Donna's Blog
The View From OTHER Side.

Not too long ago an acquaintance mentioned that being transsexual had somehow become vogue, almost trendy.  I had to laugh, as I can think of a pazillion easier ways to seem trendy than having a sex change.  Who knew?  Oh well.  To each their own, I suppose.

A blog means different things to different people.  That being said, my blog will not be a diary, or a journal.  I consider those things to be inherently private except to only the most trusted and intimate friends.  Rather, it will document some of the miscellaneous exploits and observations in the day-to-day banality of my trying-to-be-ordinary-but-never-seeming-to-get-there life.

Perhaps even more than that, though, it will provide an outlet for my need for creative expression.  I don't have that opportunity in my career or at home so I'll allow this medium to fill that void and see where things go.  These writings will be spur-of-the-moment, what-I'm-thinking-now kinds of things, so I apologize in advance for the rough nature.  Also, I really don't want to debate the things I put here.  I feel no need to defend myself.  So, I ask that you please read these entries in the spirit that they're offered - a spirit where barriers are down and difference of opinion is respected and encouraged.  Hopefully, there will be something of value here for others.

Until I figure out how to do the technical back-end stuff to make my "new" blog show up here automatically, please visit my new Blog: www.donnarose.com/MyBlog

Friday, May 2, 2008

11:15 pm:  Our nearly weeklong trip is coming to a close.  Maggie has been as close to an angel as can be, and I'll be posting photos from the trip shortly.  I had a reservation to fly home on Southwest in the morning only to learn that they're one of the few airlines that doesn't allow small pets in the cabin.  So, I had to cancel my reservation and make other arrangements - the good news being that Southwest allows you to use ALL your cancelled funds on another ticket.  Anyway, it was just a minor bump in the road and I think we'll be ok.  We've got an early morning flight home.

I'll be mostly using my "other" blog: www.donnarose.com/MyBlog from this point on.  In a way, I'm retiring the blog in this form and maturing to something new.  The blog has grown a life of its own in recent years and I expect that to continue.  I don't really control is so much as it morphs and changes on its own.  The only way to really see it is to see how it has happened over time.

I posted an entry there yesterday about our trip, and about the Dr. Phil Show on Tuesday.  I talked with my friends at GLAAD today who are hoping to hear from people who watched the show and who want to complain.  I didn't see it, but from the sounds of things it was pretty brutal.  Anyone who wants me to forward a note to GLAAD feel free to send it here.  Or, write to me and I'll be happy to share the contact info for the person at GLAAD who needs to know.

Wednesday, April 29, 2008

10:15 pm:  I've only got a few minutes before I need to get to bed. Puppy is finally tired out and laying next to me.  We need to get to bed for for the 2nd leg of our trip tomorrow when we fly to Austin.  If I had a dollar for everyone who touched the puppy today I'd be able to pay all the extra airfares that are involved in flying with animals. The thing I can't quite understand is why it costs extra when (a) they're under the seat just like any other piece of carry-on luggage (b) they're less troublesome than a screaming child and (c) they don't even get their fair share of peanuts or soda.  Anyway, I'm very glad to have brought the puppy with me.  It has been an amazing bonding week for us and she has been nothing short of incredible.

I'll write something about today's event in my "other" blog so stay tuned on that.  It was great, and thanks to everyone who arranged it and had any part of bringing me here to participate.  A local television station has posted a story about the event (see it here) and if you don't blink you'll see me talking to the group - I was the first speaker at the rally. 

I also owe photos from the GLAAD event in LA this past weekend - I haven't forgotten.  I did post something on Bilerico about it (GLAAD Media Awards in LA - Wow).  And, still no word on my missing camera.  :(

One thing that was announced today that I find interesting was the release of a joint publication between NCTE and The Task Force.

This is no small publication (download it here).  Weighing in at 80 pages it's much more than a pamphlet and the breadth of it shows the hard work involved. 

The thing I find particularly interesting is that this is one of the first joint publications between NCTE and The Task Force that I can remember.  There may be others, but I found that NCTE was typically courted by HRC to co-produce their transgender work (there are a half dozen or more of them).  In the aftermath of ENDA those of us who felt driven away have found other partners to work with.  NCTE is working with the Task Force and the NGLCC.  Jamison and I are working with Out and Equal. 

One of the things that Jamison and I are finding, and that is probably evident in this new publication as well, is that we're able to do things with our new "partners" that we couldn't do before.  It's actually very refreshing and it opens the doors to all kinds of new and exciting possibility.  I still believe that somehow, sometime, some way we'll find ourselves doing something substantive with our former partner (Jamison and I, either collectively or individually, that is....I can't speak for NCTE).  Whether that happens or not, the good news is that important work continues unabated.
 

Tuesday, April 28, 2008

7:15 am:  Puppy and I are in Albany.  Rather than re-hash the trip suffice to say that she traveled amazingly well and I couldn't have been happier or more proud of her.  Over the last several days her personality has really come out and she's playful, inquisitive, funny, smart and loving.  It's fun to watch, and even more fun to be part of. 

Yesterday was a day of firsts.  I had never traveled with a small dog on a plane before.  She started to get used to her leash.  She experienced rain (it was pouring when we arrived here last night, and cold).  It's a little better this morning, but not much.  She's staying at her first hotel (I wonder if they know she's here).  All in all - a big day for us both.

Today I'm speaking at Lobby Day here in New York.  Busses are bringing 1,000+ activists from all over the state to participate.  It's a massive undertaking and testament to what can happen with good leadership, committed people, effective planning, and focused goals come together.  One of the key initiatives here is GENDA, adding the 'gender identity' portion of ENDA back into the Sexual Orientation only version that was passed after a contentious and divisive fight here in 2001 (sound familiar?).  I'm thrilled to be part of this effort in my adopted home state of New York.

I got a call from a friend over the weekend asking me if I had had lunch with Joe Solmonese recently - she has been hearing rumors.  Of course, I haven't.  But I'll also share that if the opportunity were right, I would, and in fact next time I'm in DC (whenever that is) maybe I'll be the person who extends that invitation.  I've seen emails from people assuring everyone on various lists that they wouldn't meet one-on-one with Joe but somewhere, somehow, someone has got to start the flow of communication.  We're not going to agree on everything but at some point we have to find things that we do agree on and find ways to move forward on them for our mutual benefit. 

HRC has all they can handle on their plate this week - they announced their official endorsements for 14 Senators and candidates for 2008.  There is a conspicuous omission from the list, and others that are already raising eyebrows.  As part of the Politics and Policy Committee (PPC) I've seen how this process works behind the scenes and there is method to the madness.  There are reasons for why things happen and don't happen as far as their endorsements go and all I can say is that I'm glad I don't have to defend their political decisions any more.  The problem isn't so much in the decisions they're making as it is with the veil of secrecy over how the decisions are made - including ENDA.  Anyway, that world seems far away from me here in my hotel room in rainy, gray Albany with my puppy. 

Sunday, April 27, 2008

7:00 pm:  I'm back from Hollywood.  There's lots to talk about.

First things first.  The puppy is none the worse for wear from my being away for a couple of nights.  Thanks to Laura and her daughter for being such wonderful step-parents while I was gone.

She's in great spirits.  She has been playful, happy, energetic, funny, inquisitive, and generally very puppy-like since I got home.  She's eating well, and it seems as though the newness of it all from last week and the dopiness from her shots have both pretty much worn off.  And, she seems to have found her bark.  She makes me laugh, and that can't help but be a good thing.

I'm struggling with what to do with her this coming week.  I'm very strongly considering bringing her with me on my trip.  I've got a puppy carrying case on loan from a friend and am investigating what the "rules" are for bring a puppy on-board as a carry-on bag (it costs an extra $80 each way!).  I don't know how she'd do, it'd be a hassle, but in some ways I'd rather do that than leave her here for a week and be a hassle for others (I shortened the trip to get back on Saturday).  I need to make a decision soon because my flight leaves at 7:30 in the morning and I need to start packing.

The trip to LA for the GLAAD Awards was great.  My only source of disappointment is that I brought my big, nice Canon digital Rebel camera with one of my larger lenses with me and left it on a cab that took us to breakfast yesterday morning.  I'm sick about it, but such is life.  I'll call the Taxi company's Lost and Found tomorrow, but my confidence that I'll ever see it again is nil. 

It was fun to spend time with friends who came from around the country to attend - I think we all had a blast.  I got some good photos that I'll be posting here shortly.  Special thanks to Eden for pointing out who's who.  She seems to know everything and everyone in television and her patient explanations were much appreciated.  I'll be writing something for Bilerico about it, I think, after I'm done packing (if it's not too late).  Even with losing my camera it was well worth the trip.

There were several people I was particularly happy to bump into, and to have time to talk with.  I'm already looking forward to some of the follow-up conversations that we started.  The gift bag must have weighed 25 pounds and was full to the brim with all kinds of stuff.  One of the things that all of us noticed was that the tone of the entire evening was fully-inclusive.  There was rarely a time when the word "gay" wasn't followed shortly thereafter by the word "transgender".  It was particularly nice to see, and I can't thank the staff enough for the obvious behind-the-scenes-work for making it happen.  There were several trans people there - on stage, walking the red carpet, and in the audience.  All in all, nobody had a single complaint in that regard and I plan to write to Neil (the President of GLAAD) to thank him.

Neil's remarks were on-point and I noticed that more than one person around me was wiping away tears as he described some moving personal stories.  His mantra of "Telling our stories doesn't make a bit of difference - it makes all the difference" hit home in personal ways for many of us.  These events can be tremendously empowering - even life-changing - and although this was my first visit to the Los Angeles event I was relieved to see that the emotion of the message was not lost on the 3,000+ people that filled the Kodak Theater. 

Other highlights:

• Joss Stone gave a remarkable performance. 
• Comedian Kathy Griffin opened the event with a segment including her mom (see the photo above).  It was funny, and human.
• Model Cindy Crawford looked amazing in red.
• Actress Candis Cayne was stunning.  More importantly, she was friendly, gracious, accessible, and stayed behind long after much of the other "talent" had left.
• Janet Jackson was presented with Vanguard Award and had very little to say; it felt like she was only on stage for a minute or two.  Given that the event was already running long that's a minor quibble. 
• GLAAD has already posted photos from the event (see them here). 
• There are also several news reports of the event (here, and here, and here are some examples)
• The event will be broadcast on Bravo sometime soon so I'll try to give advance warning before that happens.
• A small group of us met for breakfast at Mel's Diner in Hollywood before we all headed in different directions.  It was the best breakfast I've had in a long time.

Lastly for tonight, on the political front I received confirmation that a 3rd transgender delegate will be making a trip to Denver for the Democratic National Convention in August.  Fellow Arizonian Amanda Simpson from Tucson will be one of the delegates from Arizona, and will be joining Diego Sanchez from MA and Merissa Richmand from TN.  I can't think of anyone better to represent our state than Amanda, and am thrilled for her.

BTW - if you've sent me email in the last week or so, know that I'm woefully behind and will be doing my best to catch up.  The combination of travel, work, puppy, and other obligations seem to keep me busy from morning to night.  Thanks for your patience....

Wish me luck on the airplane with puppy tomorrow.  This will be a first for both of us....

Friday, April 25, 2008

11:30pm:  I changed my flight to LA to early tomorrow morning which alleviated some of the pressure I was feeling.  I dropped Maggie off with a friend who will be watching her while I'm gone and I'm comfortable she's in good, loving hands.  Still, I already miss having her furry little lovable self around.  :(

I tried on some dresses on my way home tonight but decided that (a) I need to stop eating again and (b) I'm not going to invest in another dress right now.  I talked with my ex-wife for almost an hour, and I visited with my friend when I dropped Maggie off.  I wrote an entry on my "other" blog tonight (read it here).  I should have packed tonight but I'll do that at 5am before I leave.

There are some interesting topics cropping up in some very interesting places.  For example, there was a story in the New York Times today about married couples staying together through SRS:

I'm told that NBC is looking for couples because they're doing a story on this, as well.

I'll be participating in the Empire State Pride Agenda Lobby Day in Albany, NY on Tuesday.  I'll be here and there throughout the day but here's one event that everyone can attend:

I'm looking forward to this.

7:30am:  I took little Maggie to the vet yesterday for her second set of shots.  She weighs 6.7 pounds - just a teeny furball, really - and looks to be totally healthy.  She's got such a sweet, relaxed personality; the only time her eyes seemed to get big was when they took her temperature.  :)  She's been pretty much wiped out since yesterday and hasn't had much energy - not that I'm complaining too much.

Today I begin a very busy stretch that is now complicated by my little munchkin.  I'm scheduled to leave today to go to LA for the GLAAD Media Awards there tomorrow, and then back home mid-day Sunday. I leave on Monday morning for Albany, participate in the Empire State Pride Agenda Lobby Day on Tuesday, and fly to Austin on Wednesday.  The Out and Equal Workplace Summit kickoff is on Thursday, and I'll probably come home early from that to be with puppy.  I've got people loving on her while I'm gone so I'm not too worried in that regard.

There was a story from Reuters that appeared in the New York Times today titled "TV Has Never Seen More Transgender Characters".

Candis is scheduled to be at the event on Saturday and I look forward to thanking her and congratulating her myself.  I've got friends coming from around the country to sit at our table and I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone, and I hope we all have a chance to chat with her.  The timing of this article couldn't be more perfect because I consider this event to be a celebration of the emergence of Transgender characters in mainstream media.

Does anyone underestimate the impact that broad visibility of transgender lives on mainstream television?  We talk about this vague concept of "education" that needs to happen to move the culture to be more accepting and understanding and although each of us can certainly play a part in that these mainstream media opportunities reach millions and millions of people.  As much as providing visibility into our lives the fact that we're there at all is a statement of legitimacy and empowerment that no amount of money can buy.  These portrayals have come a long way from characters who were either criminals, victims, sex-workers, mentally-ill, or otherwise de-valued.  I'm working with the staff at GLAAD to produce a DVD about the changing portrayal of transgender in the Media through the years and we're all very excited about it.  Stay tuned as that develops....

It's really exciting to be involved in the behind-the-scenes planning in some of the events that happen each year.  One of the reasons I got involved with HRC locally while living in Austin was to participate in the dinner planning.  It was an introduction to the broader GLBT community to someone who had never been there before.  Now, I'm doing stuff with Southern Comfort (don't forget, the deadline for workshop proposals is May 15!), we're already working on the Out and Equal Workplace Summit, I'm doing stuff with GLAAD, Jamison and I are working on things together - it's great to be able to work with so many committed people.  It certainly cuts down on free-time, but I can't imagine NOT doing these things right now.

On a more somber note, today is the 12th annual "Day of Silence".  The website explains it as follows:

Because of recent violence against GLBT students in schools around the country there is significant visibility on the event today.  It is receiving broad visibility (Los Angeles Times, The Advocate, and many, many more).  As one might expect, some are not happy about the visibility and are pushing back with their own initiatives.  At a high school outside Seattle a "church group" is calling for "prayer warriors" to participate in a counter-protest outside the school (details here, and here, and here).  I can't tell you how hate-mongerers and bigots masquerading under the charade of religion make my blood boil - don't even get me going on that.  Anyway, today is an important day to support our youth. 

I need to get the day going.  This next week looks to be crazy, and that doesn't even factor in my responsibilities as work that remain a priority and that I always somehow seem to balance with everything else.  It's one of those mysteries I don't try to explain any more.  I just cross my fingers and hope it continues...

Thursday, April 24, 2008

6:30am:  I'm a data person.  There's a saying in IT - "If you can measure it you can manage it" - so data and metrics and statistical analysis is all part of this data-grounded world that I call a career.  The fact is that I actually enjoy data.  I enjoy looking for relationships, anomalies, cause/effect, trends.  That stuff is fun for me.

The reason that I bring it up is that I'm having some fun doing a little analysis on companies and various Diversity/Ranking scores.  We could talk long and hard about HRC's Corporate Equality Index - what it is and what it isn't - and I'll defend it to the death for what it is while at the same time acknowledging the shortcomings for what it isn't.  This post isn't about the CEI.  It's about Diversity scores or  "rankings" in general.

There are several "Best Company" lists.  How does a company get near the top of one?  I'm sure that we all have ideas on that and I'm not looking to argue that point here.  The thing I find interesting, however, is to compare the companies from one list to another.  For example, I looked at the 33 companies listed in the Fortune article of the Best Big Companies to work for.  I checked the CEI scores for each of these companies and found that 15 of them have a score of 100.  2 have a score between 90-99.  2 have a score between 80-99.  One has a score of 75.  And, the 4th best large company to work for according to this list - FedEx - has a score of 55.  None of that really surprises me.  One thing I found interesting, however, was that over a third of these companies, 12 to be exact, don't report a score to HRC for the CEI at all.

I also find it very, very interesting to compare this list with DiversityInc's list of 50 Top Companies for Diversity 2008 (see that list here).  Does anyone else find it interesting that only 2 companies are on both lists?  What does this mean?  I'm not sure - I just find it odd that only 2 of the companies rated as the best for Diversity are on the list of best places to work.  One thing it does probably mean is that these lists are aren't meant to be be-all, end-all rankings.  They make good press, but I'd take the results with a grain of salt.

Anyway - this is interesting stuff.  Anyone who attended the Thursday diversity lunch at IFGE in Tucson heard me share some work that Jamison and I are doing with Out and Equal to develop a survey that doesn't measure corporate policy, but it measures actual employee experience and overall corporate culture.  I expect that the results will be fascinating.  I'll have more to share on that as it develops.

Someone sent me a photo from IFGE that I actually like.  I don't like many photos of myself - but I can't complain about this one.  :)

Not everyone sees the workplace gains we are making as a good thing.  Focus on the Family has an opinion on the gains we are making in the workplace:

Did you see the news story about a woman in Florida who found an 8 ft. alligator in her kitchen?  (see it here)  I couldn't help but laugh hearing the 911 operator asking her is she's sure that it isn't an "iguana or a large lizard" and the woman says "no no no no no" - looking at this huge alligator that takes up her entire kitchen floor.  Too funny.

Puppy has a vet appointment today.  They tend to poke and prod at these things.  I hope they don't hurt her.  :(

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

6:30am:  How can people tell what company would be good to work for?  There are all kinds of surveys, indexes, recruiting messages, Diversity initiatives - how does anyone know what's true and what's not?  I don't know if there's a way to truly know as experiences will vary within large companies.  But at the same time, where can you start?

An article came out on Fortune.com ranking the 50 Best Big Companies to work for.  I'm used to working at large companies and I found reading this interesting.  This list has some surprises.  I actually am working at one of the companies in the Top 10 on this list (contract work, not as an Employee).  A significant number of the people I know there have been at the company for well over 20 years which certainly says something.

One project I'm trying to work in the background is to identify which companies have diversity hiring that might provide a contact at the company.  It's easier to get a foothold at a company, no matter how wonderful your resume, if you can actually speak to someone rather than having to apply online and never hearing anything. Anyway, if you've had good experiences in that regard please feel free to forward the information about the company and the contact so I can follow-up.

This past weekend there were 3 road-rage shooting incidents around the Valley.  There was another on Monday where a couple of people got stabbed.  A news report indicates that Phoenix has the 2nd most road rage incidents in the country and that doesn't surprise me - drivers around here are nuts.  It's one thing to be an aggressive driver but a whole other thing to turn a driving incident into violence.  As I consider my long-term prospects and where I want to live as I get older things like that make a difference.

Speaking of driving I wrote something about Danica Patrick, who became the first woman to win an IndyCar event over the weekend, on the DonnaBlog.

The puppy seems to be getting used to being here although she hasn't eaten in a couple of days.  She has been decidedly NOT happy about me leaving her in the large crate when I go to work and I suppose I can't blame her.  I have been doing short days there so far this week so she doesn't have to be in it for too too long but when it's a 45 mile drive each way that certainly adds time and hassle.  She hasn't had a "boo boo" in the house since Sunday so we've been fortunate in that regard, and I'm taking her to the vet for a check-up tomorrow.  She likes to lay on the cool tile in the kitchen and the hallways and at one point she wanted to stay on it last night.  I woke up and searched the house looking for her.  I found her curled up on my pile of dirty laundry - so cute.
 

Monday, April 21, 2008

10:30pm:  Tomorrow HRC will announce the release of it's new publication, "Transgender Inclusion In the Workplace, 2nd Edition" (see it here).  I'd say it's really version 1 of this, replacing a publication called "Transgender Issues In the Workplace: A Tool For Managers" that was released in 2004 (I have a couple hundred copies of these in my garage and am happy to send to anyone who needs some).  The old document was significantly shorter and was far more aimed at facilitating workplace transitions.  This publication is much more substantive and comprehensive.

Noted trans workplace advocates are already commenting on it (see Jillian Weiss's remarks here).  I don't know that I have anything more to add.

The one thing I'll be interested to see is how effective HRC is at getting this out there, and the broader reception it gets.  It's the first Trans specific publication/tool since ENDA and the fact that it's workplace-related makes it doubly compelling.  I have no criticisms on content, intent, timing, or format although I'm sure others will find something to complain about.  Daryl, Samir, and the rest of the Workplace Team did their usual excellent work.  But the question of the day isn't about what's between the covers.  The Spectre of ENDA begs the question "How does an organization that was the lone voice for transgender exclusion in ENDA release a publication making a business case for transgender inclusion?"  I hope it's a non-issue - I really do, because corporate America still needs good tools on Transgender issues.  But I can't see how they can escape the obvious questions.

Tomorrow is the Democratic Primary in Pennsylvania.  Most agree that Hillary will win, although I for one made a friendly wager today to the contrary.  The question seems to be whether it will be a single-digit win or more than that.  I guess we'll know by this time tomorrow.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

9:30pm:  It's relatively early but I'm heading to bed.  That's one of the good things about having this puppy.  My 1am nights are a thing of the past.  I expect that I'll be getting to bed at a far more reasonable time.

I posted a nice photo of the Mag-ster on my "other" blog.  It's hard to get good pictures of her because when she sees me get down so I'm eye-level she figures I must be ready to play and comes running over.  One of the things I find interesting already is watching her sleep, and her little feet are moving and ears are twitching.  What on earth does a newborn puppy dream it's chasing? 

I spent almost 3 hours over at my ex-wife's house today.  She gave me a crate that we used for Molly that we had stored up in the attic.  Apparently, nobody had been in the attic since I left the house 9 years ago and she wanted my help getting the stuff out of there.  So we spent the better part of the afternoon going through all our stuff that was in the attic.  Her wedding dress was there.  Old receipts and empty boxes were there.  Books. binders, records, calendars, and all kinds of stuff was there.  Anyway, it was actually sort of nostalgic and was the most civil we've been to one another in a long time.  The magical powers of puppies cannot be under-estimated.  Of course, Maggie slept most of the afternoon away but that's ok. 

I got stopped twice at PetSmart and once at the gas station by people who saw Maggie and wanted to chat.  I'm telling you - if you want to meet people carry a puppy around with you.  It's a great ice breaker.  :)

7:00am:   I'm not sure what the first night of a new puppy, taken from its family and brought to new surroundings, is supposed to be like or even if there is a typical "first night".   I remember pups I've had that have cried through the night, others who were restless to the point they couldn't sleep, and still others who seemed to take it all in stride.  Maggie had a very nice first day - we even went over to a friend's house who has 2 Yorkies and Maggie had a great time.  All the excitement and change caught up with her sometime during the night, tho.

She slept in the bed with me and at some point around 3am I woke to an interesting aroma in the bedroom.  Poor Mags has some tummy "issues" and had left me a couple of little presents on the comforter.  Yuk.  Anyway, I cleaned them up, used Lysol on everything, took her out back for a little while, and the rest of the night passed fine.  She still has an upset little tummy and hasn't eaten anything yet today.  I'll be glad when she does.

I don't want this Blog to turn into the trials and tribulations of raising a puppy but I expect that I'll use it for some of that.  It's a healthy distraction.  The big event later today is that we'll be heading over to visit my ex-.  That should be interesting.  I'm actually looking forward to it.

I realized I have several photos from events I've attended recently: The CA Leadership Summit, the GLAAD Awards in NYC, IFGE.  I'll be uploading a bunch of them to share online later today.
 

Saturday, April 19, 2008

5:00pm:   Maggie has had quite the day, and is curled up by my feet under the desk.  She's been sleeping for almost 2 hours - I'm sure the excitement of everything was a drain.

Maggie just turned 8 weeks old, and has only had her first series of vaccinations so I'll need to make arrangements for the rest of them.  She has been remarkably good and only seemed sad for a short while in the car before curling up on my lap as if nesting.  She has been inquisitive here at the house and the good news is that there have been no "mistakes" on the carpet yet.  At least, none I know of.

Her coloring is as striking as her personality - I've attached 3 pics I took earlier today.  They should provide an idea of how small she is....

Anyway, she's awake now so we're going out back on the "lawn" to play.  More later.

Friday, April 18, 2008

9:00pm:   I had an interesting dream last night.  Lately I generally don't remember my dreams much past my second cup of coffee but I remember this one pretty well.  I don't feel compelled to share the dream other than to say I don't know what relevance it has, if any, on my non-dream life. 

Dreams are pretty amazing things.  They reflect our self-image of ourselves, hidden fears or needs, and any number of other interesting elements that we're often able to suppress in our conscious world.  For example, for most of my life when I dreamed I saw myself as a guy.  Usually we don't stop and ask ourselves what gender we are in our dreams because we assume that our dream self is the same as our physical self.  For the longest time whenever I'd dream of myself as female there was a corresponding sense of dread that someone would figure me out.  I remember the first time I dreamed of myself as Donna - not as David trying to be Donna - but just as Donna.  I couldn't wait to see my psych to share this amazing news.  It was big deal for me as it represented a sort of change in how I perceived myself - both consciously AND subconsciously.

I also remember when I started dreaming in color - shortly after starting estrogen.  My ex-wife would always explain these elaborate, colorful dreams that she had and I always assumed that she was making them up as she went.  It wasn't until after going on estrogen that my own dreams became much more vivid and real to me.  To be fair - everything became much more vivid for me after starting estrogen.  But the impact of the dreams on me increased significantly for quite a while.  It was a generally overwhelming time - both when I was awake and when I was asleep.

I go to pick up little Maggie the puppy tomorrow around noon.  Somehow it reminds me of when my ex- and I took our son home from the hospital and as we tucked him into his bed for the first time the realization hit home that this little, innocent life depended on us.  Anyway, I'll post photos when I get her here and settled.  We've got a busy day tomorrow.

I wrote about some upcoming Trans workplace stuff from HRC on my "other" blog.  I'm still on track to combine the two into a single effort - I'm expecting to do that at the end of this month.  I envision that it will be a pretty seamless transition but we'll see how it goes.

I'll share a few recent photos.  The top row is from the California Transgender Leadership Summit in Berkeley last month, and the bottom photo is from a lunchtime talk at IFGE a couple of weeks ago.

Jamison Green and I discussing last minute Closing Plenary details	Springtime shot of the Bay Bridge and the San Francisco skyline from Treasure Island

Lastly, I have a friend blogger who disappointed me today by blogging irresponsibly.  I don't know if there truly is such a thing, but things like credibility and respect need to exist out here as more than conveniences that we use when it suits us.  Lord knows I have opinions on things and I'm not shy about sharing them here but I try to avoid petty sneak attacks like the one I saw today.  I won't go into more detail because it doesn't deserve the visibility.  If anything, it deserves an apology.  
 

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

10:00pm:   I did something Monday night that I haven't done for a long time.  I mowed.  There's a small patch of grass in my back yard that thinks it's a lawn.  It feels odd complain that I had to mow it because it had gotten too long but to then admit that it was looking sad a couple of weeks ago so I fertilized it.  I guess the fertilizer "took".   What do I get for my efforts?  Long, thick, green grass that needs to be mowed.  I even had to borrow the lawn mower from my friend Laura.  I'm so unprepared for this...

As I mowed I was having flashbacks.  I remember going house to house as a pre-teen in the late 1960's asking if I could cut people's lawn for $5 (I'd trim it for another $5).  I remember using my mom's always dull push mower to do our lawn and collecting all the clippings to put in my mom's compost heap behind the garage (she's a gardener).  When we lived in Rochester our property covered nearly an acre so I did what any self-respecting lawn lover would do.  I got a riding lawn mower.  I can't help but to smile at all the times I've mowed and the number of times I expected that it would be my last time.  I didn't get that feeling Monday night.

The grass here isn't the same as the grass back home in upstate NY.  It's not beautiful, lush, Kentucky Bluegrass that invites you to lie down and roll in it.  It's Bermuda grass - the texture is far more coarse so I suppose it's just perfect for the desert.  The good news is that it still smells good when it's freshly cut.  And, it'll be good for Maggie.

The reason I mention it at all is that I woke up this morning and I have bug bites on my arms.  I have 5 of them on my right arm, and 3 down by my left wrist.  We don't get mosquitoes much here in the desert but I'm hoping I somehow got bit in the 15 minutes it took me to mow.  The only other explanation is that I got bitten last night while I was sleeping.  I'll admit that the thought of bugs crawling on me and biting me while I'm asleep creeps me out a little.

Reports from NCTE Lobby Day are coming out slowly but surely.  There was a long article in the Washington Blade about it.  There are quite a few photos from the reception at the Washington Press Club there, too.  Diana from CT has already blogged about her lobbying experience (read it here).  I expect that there will be more.  I've heard unsubstantiated rumors that I don't believe ("Believe nothing of what you hear....") and attribute that more to misunderstanding than misinformation.

The most important part of the Blade article, I thought, was the sub-headline for the story.  "Visitors from 29 states ask lawmakers to oppose gay-only ENDA".  If accurate, this is a big deal.  Last year we Lobbied about why lawmakers should support a fully-inclusive ENDA.  From the sound of things, this year that was happening too.  But at the same time, lawmakers were being urged to oppose anything less.  I'm told that the mood was upbeat and positive which is a very good sign.  I must admit I was curious what the overall tenor would be like.

A significant event from this week (that I feel has gone under-reported) is the departure of Matt Foreman as Executive Director of the Gay and Lesbian Task Force (details here).  The Task Force is the second largest national GLBT advocacy organization (after you-know-who) and, in my opinion, is well poised to pick up significant ground on it's bigger, less scrupulous cousin.  The Task Force is a much more grass-roots kind of organization whose concerns aren't strictly limited to GLBT concerns.  They recognize the inter-dependency of many of our social woes and often stray way outside the GLBT safe-zone.  I really respect Matt and the Task Force for that.  They've taken heat for it by those who can't see the connection but they haven't been timid about speaking up for higher ideals for ALL. 

Matt's voice was often the principal voice for United ENDA and the Task Force has been steadfast in their support for ONLY fully-inclusive legislation.  They are the Ying to the HRC Yang.  As a result, because of the pivotal point in time and the pivotal role they play the choice of their next Executive Director has much broader impacts than many might realize.  I've said for quite a while now that the biggest shortcoming of Joe S. at the helm of HRC at this point in time is that the broader community truly needed an inspirational leader of extreme moral character who could unite and inspire trust.  Joe has undeniably proven himself to be an effective (and ruthless) lobbyist but few people I know would use the words "inspirational", "moral character", "unite", or "trust" in the same sentence as Mr. Joe.  I'm probably not saying anything more than the obvious, but it's just not there.

As most have probably noticed an organization tends to take on the personality of its leadership.  I'll just leave it at that....

If and when The Task Force finds that leader to take its helm, watch out.  The dynamics of the broader GLBT advocacy landscape will shift.  I only hope it happens sooner rather than later.

Speaking of shifting - I expect that there will be some significant shifting in my own life in the coming weeks.  It's a big adjustment to have to think about someone/something else when you've been on your own for quite a while.  Bringing another life into your own forces you to stop to consider other things before making decisions.  I'm just at the front end of that, but I can already see changes ahead.

Monday, April 14, 2008

9:00pm:   I've got a couple of significant things to share tonight.

The first is that I'm finally starting to use my "other" blog for more than just testing.  I wrote something there today about HRC and the Houston Dinner from this past weekend that I think is worth reading (I posted an updated version of it on Bilerico).  And, I did a post there yesterday titled "Puppy Love".  In it there's a photo of a couple of young Australian Shepherd pups.  I stopped out to visit them today and adopted the one on the left (the light one) - I actually bring her home his weekend. (see my other blog). 

Who do you think the first person I called when I got in the car to drive home?  My ex-wife.  We talked for over an hour and even agreed on a name (we have a thing for M names - Molly, Murphy).  I think we've agreed that she looks like a Maggie, and I'm even going to bring her over there on Sunday to visit.  That's an unexpected turn - puppies have some unexplainable magical power or something.  Bringing an 8-week old puppy into my life is a big, big deal and will lead to some needed restructuring and re-prioritizing.  Mark my words.

BTW - I updated my Upcoming Events page to reflect my calendar for the rest of the year.  I'll try to keep it updated and current.

I have allowed the wave of response to pregnant trans-man Thomas Beatie to rise and fall without much comment.  There has been the nasty garbage that you'd expect as well as some supportive, positive stuff.  The Beaties have been mercifully quiet and unavailable which has given things some time to quiet down. 

There was an article in yesterday's Boston Globe by a conservative columnist named Jeff Jacobey titled "Pregnant, yes - but not a man".  In it you'll find the same tired misuse of pronouns, attacks on Mr. Beatie's gender, reminders that Gender Identity Disorder is listed in the DSMIV, and comparisons to polygamist sex and incest that we've come to expect.  He doesn't leave many stones unturned.

I have no problem with Mr. Jacobey sharing his opinions with the world other than to lament the fact that we don't all have platforms like the Boston Globe from which to send our message. The good news is that it doesn't really matter what he thinks, whether he accepts Thomas Beatie as a man or not, or even that he's got an opinion on the subject at all.  He doesn't get to make those decisions or to define who or what any of us are. No matter how loud he screams or how many cliches he adds nothing that he says or does will change that.  I personally take great joy in celebrating my trans-ness to people like him and I feel no need whatsoever to argue with them.  Sometimes, a simple little "ki$$ my a$$" smile is all it takes.

To all the NCTE Lobby Day participants who will be heading to Capitol Hill tomorrow - best of luck to you.  Thousands of us who wish we could there are with you in spirit.  If you feel like sharing your Lobby Day experience feel free to sent it along.  I'm happy to post whatever I get here.

One last thing.  When I was at IFGE a little over a week go I used one of the computers in the lobby (the one closest to the front desk).  I have a little USB drive that I carry in my purse that had a document that I needed so I put it into the USB slot on the back of the computer.  Needless to say, I forgot it.  I've called the hotel about it and they transferred me to lost and found but so far - nothing.  If you live in Tucson and ever travel near the Doubletree I'd be interested to know whether it's sill in the back of the computer or not (It's a Cruizer Mini).  There's some stuff on there that I'd rather not lose...
 

Sunday, April 13, 2008

8:30am:   I expect I'll have another entry later but may as well start the day by saying a couple of things so I don't forget.

Obviously, I'm not in Washington DC at the moment.  NCTE Lobby Days happen tomorrow and Tuesday and despite my best intentions I just can't get away from work to be there.  I've got major stakeholders from NYC coming to town this week and have critical meetings that it would be very difficult for me to miss. It seems self-defeating to come to Washington to lobby against transgender workplace discrimination and to lose my job in the process - there's a balance there and this is one of those times when I don't get to do what I want.  The thing I can provide most is moral support, so for those who will be participating know that I'm there with you in spirit.  If anyone who is there wants to send me updates on how things go and their thoughts I'd be appy to post them here.

NCTE is hosting a reception to honor the 6 members of Congress who are with us, and who voted against the non-inclusive ENDA specifically because it wasn't inclusive.  These heroes were punished for this by receiving a negative score on HRC's Congressional Scorecard.

The fact that there were mounted police at the HRC protest in Houston last night is already getting quite a bit of attention. I can't wait to see some photos of this - I hope someone took some.  I'd also like to hear how many of the local politicos attended (and conversely, how many did not).

Upcoming HRC Dinners - in the next few weeks - for those who are interested:

Most cities in this country hold their PRIDE celebrations in June.  Here in Phoenix it gets too hot in June to have people outdoors like that so we hold ours early.  It's going on this weekend.  Yesterday, they held the PRIDE Parade through downtown Phoenix.  One of the grand-marshals this year is Regina Wells, a local trans-woman who started a halfway house for homeless transgender women.  For those who are interested, there are pics of yesterday's festivities in the local paper today (see a slideshow here).  As usual, it looks very colorful.

It may come as a surprise to some but most trans-people in my experience don't have much (as in - none) interest in PRIDE events.  We always see drag-queens as part of the overall "scene" but most of the people that I know who self-identify as trans wouldn't cross the street to visit a PRIDE.  Many of us don't feel comfortable there for one reason or another.  Some don't feel welcome.  Some don't feel any affinity whatsoever with what happens there.  And many are just plain uncomfortable in that kind of a scene.  I get that.  Part of the fallacy of "GLBT" is that we all have some kind of shared queer background when, in fact, most of the trans-people I know have absolutely zero. Many are raised in a straight world so suddenly being thrust into a queer one can have any number of implications.  I was no naive about this stuff that I had no clue as to what a rainbow flag meant until I went to San Francisco for my FFS and was strolling around the Castro.  I have attended several PRIDEs around the country and particularly enjoyed Atlanta and Austin.  

I need to go and finish my taxes.  Safe travels to all who are going to Washington DC for Lobby Day.

11:00am:   Phyllis sent some photos from the HRC Dinner protest in Houston from last evening.  Somehow, as I look at all this ill-advised overkill aimed at transgender people who remain justifiably angry about HRC's actions around ENDA last fall, and at the ongoing disrespect we face at the highest levels of the organization, one phrase pops into my mind: Don't taze me, Bro!

Crowd Barricades

Mounted Police

Protester

Protester

Thank God I'm not a tax-payer in Houston.  I can't imagine having to pay for this.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

9:30pm:   As I typed the date at the beginning of this entry I realized that tomorrow is my ex-wife's birthday.  That normally wouldn't spark much interest any more except for the fact that she surprised me by calling me on my birthday to give good wishes.  I'll do the same for her tomorrow.

I had one of these deep discussions with a friend at the IFGE Conference in Tucson last week about love.  She believes that love doesn't end - that once it's there it endures.  I, on the other hand, don't believe that for a second.  Love is like a plant - when it's nurtured it thrives, when it's neglected and kept in darkness it dies.  There was a time when I had far more romantic notions about the endurance of love, commitment, and the entire notion of "soul-mates".  I've explained before that life experience has replaced them with more realistic and manageable expectations.  That said, however, I hope to meet someone somewhere someday who renews my faith in some of those things....

One thing I'll be writing about shortly are some of the life skills that I have found have been helpful for me while navigating the sometimes difficult waters of finding inner peace as a transgender person.  We tend to focus on things specifically dealing with the gender aspects but other things: anger management, discipline, dealing with fear, being able to go with the flow, self-awareness - they're all critical for getting through difficult times in general and coming to terms with being transgender certainly applies in that regard.  Sometimes it's important to brush up on life skills in order to face life challenges.

I was sitting in the restaurant at the Doubletree in Tucson having breakfast with Marti Abernathy last Sunday and someone approached the table to chat.  I don't remember the specifics of the conversation other than she told me how happy she was to wake up each morning as her authentic self and she liked to start her day by listening to a song that symbolized her happiness.  I was truly happy for her, and told her that I often start my my morning with music, too.  But the morning music that tends to fill my car as I drive across the Valley is generally harsher and darker than that.  I explained her one of my favorite early-morning make-yer-ears-bleed tunes is "Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit.  She had never heard of it but Marti obviously had.  (watch the video for it here).  Sometimes, it just fits.

Speaking of IFGE, one thing in particular that struck me this year were the number of supportive spouses and significant others there.  I can't even imagine a world where my ex-wife would have been supportive in any way, shape, or form - much less go to one of these conferences.  But every year we're seeing more and more people who share this journey and who learn about their own selves in the process.  It fills me with hope that more of us can avoid the pain of losing loving, committed relationships to people who never even gave us a chance.  Congratulations and thanks to all the amazing couples and families there.

My dear friends at Trans Youth Family Allies (TYFA) have launched a fund-raising drive.  TYFA works with trans youth and their families and recent visibility has stretched them to the limit.  They need $$$ to continue to do what they do so well, and the work they're doing is so so important. The minimum donation is only $15.  In my way of thinking if most of the 1,000 or so people who visit here every day can donate $15 to a specific worthy, under-funded, cause every couple of months we can turn into quite the army of philanthropists.  The link to donate to TYFA is here.  They've already raised a little over $1,000 so far.  Let's see if we can't help push them over the $5,000 mark by the time it ends on April 20. Thanks for helping.

Phyllis Frye has already sent an update on the protest at the HRC Dinner in Houston tonight.  It reads as follows:

Oy.  I expect there will be more on this in coming days.  Friends from Austin, Killeen, and up near Dallas traveled to Houston to participate. 

Changing gears - I got quite a bit accomplished today.  I'm almost caught up on email which is a miracle considering how far behind I was.  My car got new brakes.  I ran 5 miles.  I met with someone teetering at the front end of her transition for coffee.  I did a shopping and spent an hour browsing shoes at DSW. I had a nice low carb dinner and spent some time tinkering on my "other" blog (it's coming along - still need to be able to upload photos before I flip the switch).   Those are the mundane things that make a peaceful Saturday. 

I'll close tonight by sharing something I saw on my run today.  There was a family of ducks in one of the small ponds outside a bank.  I couldn't help but stop and take a picture.  I may not believe in endless love, and I may listen to some edgy music from time to time, but I'm still a romantic at heart (and I'm a sucker for fuzzy little ducklings!)....

Friday, April 11, 2008

6:30am:   The first thing that popped into my fuzzy brain when I woke up this morning is that it's Friday - almost the weekend - and I'm in the comfort of my own bed for a change.  What a concept!  So, as I sip my first cup of morning coffee I have a couple of thoughts to share.

The first is to add something to Mr. Joe's statement that he underestimated the level of pain that their ENDA decision would cause.  Even if you can believe that, has anyone seen anything resembling compassion or contrition from Joe or the organization at any time since last fall?  The appropriate response for causing that kind of pain should have been to offer a public apology to the entire GLBT community for being the source of that pain, acknowledging that promises were broken and that many in the family are feeling angry and betrayed.  To me that's a no-brainer (plus, it's just good manners), especially for a group that considers itself a "Human Rights" organization.  These kinds of organizations have an extra core responsibility to be (or at least, to appear) Compassionate to people it wants to believe are part of its family.  Unfortunately, the organization's compassion is in the same place that it's integrity, its credibility, its relevance, and its right to speak in any way, shape, or form on trans issues is.  It's gone.  They call the police on people who are upset about it and who want to have a voice.  Who's responsible for that?  Leadership.  Joe is.  In the interview Joe recognizes that the way to begin the healing isn't through words, but through action.  I'm stating the obvious here, but this isn't the kind of action that will achieve that.

So, if you distill all those words down into a short single sentence it would read something like: "We didn't realize the level of hurt that our ENDA decision would cause but we stand by it and, in fact, will do it again."  The rest is just window dressing.

I've said in the past that I won't focus on negatives and I meant it.  So, here's a positive suggestion.  HRC can convene something it could call "ENDA Together" or something similar and actually try to engage transgender leaders to be part of the process.  They could actually engage transgender communities at the steering committee level to proactively develop educational opportunities so they don't have to call the police to keep us away.  They could be more forthcoming in working as a collaborative partner rather than dictating to us what they'll allow or do. There has been no effort to engage as equals, and everything that happens is suspect because it's done behind a veil of secrecy.  I've suggested many of these things before and nothing has happened.  So, when Joe says that healing will come through actions not through words I'm wondering specifically what actions he's talking about.  The non-actions so far speak volumes.

Autumn Sundeen wrote an entry on Pam's House Blend titled "Which Democratic Candidate Would Fight Harder for a Trans-Inclusive ENDA?"  Based on recent statements, she concludes that neither would.  I agree.  That's not to say that both wouldn't prefer it, but neither is willing to put the weight of their office behind it.  That doesn't dull my commitment or my confidence that the right thing will happen, or diminish my efforts to help get us there.  As with my transition, I've learned that the things you appreciate most in life are the things you have to work hardest to achieve.  I'm fully confident that a fully-inclusive ENDA will be one of those things, and it will be a lasting legacy to future generations of us that speaks as much about value and self-worth as it does about employment discrimination. 

Lastly, I got an email yesterday from Dr. Jillian Weiss who many of us know and respect for her wonderful workplace leadership.  It says:

Contact her if you want more information.  Her email is jweiss@ramapo.edu

I need to get the day going.  Happy Friday to all....

Thursday, April 10, 2008

10:00pm:   Michigan is in the spotlight tonight for a couple of reasons:

• By a vote of 8-1, the Detroit City Council voted to amend the city's non-discrimination ordinance to cover transgender people.  It already covered lesbians and gays. One news article states that the Detroit-based Triangle Foundation "worked for 17 years to get an all inclusive ordinance" (read it here).  Bravo to Detroit and those who worked so long and hard to make this happen.

• The local GLBT paper in Detroit is "Between the Lines".  HRC prez Joe Solmonese recently sat down for a "wide ranging 45 minute interview" with a reporter there.  The end result is an article titled "HRC leader stands by non-inclusive ENDA decision".   There's very little new there except for the fact that I get the exact same disgusted feeling hearing Joe say he was surprised at the level of pain their wrong-headed ENDA decision caused that I felt when Thomas Beatie said he had no idea that the pregnant-man story would cause such a fuss.  Both chose not to heed people who passionately warned them of the implications, and both excuses are equally implausible and unacceptable.

Speaking of HRC, their Houston gala happens this weekend.  Houston is home to Phyllis Frye, and if there's anyone who's frustration with HRC exceeds my own it's Phyllis.  She has been planning a protest event at the dinner for weeks.  If you could see behind the scenes you'd see an operation that looks almost like a SWAT assessment of entrances, access points, command centers, and opportunities.  She's not shy about sharing it all, either, and a recent Phyllibuster email went out with all the details.  Apparently, someone in HRC Central wasn't happy about it and called the Houston Police who paid a visit to Ms. Frye.  Monica Roberts explains in detail on Bilerico.

Earlier this week some of the local trans community approached 2 Board Members in Houston hoping to set up an educational initiative similar to the one that was so successfully done in Austin earlier this year.  They were told that if HRC allows them to do that then they'll have to do it for other groups who might ask, as well.  You guessed it - they were denied.

I'm wondering if the soon-to-be-hired Transgender Diversity person could or would have been able to help them avert these two blunders.

One other topic...

There was a story on NPR today about the transgender talk-show host in India (read/hear it here).  When do you think we'll have something similar in this country.  In our lifetime?

With that - it's time for bed.
 

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

11:30pm:   As I have mentioned in the past, as a GLAAD Board Member I receive an email every day to something called The Interface that is  vault of GLBT news/opinion/media from around the country.  One particular story from yesterday that begs discussion was a multimedia segment from The View on Thomas Beatie, the pregnant trans man.

Barbara Walters indicates that she spoke with the couple over the weekend and, as she says, "they have some fears, to say the least."  But the rest of what she says he says couldn't be more false and stinks of self-indulgent hypocracy. 

"I found them very sweet and naive" Barbara says.  "They had no idea that this was going to cause a stir.....He thought that this would help people understand.  They don't see anything strange about this."  Does anyone anywhere believe this?  Even for a second??  They knew all too well the ruckus that this would cause and, in fact, did what they could to orchestrate it.  Understand this well - during the weeks before the initial interview in the Advocate every major GLBT group in this country tried to talk him out of going pubic with this because everyone knew where this was going to go.  That effort is a story in and of itself and the lengths to which these efforts went are truly remarkable.  The Beaties didn't want to hear any of it and had their mind set from the beginning. 

Barbara continues: "What they are worried about now is the legal ramifications.  Are they legally married?   The greatest threat to them is that their marriage could be taken away - they never thought that would be a possibility.  Could the IRS come after them?  They filed joint returns - if their marriage is dissolved what happens to that?   What about their life insurance, inheritance, all these different things.  What's going to be on the birth certificate when the baby is born?  "  When one of the other hosts questions "Shouldn't they have thought about these things before they got pregnant?"  Barbara responds - "None of this occurred to them." 

Bullsh*t it didn't.  Every single one of these things, and more, was explained to them in painstaking detail.  They just didn't want to hear it, or believe that it could actually happen.  To feign ignorance at this point strips any sense of (a) credibility and (b) sympathy that they may at one time had and is an insult to people who may now find themselves affected by this mess.  I completely support their right to get pregnant in non-traditional ways.  I even support their right to make their story public.  What I can't find a way to support is crass commercialism masquerading as more virtuous motivation, and lies served as feigned ignorance over the the ramifications.  The key concept here, as it is throughout much of my writing , is accountability.  What a mess.

My fellow Bilerico contributor Marti shared her IFGE experience online today (read it here).

My big-sister, Kate, called me a couple of weeks ago to tell me about a movie that she had just seen on the Sundance Channel called "Red Without Blue".  It's sort of a documentary about a couple of twin boys and at one point one of them decides to transition (see the IMDB entry here).  She thought is was very well done.  Anyway, the entire movie is available online for those who have a little time on their hands (70 minutes).  Watch the movie here.  It's worth watching.

Speaking of watching - I've been surfing on YouTube a little and there are some interesting, fun videos.  Somehow, I always end up veering towards music.  Anyway - here are a few I came across in 10 minutes of looking:

• My Transgender Voice - she's got great facial expressions (and a great voice!)

• Donna Rose (does this gentleman know me?)

• Am I The Only One? part of a wonderful acoustic series by Barenaked Ladies frontman Ed Robertson

• Francine Does Eyes - fun stuff (good music, too!)

• Beautiful - Always makes me misty.

This stuff can be addicting.  Good thing I'm heading off to bed.
 

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

11:30pm:   I don't know why I'm still up - I should have been in bed an hour ago.  I went out with a group of other women from work for Happy Hour and didn't get home until 9 which makes for a long day.  Somehow I usually need a bit of a "wind-down" period after I get home so that's what this is.

The day had a wonderful beginning.  I left the house fairly early to drop a friend who has been visiting off at the airport, and stopped for breakfast and one of my favorite little places in Scottsdale.  I bumped into someone from Dr. Meltzer's office who I haven't seen in quite a while there and enjoyed catching up with her over coffee and an omelet before heading to Scottsdale Community College for my 9am talk there.  The talk went fine and I was at work for my noon meeting.  The rest of the day just seemed to flow, as well.

I've been seriously investigating replacing this trusty "do-it-yourself" blog with a more formal blog for quite some time now, as I've discussed in the past.  Although I get close to actually making it happen and even started what I consider a testing period I find I'm not familiar enough with the tools to overcome what I perceive as limitations to make the final cut-over so I never actually do it.  So, I'm still on this home-grown thing with which I've become comfortable, but that in many ways needs to retire.  The bottom line is that the move to DonnaBlog 2.0 is nearly at hand.  At least I think it is....

Since returning from IFGE I've installed a blog package on DonnaRose.com.  It was a relatively painless process the new Blog page is up and running in the background.  The next step is to choose a "theme" for it from one of the thousands available.  That has proven to be time-consuming as there are several that appeal to me and would work but I haven't found one that has everything I'd like yet.  One of the keys for me is to keep it simple - I don't like blog pages that are cluttered with too much stuff.  The minimalist in me stresses the fact that most of the blog page needs to be available to for content and fancy graphics, fonts, or other fluffery are more of a distraction than an asset.

I'll be testing various themes over the next few days so if you want to get a preview what I'm looking at feel free to visit it: www.donnarose.com/MyBlog.  My friend Marti knows about these things and has been very patient and helpful in explaining some of the more technical aspects and answering my questions so I expect she'll be hearing from me later today.  I hope to make the decisions that need to be made by the beginning of next week and on the new platform by then.

Before leaving I do want to say something about this transgender Diversity position that HRC is interviewing for.  I've had several people email me to ask my opinion.  Honestly and truly - I have no opinion other than to be careful.  I can see any number of reasons that it would be a good thing just as I can see any number of reasons that it won't.  I'm probably not a good person to ask because I continue to have strong emotional feelings about what happened, both to me personally as well as to our broader community, last fall.  I do my best to control them but to be perfectly honest very little, if anything, has happened since then to change them.  Time has certainly not dulled them.  I've just gotten better at being quiet about it.

This position has been in the works for a couple of years and there was a time when I would have been tremendously excited about the potential it provides.  Although it is still very much needed across the broader scope of Foundation programs any excitement about it has been drained for me.  Everything the organization does with regards to transgender work has been tainted in the mind of the broader community.  Any shred of credibility is gone, so the first thing that always comes to mind is to wonder what ulterior motive is at play, or when the next pivotal decision point will unmask it all for what it is.  I'm a positive person and wish I could offer a brighter perspective, but I'm not the one who caused all this.

In my resignation letter I stated that "Principle is not for compromise".  I believe that to my core.  I continue to hold the organization accountable for its actions and the word "immoral" has come from my lips more than once.  There are people I know, some of whom I consider dear friends, who have found a way around that and that's for them to reconcile with themselves.  I'm comfortable with the path I'm on right now and until something changes I'll stay on it.  I have effectively rendered HRC to be irrelevant in my world, finding other collaborative dance partners with whom to work on the efforts we all hold dear.  A significant learning from last fall is that there is a significant un-balance of power across the GLBT advocacy landscape so anything I can do to raise others in that equation is healthy.  My own personal strategy in that regard is to raise others up rather than to tear HRC down.  They don't need my help to do that.  They can do it themselves just fine.

Back to the question of his particular position - they're already on the second round of interviews.  If you're interested and pursuing this, good luck.  I can't say enough nice things about the folks in the Diversity organization.  All I can offer to you is (a) if you don't have thick skin, grow some because you'll need it and (b) be careful what you ask for. 
 

 Monday, April 7, 2008

10:30pm:   I'm in the process of resuming my efforts to move my blog to a more conventional blog platform.  I've grown comfortable using the rudimentary tools at my disposal here but it's time to make the move.  I've got a couple of options and expect to do this sometime in the next week or so.  Stay tuned.

One of the local Tucson television stations did a report from IFGE last week:

I'm giving a talk for a class at Scottsdale Community College tomorrow.  I did it a couple of years ago and enjoyed it.  The professor saw an article about me in the local paper and tracked me down.
 

Sunday, April 6, 2008

10:30pm:   I did something this afternoon that I haven't done in I-don't-know-how-long.  I took a nap.  I got home from IFGE in Tucson (only 100 miles away) sat down, realized how tired I was, and crawled into bed for a couple of hours.  It was wonderful; apparently I was more tired than I realized.

I met some wonderful people at the conference.  Some I've spoken with online.  Others I was just fortunate enough to bump into, or came up to me to introduce themselves.  It makes me think back to how many of the people I consider dear friends at this stage of my life I first met at conferences like these.  In addition to making new friends it's gratifying to see how far people I've met in previous years have come in their own journeys.  We often talk about community.  In a very real sense, in a way it's about family.

One thing happened in particular at this conference that I feel compelled to comment about.  During lunch on Saturday a number of individual awards called the Trinity Awards.  IFGE identifies their Trinity Awards as honoring the transgender community’s heroes and heroines, people who have performed extraordinary acts of courage and love.  I was humbled to be given a Trinity Award at IFGE last year.

One of the winners this year is a personal friend who I respect and admire for 20+ years of dedicated service to the community.  Her comments, however, seem to represent the thinking of an older time and, in fact, landed with a resounding thud (that's an understatement) on the assembled 300+ people attending the lunchtime ceremony.  The initial thrust of her words were that transgender people need to integrate into broader society - something I think most of us can agree with to varying degrees.  But when she said that trans-men needed to put on suits and join the local Rotary and the Lion Club, and trans-women needed to look and behave like women so they could join women's groups like the National Organization of Women, there was an audible groan - me included.

A message of conforming to stereotypes is something that, perhaps, at one time made sense.  Transgender people faded into society out of necessity.  However, we've matured and our perceptions of ourselves and the broader ideals at play have changed.  The message of today has evolved from simply being about gender to a broader one of freedom  and about self.  It is about breaking free from binaries and stereotypes to simply be whoever