. The problem is that he is clearly still living in the 1980's in terms of his perspective on the broader GLBT community and what we have become. If there's anyone out of touch here it's Barney, and the person who needs to realize that is Barney. But he doesn't, and he won't, and perhaps he can't. That's what scares me, as his misguided efforts threaten to drag us back to a time when trans-people were neither seen nor heard. That's what gets me upset with HRC's stance in all of this. They had the chance to be the voice of the future. Instead, they chose to support the voice of the past.

Don't for a minute think that anyone is taking Barney's escalating offensive sitting down. A press release was issued this morning to address Barney's contention that the push for full inclusion is coming from a small, out-of-touch, minority. I'm told that it will be distributed at Barney's press conference this morning in an effort to set the record straight.

Press Releases

Nearly 300 Organizations From Across the Nation Unite to Press Congress to Secure Transgender-Inclusive Employment Nondiscrimination Legislation
10-10-2007 10:05:00 PM

WASHINGTON, Oct. 10 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ -- Nearly 300 organizations from throughout the nation -- and representing the full scope and breadth of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community -- have launched a vigorous and vocal united lobbying and advocacy campaign to win passage of a fully inclusive Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), H.R. 2015. Called United ENDA, the campaign builds off the past week's unprecedented efforts by legal groups, political organizations, grassroots activists and many others to maintain protections on the basis of gender identity in ENDA as the measure was originally introduced.

The groups, which include leading legal organizations such as Lambda Legal and faith groups such as the Religious Coalition for Equality, have signed a joint letter to Congress objecting to a diminished bill that abandons transgender people. These organizations, in an ever-expanding list, comprise United ENDA. As a result of letter and direct lobbying by staff from LGBT organizations and constituents, a scheduled House committee hearing on a version of ENDA that strips protections for transgender people was postponed last week.

United ENDA groups are coordinating lobbying and communicating daily to keep pressure on Congress. In the past week alone, thousands of constituents have called or sent e-mails to their U.S. representatives urging them to support a transgender-inclusive ENDA.

Below the listed media resources is additional information, including an update about what United ENDA has accomplished within the last week.

    Media Resources:
    Get background on ENDA.

    Read the letter to Congress signed by nearly 300 organizations.

Read responses and analysis from leading LGBT legal organizations: joint statement from legal groups and additional analysis from Lambda Legal.

Key Facts about United ENDA:

United ENDA was formed officially on Oct. 3 by the 150 organizations that signed a letter urging Congress to only support a transgender-inclusive Employment Non-Discrimination Act. There are now 282 organizations that belong to the United ENDA campaign and the list continues to grow every day.

United ENDA has coordinated a broad campaign to pass the original Employment Non-Discrimination Act (H.R. 2015) with unified protections for all LGBT people and to oppose any amendment or bill that would leave some in our community behind.

Nearly every statewide LGBT advocacy organization has joined United ENDA as well as nearly every national LGBT advocacy organization that lobbies members of Congress. Every national LGBT legal group has joined the campaign.

The combined membership of the United ENDA member organizations is at least 1.7 million. (This number only reflects membership data from 120 of the 282 member organizations.)

While United ENDA is a campaign of primarily LGBT-specific organizations, United ENDA is helping to coordinate lobbying strategies with numerous non- LGBT groups who share the goal of passing a trans-inclusive ENDA this Congress, including USAction and its state affiliates, the Young Democrats of America, and the National Organization for Women.

    Key Actions of United ENDA and Member Organizations:

    -- Coordination of Lobby Efforts. United ENDA helps to coordinate the
       lobbying efforts of the member organizations of United ENDA, including
       Hill meetings, keeping track of who is committing to support the bill,
       providing lobby report mechanisms for grassroots lobbyists, and
       maintaining communication with members of Congress who share the
       position of United ENDA.

    -- Action Alerts. Alerts were sent to members of United ENDA organizations
       asking members to call or e-mail members of Congress with the message
       to support H.R. 2015 and oppose any effort to strip protections for
       gender identity from the bill. For a PDF copy of a sampling of alerts,
       contact Roberta Sklar, communications director of the National Gay and
       Lesbian Task Force, at rsklar@theTaskForce.org.

    -- Organizational Coordination. The United ENDA campaign holds daily
       briefing calls to coordinate activity. The United ENDA coalition
       maintains the list of supporting organizations and coordinates the
       delivery of the updated letter to members of Congress supporting H.R.
       2015 and opposing any amendment or bill that would leave some in our
       community behind.

    -- Faith Organizing. United ENDA member organizations and volunteers have
       alerted more than 2,000 pro-LGBT congregations and asked their members
       to take action in support of H.R. 2015, and created flyers for church
       bulletins to engage congregants. The National Religious Leadership
       Roundtable, the Institute for Welcoming Resources and the Bishops and
       Elders Council have all organized faith leaders of multiple
       denominations to weigh in with their members of Congress.

    -- Student Mobilization. United ENDA member organizations have mobilized
       student activists by contacting more than 120 LGBT campus resource
       centers and giving them tools so their students can take action to
       preserve a fully inclusive bill. Through Campus Pride, GLSEN, Campus
       Progress and other organizations, students have coordinated and
       participated in lobby visits at home and in D.C.

    -- Phone Banking. United ENDA volunteers have engaged in phone banking to
       ask members to call their representative using scripts provided by
       United ENDA.

    -- Press/Media Outreach. A number of United ENDA member organizations have
       released press releases stating organizational positions. (Many of
       these statements are available in the previously mentioned PDF.)  An
       audio press conference attended by 30-plus media outlets was held Oct,
       1, the day before the originally scheduled committee mark-up, to
       amplify the messages of the various organizations that have since
       formed United ENDA.

    -- Additional Letters to Members of Congress. United ENDA member
       organizations have also initiated a religious organization sign-on
       letter and a letter from HIV/AIDS organizations has been delivered to
       Congress. A number of statewide organizations have developed state-
       specific sign on letters to their congressional delegations.

    -- Online Activism. United ENDA member organizations have established two
       online petitions and a Facebook group. More than 10,000 people have
       joined or taken action through these sites over the last week. See
       www.nosubstitutes.org developed by National Stonewall Democrats and
       http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/transgender_inclusive_ENDA/
       developed by National Center for Transgender Equality and
       Transgender Law Center.

As much as it pains me to admit it, there's one speck of truth in Barney's entire 60-minute trans-blast from the other evening. He expresses the need for education. Agreed. At some point soon there will need to be a coordinated, strategic, unrelenting, consistent plan for education - not just for members of Congress but nationally in districts around the country. Trans people will need to tell their stories. Trans people need to become "people" instead of simply some abstract concept. We can't simply do town-halls and educational events as the people who already believe will attend and the people who do not won't. It's that simple. We need to begin moving out of whatever transgender "ghetto" we live in and we need to join things, not simply as people but as trans-people. That's no small task for people who have been trying to hide for their entire lives.

To take this conversation to the next level, who do you think has the depth and breadth to actually carry this out? NCTE? As much as I respect and like Mara - they don't have the money, the resources, the connections, or the bandwidth to do something this huge. At least not yet. The Task Force? Perhaps - I'd love it if they could. PFLAG? Maybe. Some coalition of organizations? That might work, but asking for that kind of strategic plan from something that's just forming even as we speak would certainly be asking quite a bit. This effort will require clout, money, presence, legitimacy, direction, money, motivation, visibility, accountability, money, connections and commitment. Who do you think can provide all those things?

There is one obvious answer. HRC. People may not like the answer, and work needs to happen to change it, but I don't see how you can reasonably escape it. Everyone will play a part, I think, but who has the weight to force their way to the front? The good news is that they've got the motivation to make it happen. I have reason to believe that the conversations are already happening internally to establish the groundwork. And it does need to happen. But the difficulty is balancing the feelings of betrayal, hurt, and anger that are festering right now and a longer view of what needs to happen and who can help to make it happen. They will need this effort to be led by trans-leaders, not HRC voices, so the thing that will be happening in the not too distant future is a call to engage the trans community again. You watch. It will happen.

The dilemma we'll all be facing - to help an organization with whom we (me included) have significant trust issues help to educate America about ourselves and our lives in an effort to pass a fully inclusive ENDA, or to let our anger prevent us from participating in an effort that will move forward with or without us. There's more to it, but as I look into my crystal ball for these next few weeks that's what I see.

I feel compelled to share a personal analogy. It's about my relationship with my son.

My son lived with me in Texas during his last two years of high school. He's a stubborn, hard-headed, individualist who really doesn't care all that much what others think about him and, in fact, often goes out of his way to provoke a response (I have no clue where he gets that from). He took it as his personal mission to give a middle-finger to mainstream society that he perceived as judgmental, shallow, hypocritical, and generally bad. He spiked his hair, pierced his tongue, dressed in black, and everything he did made a statement about individuality. One of our bonding opportunities each year was to go to Ozzfest together. I truly respect him for that, as to make those kinds of statements in a culture that wants people to conform (especially in Texas) has consequences.

Anyway, throughout the course of those two years we had a few "incidents". I'd find things that parents would rather not find in their child's possession. Things disappeared. I found out that the things he told me were lies. Things broke with no explanation. He crashed my car saying it was a hit-and-run, when it quickly became apparent that he hit a wall due to bad driving or showboating. Little by little, my trust in what he was telling me was tested and although I wanted to believe the best more often than not I was crushed to learn otherwise. We had some very difficult times and feelings of anger and betrayal became a consistent part of our relationship landscape. Eventually, a couple of significant things happened and the trust was gone.

Now, I love my son. He is part of me and I am part of him. He is family, and I would actually give my life for the little bugger if I needed to. But, I still can't trust him, even to this day. I take what he tells me with a healthy dose of skepticism and doubt. I've learned over time that our relationship works best if neither of us puts ourselves in a position where trust is tested. The idealist in me says that trust is a key component to any meaningful relationship, but the realist in me has learned otherwise. Will my trust ever be rebuilt? Perhaps. We're working on it. Time is a wonderful healer and I have learned the hard way to never say never. But I don't really think about tomorrow right now. I'm still working on today.

I share this because this very same thinking will necessarily be part of the dynamics of our community in coming weeks and months. Trust and faith have been broken. Does that necessarily mean that we can afford to turn our backs on the longer-term view? I think not. What do I think would help this healing? Call me naive, but I still believe than an honest and heartfelt apology is in order. HRC never really answers the question raised by the third "talking point" in their list that I shared yesterday. And although a heart-felt "I'm sorry" doesn't make it all better, it's certainly good place to start.

Whichever version of ENDA is introduced and perhaps gets passed in one House of Congress will merely set the stage for what needs to happen next. Education. My emotional response to this is to get angry and to stay angry. However, my rational response is to take a break, take some deep breaths, to assess the situation, and to move forward. My idealist nature wants to believe that good will eventually come of this and that, at some point in the future, we'll be able to look back upon it as a truly remarkable time. It's hard to see that right now with people like Barney Frank looking to hang the scapegoat horns on the trans community and those who support the larger concept of "community". And, the same as what happens next will be judged in the context of time so too will lost-in-the-past opportunists like Congressman Frank. I'd submit that his legacy may not prove to be what he wants it to be.

Despite my lingering distrust of the press, I spoke with a reporter from Bay Windows earlier this week who did a pretty good job of capturing my sentiments although I would have used a different headline as that's not really what I'm saying. Just as Joe Solmonese has been going out of his way to explain that there's an important distinction between "oppose" and "do not support" there's a big difference between "engage" and "do not totally disengage" (read the story here). Bay Windows also provided a couple of additional perspectives on the ENDA debacle - one from Joe Solmonese at HRC (read it here) and one from other local and national trans activists (read it here). Lastly, they published a comprehensive piece by Monica Roberts titled "A Brief History of the Trans/HRC Schism" that is well worth a read. Friend and nationally recognized sports writer Christine Daniels waded into the toxic waters to provide her perspective (ENDA: We've Only Just Begun). And finally, Vanessa Edwards Foster wrote an interesting article titled "Hero Worship" (read it here).

Enough of that. My brain hurts. On to other things...

Speaking of legacy, I can't let today pass without taking a moment to remind people that today is National Coming Out Day. As this mess brews in Washington, the real message of today is one of authenticity - none of us can afford to forget that. Each of us struggles in our own way to come out as who we are - whatever that might be. I suppose the short view of the day is that it's relegated to GLBT people and certainly we have a significant stake in coming out. But I think that the decision to live openly and authentically or to relent to our fears and confusions is one that every single person faces time and time again over the course of their lives. To come out is to publicly proclaim freedom, and in that context we all have a stake in it.

Courage is truly contagious. If you've been able to come out please offer your courage to others to use, and request that they pass it along when they're done. If you haven't been able to come out know that it's not a personal failing or a flaw. Perhaps it's just not your time yet. It's like a flower that hasn't blossomed yet - the key ingredient isn't desire, it's nurturing and it's time. Seeing others who are living authentically will eventually help you to do whatever it is you need to do.

In the meantime, I challenge each of us to come out to ourselves. That may sound like a contradiction in terms, but each of us needs to truly come out to ourselves before we can realistically come out to others. This is a day more about thought than about action and if that thought leads to action that's great - know that you've got a family of people waiting to support you and welcome you. If not, the simple process of birthing yourself to yourself is a critical step in the process of self-acceptance, and will plant seeds that will eventually ripen and blossom.

To me, THAT is legacy worth leaving.

5pm:

Barney Frank held is press conference earlier this afternoon - read about it here.
As promised, HRC has posted video from the HRC National Dinner. I'm more than glad that I was on plane at the time.
Joe Solmonese's speech
Nancy Pelosi's speech
Rebecca Romijn and Michael Urie (BTW: the pin she's wearing says "Trans and Proud")
There's also video of the protest outside.

Did I mention that my brain hurts??!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

My ENDA thought for the day: If Congressman Barney Frank put half as much effort in getting the fully inclusive version of ENDA passed as he is spending on trying NOT to pass it, it'd actually have a chance.

He gave a speech on C-SPAN last night about ENDA and it was horribly bad but very revealing. He has started his effort to make the trans-community look like the bad guy in all of this. He is trying to paint the 300+ organizations that have signed on as part of OneENDA as out-of-touch, on the fringe kooks. 300 to one - It looks to me as though he's using a different kind of math than the rest of us. This is nothing short of a smear campaign to deflect

His speech is long (10,134 words - I counted) and he gets to the heart of the matter right off the bat. Here's the beginning of his speech:

"Mr. Speaker, I want to address today a very important issue that is generating an intense discussion among a fairly small segment of people who follow things, and it seems to us it's not healthy and that we ought to have a broader discussion, both of the specific issue, which is a question of how to protect people against discrimination based on their sexual orientation and at some point I would hope their gender and their gender identity....."

First off - and I'm no English professor here (but I did sleep at a Holiday Inn Express last night) - but it seems to me that this is one long run-on sentence filled with bad grammar that doesn't really go anywhere. Read it out loud - there seem to be lots of extra words there. No wonder there are so many of them. One of the questions that comes to mind: Who is the us in his statement "it seems to us it's not healthy". Who do you think the us is?

I get the feeling, and I might be wrong here <tongue firmly in cheek>, that Barney Frank doesn't give a rat's a$$ about trans-people if they interfere in any way, shape, or form with his own personal legacy. Right now he perceives that we're interfering in big way, and he's not a happy camper. He sat at my table at the Out and Equal award dinner a couple of weeks ago and he should have come over to chat while he had the chance. Oh well. Maybe next year. I'll tell you this, though, I'm going to take him off my Christmas card list if he keeps this up.

Based on that humdrum statement of "support" for full inclusion ("...at some point I would hope their gender and their gender identity..."), does anyone believe that Barney Frank will ever do anything to add gender identity to the bill if he can escape without it?? Hell, no.

Midway through it he says:

"On September 5, I testified in favor of including people of transgender. We then learned from conversations with our colleagues that we didn't have the votes to do it."

People of transgender???!! What's that? A town somewhere? If he's going to make up new terms as he goes no wonder we're having difficult with education in Congress. Note to self: if a bill sponsor doesn't have the terms down he probably doesn't really care all that much.

"I do not accept the argument that I am somehow morally lacking if I say, you know what, I would like to protect everybody, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender, I am only at this point able to get a vote passed that protects the millions of people who are gay, lesbian and bisexual; but I will withhold from them that protection until I do anything. Because any time you insist on doing everything all at once, you will do nothing."

So now he's trying to play the Morality card? Are you kidding me? Accept it or not, Barney. Morally lacking. It is what it is.

He has scheduled a press conference for tomorrow to talk about ENDA. Part of the description:

The subject will be the obligation of the Democratic Party to govern responsibly when confronted by a demand to react emotionally by a deeply committed, single-issue faction insisting on putting ideological purity over achievable advancement of our values.

Look at all the emotion-laden words and terms in that single sentence: "obligation", "govern responsibly" vs. "react emotionally", "confronted", "demand", "single-issue faction", "ideological purity over achievement advancement of our values". Wow.

This stuff is crazy. And the madder he gets and the harder he tries to sell it the more obvious the underlying contempt surfaces. I don't know about anyone else, but I hope he keeps on talking.

For some interesting analysis of last night's action:

The always awesome Pam's House Blend includes the full text of the speech and her thoughts (while you're there, vote for her to win a 3rd consecutive Weblog Award)
Marti Abernathy's take: "Dorothy Gale's ENDA Dreams"
A published response addressed to Congressman Frank: read it here.

And the furor grows...

HRC is good at talking points. I don't say that in a bad way - it's just the way it is. I appreciated that as a board member because it provided background and information to be able to respond to questions on significant issues. Apparently, they've drafted talking points on my resignation from the board. Someone forwarded them to me and I supply them here without comment or analysis:

Subject: Regarding the resignation of Donna Rose from HRC's Board of Directors
Date: Wed, 10 Oct 2007 12:19:37 -0400
From: hrc@hrc.org CC: hrc@hrc.org

Thank you for contacting the Human Rights Campaign with your perspective. We always appreciate hearing from our members and supporters, and members of the community.

Below I am including a few helpful questions and answers regarding HRC’s position on ENDA, and about Donna’s resignation. If you have future questions, concerns or comments please feel free to contact us.

Question: Why has Donna Rose resigned as a board member of HRC?

The entire HRC family is deeply saddened by Donna’s decision to leave the board of directors. Donna has given a tremendous amount of time, energy and passion to this organization, and we are forever in her debt.

On Monday, October 1st, the HRC Board of Directors voted to affirm its 2004 decision not to support a version of the Employment Non-Discrimination Act that does not explicitly include protections based on gender identity. We do not support the current version of ENDA that is being considered by the House, and are not advocating for it on the Hill.

HRC is heartened that Donna will continue her work as a member of HRC’s Business Council, and we look forward to working together to pass a complete ENDA and continue to make corporate America more fair and equal for GLBT employees.

Question: “I feel betrayed” – or “HRC threw the transgender community under the bus.” What is your response?

We completely understand and acknowledge that this is a difficult time for many in our community, and we have been deeply troubled by the process that has unfolded as well.

The House Leadership informed HRC and other community leaders in late September that they do not have the votes to move forward with the complete ENDA, and that they are moving forward with a new version that only protects against sexual orientation discrimination. HRC was profoundly disappointed in this decision and exhausted every possible avenue to avoid this course from being taken.

HRC does not support the incomplete version of ENDA that is moving forward in the House, and we will not advocate for it in any way.

We support passage of a complete ENDA that covers the entire GLBT Community.

Speaker Pelosi and Rep. Frank have made clear that they believe the House vote on this bill later this month – which is not expected to be signed into law – will provide a legislative baseline of support for a complete ENDA in the next Congress, and that this is part of their strategy to passing a complete version of the bill with protections based on both sexual orientation and gender identity in one bill on a shorter timeline than not.

Our commitment to passing one bill that protects the entire GLBT community is steadfast and unwavering.

Question: What about the You Tube video of Joe speaking at the Southern Comfort Conference where he promises to both not support and oppose a non-inclusive ENDA?

The Human Rights Campaign supports a full version of ENDA that includes both sexual orientation and gender identity. HRC does not support the current version of ENDA that is moving through the House, and is doing nothing to pass it.

HRC made the difficult decision not to full oppose the bill as that would incapacitate our ability to work with leaders on the Hill to pass a full ENDA in the near future. By withholding our support from the bill, without actively opposing, we will continue to be a part of the dialogue moving forward, and will be able to working with leaders in Congress to educate and advocate for a complete bill.

So there you have it.

Speaking of the Business Council, I have a photo of a group of us that met up for dinner last week in Washington. It's a great group....

The tallest person in the photo is Jamison Green, next to his wife Heidi.
The man standing, with the pink tie, is Samir Luther. He manages all the data for the Corporate Equality Index.
Next to me on the left is John Sullivan. He's the person who brought me on the board. He left last year - I really miss him.
The woman next to John is Louise Young from Raytheon.

In other news, my Buffalo Bills offered up another spectacular last second collapse against the Dallas Cowboys on Monday Night Football. I'll tell you what - being a Bills fan or a Buffalo sports fan in general truly prepares you for heartbreak, suffering, shattered dreams, and disappointment. I sometime argue that being from Buffalo and a fan of their sports teams is not a lifestyle, and it's not a choice. I was just born that way. I'm hoping it goes away but it never has. (sound familiar?) Anyway, the good news is that I'm already emotionally spent so I couldn't get too bent about it even if I wanted to.

The game is already being hailed as a "Monday Night Classic" (read it here) and along with the Yankees loss to Cleveland was part of "A Sports Night for the Ages." Bah humbug. I recoded it on my DVR so I can relive it again and again if I ever get to start feeling too giddy.

I'm back in Rochester tonight as I write this. My flight today went without a hitch, and the warm skies of Phoenix seem a million miles away now. I'll be headed to NYC this weekend for a GLAAD board meeting so there's really no down-time for me in the foreseeable future. A congressman wrote to me and wants to talk. I've got about 1,000 emails to return (I'm not exaggerating). And, things continue to bubble at work with my project. There's never a dull moment in Donna-world.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

I've got a couple of